Story Your micropenis might be from pollution? (SATIRE)

[Symbiote]

Human penises are shrinking because of pollution, warns scientist

Dr Shanna Swan has found that chemicals called phthalates are causing human babies to be born with malformed genitals.

news.sky.com

To think that all these years, we blamed our parents for our micro-penis problems. For years we blamed it on genetics, but one scientist from the US states that chemicals in our water and air may be the source for babies being born with mutant penises on the small variety. That males will not be able to produce sperm ever again by 2045. The chemical is used in plastics, plastics that are disposed in our oceans and environment leak this chemical out over time contaminating the water table. Anyways, most of us won't be around at 2045 to see our dicks melting and watching as we shoot dust in the air during masturbation. No we won't need rags or socks anymore, we'll just need a vacuum cleaner to suck up the jizz powder.

Also Skynews is very bored today for writing this article up.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Our health will be so bad that we'll ejaculate pentobarbital. At least suicidal women might become interested in me then...

 

[Symbiote]

Is it homo if I drank my own pentobarbital ejaculation?

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Is it homo if I drank my own pentobarbital ejaculation?

Not if you have to take antiemetics first.

 

[lofticries]

' That males will not be able to produce sperm ever again by 2045.'

Every antinatalist's wet dream.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

' That males will not be able to produce sperm ever again by 2045.'

Every antinatalist's wet dream.

Dusty dream*

 

[Symbiote]

Maybe it is evolution's destiny that all men will have vaginas by the end of time. In fact some simps have already gotten there faster.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

My micropenis is because I ate too much mint chocolate chip ice cream while going through puberty combined with the fact that I'm Asian so I was genetically predisposed to have a smaller than average dick in the first place.

Also I'm fat which apparently is another thing that shrinks penises.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I have a big dick, I don't know why I'm reading this thread.

 

[whitefeather]

Human penises are shrinking because of pollution, warns scientist

Dr Shanna Swan has found that chemicals called phthalates are causing human babies to be born with malformed genitals.

news.sky.com

To think that all these years, we blamed our parents for our micro-penis problems. For years we blamed it on genetics, but one scientist from the US states that chemicals in our water and air may be the source for babies being born with mutant penises on the small variety. That males will not be able to produce sperm ever again by 2045. The chemical is used in plastics, plastics that are disposed in our oceans and environment leak this chemical out over time contaminating the water table. Anyways, most of us won't be around at 2045 to see our dicks melting and watching as we shoot dust in the air during masturbation. No we won't need rags or socks anymore, we'll just need a vacuum cleaner to suck up the jizz powder.

Also Skynews is very bored today for writing this article up.

Erin Brockovich | The Guardian

<p>Erin Brockovich is an American legal clerk and environmental activist, who, despite her lack of formal education in the law, was instrumental in building a case against the Pacific Gas and Electric Company of California in 1993. In 2000 Julia Roberts portrayed her an eponymous film</p>

www.theguardian.com

 

[Good4Nothing]

Also, until I see a scientific study proving me wrong, I will continue to believe that NASCAR and Mountain Dew are the primary causes of shrinking penises.

 

[Futile]

I've heard that most babies are already being born with microplastics in their body, it's kind of scary tbh

 

[grungeCat]

Now I know that my father is to blame for my micropenis!! Because he's been working in heavy industry since forever and caused the air around my home be polluted!

 

[Tiredofhurting]

I am happy with my micropenis

 

[noaccount]

Your micropenis might also be the result of years of hard work and dedication.