Why is killing my self so hard

[Crabsarecool?]

I just want it to fucking end but I feel like a piece of shit doing it. Should I just push everyone away to make this easier?

 

[MissKatrina]

Pushing everyone away does make it easier, but the question to really ask yourself is do you see yourself actually dying. Do you see yourself carrying out the process and following it through with certainty? I don't want you to end up not being actively suicidal and being alone.

 

[William Barker]

Nothing worth doing is ever easy.

 

[Crabsarecool?]

Pushing everyone away does make it easier, but the question to really ask yourself is do you see yourself actually dying. Do you see yourself carrying out the process and following it through with certainty? I don't want you to end up not being actively suicidal and being alone.

I've decided to at least try and get it over with and not really talk to anyone and just try to deal with the guilt but at least they won't miss me but thanks

 

[qwerty32]

My first CTB attempt (Many years ago) I had the pills in my hand and I just had to shove them into my mouth. I was shit scared of what I was doing. I stopped myself.
It was my will to live, scared of dying of what I was about to go through. Our human instinct to live. That's what stopped me on my many attempts. After one of my attempts, I wanted to live and went to counseling and found myself in a psych hospital (Luckily, the food served there was awesome due to being a university hospital).
If I wanted to CTB now for my current reasons, I would have done it. For reasons, I think it's my unconsciousness that is trying to give myself a chance to live. I have some methods planned and waiting for supplies to arrive.

 

[William Barker]

You have to do what's best for you. I mean, everyone else gets to be selfish, right?

 

[itsamadworld]

Survival Instinct- that's why it's so difficult to CBT. Pushing everyone away_ Why cause yourself unnecessary suffering? I pushed people away, and I regret it. I get it, You may think "the more regrets I have, the more I will have the drive to CBT..." Well, suffering is easy enough on this planet....the world will give you plenty of reasons to want to leave, I wish I had not poked the bear....personally....but I have BPD...that's what we do...

 

[Despondent]

Pushing people away might help.. trust me when I say it's not easy for anyone. That's why I'm still here. I could've been dead a long time ago.