Post theme song:
(Corny but fits the theme ig)
There will be 3 sections:
Chapter 1: The beginning
Chapter 2: primary school/highschool
Chapter 3: college and current situation
Let's call me Avid. I was born in 2007, and I've decided I don't want to live anymore.
I can't tell much about the beginning, but I'll try my best. When I was born, I was delivered via C-section. I wasn't breathing and my heart stopped, but the doctors managed to save me (biggest mistake). I'm an only child, and I don't interact with my family. My parents have always been neurodivergent, especially my mother. Growing up, I was always dressed differently, taught different habits than usual, and developed a fetish for making people feel disgusted by the things I did from my father. I had anger issues and other problems. I also used to kill mice and frogs a lot when I was little because I found it entertaining. My parents' relationship isn't good nor bad, and they do care about me a lot, but that doesn't mean they are good parents.
Going into primary school, I grew up fighting a lot of kids. There was this kid called Dave in my class, and we would always fight lol. Anyway, I had a weird situation. For a while I was getting bullied and kept getting into fights, but in the end I got on friendly terms with the bullies. I was always the weird kid, and also the kid who left the group chat for attention. I was really into Gacha and shared that in the class group chat as well, which is so corny thinking back. In primary school I didn't really have any friends at all and mostly hung out on my own. I broke my nose around primary school, which caused me to have trouble breathing to this day (and also made me fucking ugly as shit throughout my growing years).
After primary school, I went into middle school. My parents chose a strict Reformed Protestant school, which turned out to completely ruin my life. It was a closed-off community, and I already felt like an outcast. I didn't know anybody from the school, and neither did my parents. In the first year I was very awkward and followed other kids around who were nice to me. This continued into second grade, where I made a couple of class friends (strictly school-only). The class was divided, with eight boys and about fifteen girls, and we hated each other, which caused me to be less skilled at talking to women later on as well.
In the third year, our grade split up and I had a new class with half of the students being new. One of them was the popular guy in school, and everybody wanted to be friends with him, including me. But I was a class-clown loser, so he didn't want to, so I just kept talking to the people I talked to before (again, school only, so I never did anything with people outside and always sat alone at home). In fourth grade there were new classes again and I knew nobody, so yeah, awesome. Also, when my dog died in fourth grade, I played some game with school friends to feel better. During that game I killed one of my "friends," and he told me he was glad my childhood dog was dead. I continued being the class clown until graduation year and accomplished nothing: no actual friends, never talked to a girl (literally never—they are a foreign species to me at this point), and nothing else to show for it.
After high school, in the summer, I had rhinoplasty, which was both cosmetic and medical. This was also how I started getting into looks improvement and the blackpill ideology. More on this later, but basically I was and still am very insecure about my physical appearance. I went to college at 16, and the results started to show. I could barely communicate with people, I was awkward, people hated me, and I even got approached by a 21-year-old classmate who said, "Nobody likes you." So I stopped the study and took a gap year instead, doing nothing—sitting online all day, slowly losing my sanity in incel-like spaces, and working sometimes.
Now I'm back doing a second college study at 18, and the cycle is repeating again. I'm awkward, I can't talk to people, I'm hated, and I just fucking hate it there. I can't do it anymore.
Where I'm at right now is basically that I have no future, no friends, no girlfriend, except somebody I've been e-dating for a couple of months now, and I'm physically the most insecure I've ever been. For information, I'm 6'2" and objectively above average, but I look 30 at 18 because of high dimorphism and rough skin quality. I rot inside my room all day and do nothing except go to the gym and rot in online spaces. I fucking hate my life and I can't take it anymore.
I hate my fucking parents for bringing me up this way and for the choices they made for me. Besides wanting to kill myself because I hate my life, my other primary reason is to make my parents suffer, because I know they do care about me (since I'm their only child). I hate people and hate family even more. Truly, if I was in America and not in Europe, I would've already been in the news a long time ago with some TikTok saying "-40
" with an AI picture of me dancing to a song.
Anyway, I want to die and don't really know how I want to do it. Do I take other people first and then myself? Do I just take my own? Do I make others suffer as much as possible before I do it? I don't know. Anyway, I'm writing this at 4 a.m. and my brain is fried, so sorry for the garbage storytelling skills.
