Would a loving partner stop you from CTB?

[Avril]

Just a 3 AM thought, a mental exercise. I know most of us on here are terribly lonely. I know it is a horrible idea living for someone but I was wondering if, let's say, a beautiful person comes into your life, basically your dream man/woman, would that lessen your chances of CTB or at least cure some part of your depression?

 

[gothbird]

No, loving someone would not save me. In a gentler world, perhaps, I'd give my heart to someone who knew I was going and still chose to love me, without asking me to stay. Or maybe, in some quieter dream, they'd walk with me into the dark.
But that's all it is, really—a dream.

 

[Forever Sleep]

They'd maybe prevent me taking the actual action of CTB. As it is, I'm holding on for my Dad. Would they take away the desire to want to CTB though? I'm not sure. Perhaps slightly. But then, what if they didn't? Surely, that would feel worse! The last thing I want is more tethers here. I'm living with enough resentment as it is- feeling like I have to stay alive. It's a real effort to keep that hidden. So, I think overall, I've come to the conclusion that it's better for all concerned that I stay single. It's a relief to realise, accept and even embrace that. It's actually been empowering for me. It released me from all that hoping and longing.

Besides, I don't look on many relationships- even the most loving ones with envy. Most couples I know bicker like mad. I just think all that would give me a headache. I don't think the fairytale version I have in my head exists. At least- not for the majority of the time.

 

[Lostmyonlyson]

Just a 3 AM thought, a mental exercise. I know most of us on here are terribly lonely. I know it is a horrible idea living for someone but I was wondering if, let's say, a beautiful person comes into your life, basically your dream man/woman, would that lessen your chances of CTB or at least cure some part of your depression

Oh boy, were do I start? From Nietzsche? From Schopenhauer??Okay, that's too male centric, right? So I should start from Solanas?

 

[GhostInTheMachine]

My BF is quite literally the primary reason I'm here venting instead of being dead already. Even still, I'm still in pain, I'm just able to bear it so I can continue to spend time with him.

 

[Forveleth]

I will never give myself for love again. I made sacrifices and kept pushing through life because I loved people and thought they loved me. However, I have learned the words "I love you" from someone's mouth means "I'm going to use you for my own ends". My parents who "loved" me screwed me up when I was a kid (therapy showed me that) and refused to get me help as a teen. My current partner who "loves" me has been extremely manipulative and emotionally abusive and is the reason I no longer want to live.

I have had enough of people telling me they "love" me. I do not want love, I want death.

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

I have a wonderful boyfriend who is honestly the only thing keeping me alive right now. Of course, I could never tell him that because that's emotional blackmail or whatever. The downside to this is that it makes me kind of resent him because the actual circumstances causing me to be suicidal haven't changed. So, I would say that a loving partner is more of an obstacle for suicide than a cure for suicidal thoughts.

 

[ittinglesconstantly]

I can't love. Not truly, at least. There'll always be something in the way. And I don't think I could ever be convinced that someone loves me. There's too much doubt, too much fear, too much risk. I'd rather die.

 

[PrismHon]

I think it would stave off for a time... in the same way that weed, zoloft/sertraline prevented me but am now more numb to them. Would be cutting the tree down, but the root is still there and would eventually come back up.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

If loneliness was my problem then maybe yes. In my case, a loving partner may not be capable of solving the issue(s) that make me suicidal.

 

[BringMeToLife]

My partner is a reason why I'm still alive. He gives me his all and understands my struggles. I'm very suicidal and sometimes wish I wasn't loved by him, because it would make everything easier. Because of him, I'm giving myself a chance in life even though I'm sure I will ctb anyways. I guess I'm waiting until I stop caring about him.

 

[helpmeleave]

No, loving someone would not save me. In a gentler world, perhaps, I'd give my heart to someone who knew I was going and still chose to love me, without asking me to stay. Or maybe, in some quieter dream, they'd walk with me into the dark.
But that's all it is, really—a dream.

True love is being held while ctb by a partner who gets it. Or maybe ctb together.

 

[catfriend]

I can't love. Not truly, at least. There'll always be something in the way. And I don't think I could ever be convinced that someone loves me. There's too much doubt, too much fear, too much risk. I'd rather die.

completely relate; there will always be something 'wrong' with the arrangement. something that leads to self-sabotage. it is hard to love someone when you don't love yourself.

 

[Pluto]

 

[needwaytohell]

Thought about this a lot but I think it won't. People have been so toxic around me all my life I feel it has altered who I am. I'd not even get into relationship as I'm fearful of doing so. The best I can feel is to ctb at my peak life when I feel I've accomplished something meaningful. To be clear not dreaming of fame or name. I just want to contribute something in any field and just ctb hoping someone finds it. Kinda reminds me of Walter white as much as I hate the theme of the character the backstab story hurts.

 

[divinemistress87]

No, they couldnt make my brain damage better. Im cynical I think most love is just conditional anyways

 

[daysfeel]

I have that. And it doesn't help.

 

[manicstreetbeeper]

i'd be afraid of being too much for a loving partner anyway.

 

[deepsweetdiver]

I feel like a loving partner only wants whats best for you- and the best for me is to ctb and escape this world. Keeping me here would only be for their wellbeing and would make me suffer more.

I've had crushes and people leading me on, but I can't speak on partners too well considering I've never had one. If my absolute dream boyfriend came to me, I doubt he could fix my brain to not think of death 24/7. I'd probably want to ctb together that way we'll be next to each other as we drift away and don't have to see one of us pass before the other.

 

[23421]

if i could get back with my ex and know for a fact things between us were real, that he won't back out again, i would abandon my CTB plans until we're both old and too tired to live.

 

[princejohnny]

Yes. I've been chronically lonely for over a decade and it is killing me. Unfortunately, I am unlovable in this current reality. Catching the bus is my only option.

 

[musingsofaghost]

I've never had the experience of a partner and am perpetually lonely, so I'm biased & inclined to say yes. Though, I have a hunch my answer would be different if I did have one.

 

[PragTar]

I don't know what that person would have to do for me to believe in love. Doesn't seem possible, it's all very conditional. Even if such a person existed and I could believe them, I know it wouldn't make the thoughts go away and in consequence the possibility of me going through with CTB. Thus I would prefer for them to find someone else anyway.

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

My partner is the reason I'm still here.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

if i could get back with my ex and know for a fact things between us were real, that he won't back out again, i would abandon my CTB plans until we're both old and too tired to live.

Exactly my situation

 

[Linda]

I will ctb if my husband dies before me. Not otherwise. Does that answer your question?

 

[Thomas599]

Answer to the posted question: Oh God No. The more people and relationships I have in my life, the more complicated and lack of peace I have in my life. No I DO NOT want a relationship.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

For me it's a useless question. It will never happen.

 

[Avril]

I will ctb if my husband dies before me. Not otherwise. Does that answer your question?

That type of loyalty is rare nowadays, I wish you both a prosperous relationship

 

[borderlinee]

it's not easy for me to commit so it would probably give me more time, it's an easy escape, but I'm a ticking time bomb, even if I get everything I want in life, this feeling will probably stick with me.