Will you leave a note? If so, or if not, why?

[jakerjays]

The title is self explanatory.

I felt like my previous attempts at writing a suicide note either felt unsatisfactory in that they were too short, or simply started to feel like rambles where I kept going on and on and on.
It made me think, how many of you plan to write notes?
I know that most people who were once in contact with someone now dead would appreciate one, but it feels like something so... meticulous? The more you talk, the more there is for people to blame themselves for, the less you talk, the more scenarios they can conjure in their minds as to why you made your decision.

I might just leave a page full of passwords and the specific person I'd like my laptop to go to, but I' not even sure if I can be bothered for that.

Anyway, theres also a little poll attached to this, it felt appropriate and I'd be curious to see a more simple sum of everones answers. Please feel free to pick more than one/

 

[Irisse]

I'm not going to leave a note because no one understood when I was alive, why would they understand in my death? Also the only ones who will grieve me are my family, and they already know my reasons but dismiss me. As for people who hurt me, they'd probably jerk off to the thought of me being dead because of their actions, that's just the kind of people they are.

 

[FuneralCry]

I would to explain how non-existence is all I wish for and that I'll always prefer to not exist than suffer in this dreadful, torturous existence just to die in agony from old age, existence is always an abomination to me, non-existence is all I see as positive, all I hope and wish for is to never suffer ever again.

 

[Andarna]

I'm not sure. Probably not. My family knows I'm struggling and they won't be surprised.

I've written several farewell letters in my life and every time I read them, I felt awkward. The feelings I wanted to express were somehow distorted. The explanations weren't good enough, and words like "I love you" felt empty and false. There was always something missing, always something wrong.

I don't want something so imperfect to be my last word. Silence suits me better.

 

[jakerjays]

I'm not sure. Probably not. My family knows I'm struggling and they won't be surprised.

I've written several farewell letters in my life and every time I read them, I felt awkward. The feelings I wanted to express were somehow distorted. The explanations weren't good enough, and words like "I love you" felt empty and false. There was always something missing, always something wrong.

I don't want something so imperfect to be my last word. Silence suits me better.

I entirely agree with you in terms of reading things back and your words feeling insincere or not enough.
No amount of 'it wasn't your fault's will stop people from blaming themselves anyway, so sometimes it feels better to say nothing.

 

[jose8128]

I don't have anyone to leave a note for. If I did maybe I wouldn't be so suicidal. But on the upside I can end my life without any guilt about emotionally affecting anyone else. When I die not 1 teardrop falls anywhere in the world.

 

[Dejected 55]

I don't know. I've written a few different drafts. Sometimes to multiple people, sometimes just to one. I might mail something... I might leave something with my body... or I might just write nothing.

 

[TAW122]

In the past, I would have said yes (like back in 2019, when I was confident in going and had pre-written some notes, and gotten ready to refine them). But in the recent years and even present day, the answer would be 'no' because of the undue burden and efforts in addition to maintaining a facade in day to day life (until the inevitable act of CTB) and in addition to that, people will draw whatever conclusion or predisposed opinion they have, regardless of how rational or well-reasoned I can be; they simply will not acknowledge or understand it and thus, a waste of time and energy (as well as burden) for me to leave a note. (There is more reasoning to it, but I may have written an old thread/article about it and also it would have become too long of a post if I were to explain everything in a single post)

While I would/might just inadvertently leave 'bread crumbs', I ultimately just want to find peace and not suffer unnecessarily. Furthermore, people will always treat CTB as some horrific act to be prevented at all costs and weaponize 'signs and warnings' rather than seeking to want to fix the root problems (assuming they can be fixable) and respecting bodily autonomy. So it's just easier for me to cope until I cannot anymore, plan out my CTB, and finally (one day) do the deed and find permanent peace.

 

[claracatchingthebus]

I may not leave a note. My life is pretty sparse at this point. The few people I am still in contact with would probably no why I want to do it, and even if they don't, I don't know how much I would care.

 

[wanttosleep]

On my first attempt I had a long note for everyone and a few specific notes for certain explaining what I felt and hidden from them and saying goodbyes. Reading back now it seems like the ramblings of a mad man. As well as the longer I have trudged through existing I don't care enough anymore. I will leave a short paragraph saying my goodbyes and passwords but that's it I don't think no matter what I write I could never make them understand why

 

[shampoo sniffer]

I will leave a note to my Mum and Dad, telling them not to blame themselves.