(Corny but fits the theme ig)
There will be 3 sections:
Chapter 1: The beginning
Chapter 2: primary school/highschool
Chapter 3: college and current situation
Let's call me Avid. I was born in 2007, and I've decided I don't want to live anymore.
I can't tell much about the beginning, but I'll try my best. When I was born, I was delivered via C-section. I wasn't breathing and my heart stopped, but the doctors managed to save me (biggest mistake). I'm an only child, and I don't interact with my family. My parents have always been neurodivergent, especially my mother. Growing up, I was always dressed differently, taught different habits than usual, and developed a fetish for making people feel disgusted by the things I did from my father. I had anger issues and other problems. I also used to kill mice and frogs a lot when I was little because I found it entertaining. My parents' relationship isn't good nor bad, and they do care about me a lot, but that doesn't mean they are good parents.
Going into primary school, I grew up fighting a lot of kids. There was this kid called Dave in my class, and we would always fight lol. Anyway, I had a weird situation. For a while I was getting bullied and kept getting into fights, but in the end I got on friendly terms with the bullies. I was always the weird kid, and also the kid who left the group chat for attention. I was really into Gacha and shared that in the class group chat as well, which is so corny thinking back. In primary school I didn't really have any friends at all and mostly hung out on my own. I broke my nose around primary school, which caused me to have trouble breathing to this day (and also made me fucking ugly as shit throughout my growing years).
After primary school, I went into middle school. My parents chose a strict Reformed Protestant school, which turned out to completely ruin my life. It was a closed-off community, and I already felt like an outcast. I didn't know anybody from the school, and neither did my parents. In the first year I was very awkward and followed other kids around who were nice to me. This continued into second grade, where I made a couple of class friends (strictly school-only). The class was divided, with eight boys and about fifteen girls, and we hated each other, which caused me to be less skilled at talking to women later on as well.
In the third year, our grade split up and I had a new class with half of the students being new. One of them was the popular guy in school, and everybody wanted to be friends with him, including me. But I was a class-clown loser, so he didn't want to, so I just kept talking to the people I talked to before (again, school only, so I never did anything with people outside and always sat alone at home). In fourth grade there were new classes again and I knew nobody, so yeah, awesome. Also, when my dog died in fourth grade, I played some game with school friends to feel better. During that game I killed one of my "friends," and he told me he was glad my childhood dog was dead. I continued being the class clown until graduation year and accomplished nothing: no actual friends, never talked to a girl (literally never—they are a foreign species to me at this point), and nothing else to show for it.
After high school, in the summer, I had rhinoplasty, which was both cosmetic and medical. This was also how I started getting into looks improvement and the blackpill ideology. More on this later, but basically I was and still am very insecure about my physical appearance. I went to college at 16, and the results started to show. I could barely communicate with people, I was awkward, people hated me, and I even got approached by a 21-year-old classmate who said, "Nobody likes you." So I stopped the study and took a gap year instead, doing nothing—sitting online all day, slowly losing my sanity in incel-like spaces, and working sometimes.
Now I'm back doing a second college study at 18, and the cycle is repeating again. I'm awkward, I can't talk to people, I'm hated, and I just fucking hate it there. I can't do it anymore.
Where I'm at right now is basically that I have no future, no friends, no girlfriend, except somebody I've been e-dating for a couple of months now, and I'm physically the most insecure I've ever been. For information, I'm 6'2" and objectively above average, but I look 30 at 18 because of high dimorphism and rough skin quality. I rot inside my room all day and do nothing except go to the gym and rot in online spaces. I fucking hate my life and I can't take it anymore.
I hate my fucking parents for bringing me up this way and for the choices they made for me. Besides wanting to kill myself because I hate my life, my other primary reason is to make my parents suffer, because I know they do care about me (since I'm their only child). I hate people and hate family even more. Truly, if I was in America and not in Europe, I would've already been in the news a long time ago with some TikTok saying "-40
" with an AI picture of me dancing to a song.Anyway, I want to die and don't really know how I want to do it. Do I take other people first and then myself? Do I just take my own? Do I make others suffer as much as possible before I do it? I don't know. Anyway, I'm writing this at 4 a.m. and my brain is fried, so sorry for the garbage storytelling skills.
