Ever felt like you've been hit by a bus? A car? A train? 2 x 4? A wrecking ball? I do and it's what will push me to suicide, that and the constant sense of a noose around my neck, affecting my ability to feel secure with anyone. I do not feel secure with anyone because of the way I have wrecked myself in public and have been unable to develop myself in life, I'm like a piece of roadkill twitching all over the road. Sometimes things are more triggering and it all flares up again, I think I have it together but I don't have it together at all. It actually makes it harder to focus on an attempt, I sort of know I'm more prone to something impulsive and something impulsive is not likely to be successful, unless it is that brutal and lethal. Hopefully being on meds will help me figure it out.
