Will it ever change or am i deluding myself

[ksera]

Its that time of year when you realise your all alone. you hide it. you try to play the game. so many people cheerily asking you about your christmas. You know you can never tell anyone the truth. im tired of always having to filter the truth. it makes it so much worse. you try and brush it off or change the topic. i have no one to buy presents for. i have no one who cares whether i'm there or not.

i wil be alone again this christmas. i dont fit in. im not needed or wanted. i;m just so sad because if i had the chance to be part of something i would

 

[Flume]

All of us here are lonely and outsiders in some sort of way. You are not alone. If I had the chance to be a part of something I would to, I'm going to be all alone this christmas and new year and I hate it. Stay strong

 

[ksera]

its so hard. everywhere you go Christmas is shoved I you face. but that's not what some people experience. sometimes people who have no one just want to hibernate and wait till its over.

 

[Final Escape]

Yesterday a client asked me what I do all day? I'm a prostitute. It was extremely hard to tell him that I don't have a life like other people do. It's very much just a survival type of existence. These men don't understand that u aren't really doing this because u think it's fun in your free time. The time while it may have been fun is long over lol! Now it's literally just u hope it goes smooth, you don't catch anything, that they will be polite, they don't stink, and doesn't last a very long time.

But getting to the point of when people ask what im going to be doing for Christmas. That's the last thing on my mind. I'm hoping I can keep myself sane lol! I tell them the truth that I don't really know. It will likely be spent alone watching some Christmas movies or something with my cat. Yea I know the feeling of not being connected and having events to go to and people to be with.

 

[ksera]

I really want this pain to end, I dot want to spend more time alone. I just have a cat. I was helping a young person who OD recently. I spent weeks with her. a fe days ago she said that I didnt have anything other than a cat. it broke me

 

[Lastsauce]

All alone for over a decade now, no friends or SO.
I don't think neurotypicals can get used to being alone all the time.

 

[Rushon]

My mind goes from highs to lows, today is a very low day and I feel nothing but pain and hopelessness. For me I know nothing will change, it will be the wild mood swings. I am also battling prostate cancer and now that my girlfriend has left I don't have anyone to lean on.

 

[ksera]

im so sorry to hear that. it sucks. why is it when you need people the most they leave you alone

 

[Skyview]

Its that time of year when you realise your all alone. you hide it. you try to play the game. so many people cheerily asking you about your christmas. You know you can never tell anyone the truth. im tired of always having to filter the truth. it makes it so much worse. you try and brush it off or change the topic. i have no one to buy presents for. i have no one who cares whether i'm there or not.

i wil be alone again this christmas. i dont fit in. im not needed or wanted. i;m just so sad because if i had the chance to be part of something i would

You're not alone , many of us are in the same position as you and we survive each day hoping the new year 2020 will be different for us , we don't know what is ahead and can only hope it is something really good , it's how we survive.

Yesterday a client asked me what I do all day? I'm a prostitute. It was extremely hard to tell him that I don't have a life like other people do. It's very much just a survival type of existence. These men don't understand that u aren't really doing this because u think it's fun in your free time. The time while it may have been fun is long over lol! Now it's literally just u hope it goes smooth, you don't catch anything, that they will be polite, they don't stink, and doesn't last a very long time.

But getting to the point of when people ask what im going to be doing for Christmas. That's the last thing on my mind. I'm hoping I can keep myself sane lol! I tell them the truth that I don't really know. It will likely be spent alone watching some Christmas movies or something with my cat. Yea I know the feeling of not being connected and having events to go to and people to be with.

Yeah , if you have like minded people to hang with it would be fun , reality for many is this , family squabbles , politics and the inevitable questions " isn't it time you did this , what are your plans, you're not getting any younger etc , etc," LOL , feel like they are going to tie me to a chair put a spotlight on me and the interrogation begins , being alone has it's advantages sometimes !

 

[Pan]

My mind goes from highs to lows, today is a very low day and I feel nothing but pain and hopelessness. For me I know nothing will change, it will be the wild mood swings. I am also battling prostate cancer and now that my girlfriend has left I don't have anyone to lean on.

Wow...that certainly is tough...are you on medicine for the cancer? Have you had surgery? You are not alone, pal. You have me and this whole family@ sanctioned suicide to lean on.

 

[Rushon]

Wow...that certainly is tough...are you on medicine for the cancer? Have you had surgery? You are not alone, pal. You have me and this whole family@ sanctioned suicide to lean on.

Hi, I finished radiation and hormone therapy in December. I was so deep in depression and hopelessness. I got my act together somewhat, I got my own apartment and a new job. But I don't feel any better, I don't want to work everyday just to come home to an empty, lonely existance. Due to cancer I lost my mate, my life, my dogs, everything. So lonely.......

 

[Pan]

So sorry to hear about pile up of losses...and battling cancer to boot? You are definately stronger than you think. That you can get a new job and function should tell you something. You are stronger than you think. I don't know you but I know that I LOVE YOU.