Discussion Why do some people have community while others are virtually alone?

[dying_kwik2000]

Is there a reason why some people are ignored while other people are noticed and appreciated by the people in their lives?

I'm trying to understand why I've basically had no friends most of my life and felt invisible, alone or like a burden.

Am I not opening up enough? But why do I feel ignored when I open up?

I always feel like I act like a therapist to other people while people don't really know much about me.

I'm trying so hard not to cry because of this. Tears are coming from my right eye. 👁

I don't know why it hurts so much. I remember when I was like eight or nine there was this Barbie Diaries computer game I loved and there was this challenge when you had to make a concert. I would always make the light green and play a song they had called 'Invisible' because I felt like I related to it so deeply.

 

[thegreatminderaser]

i wonder the same thing. i try to open up as much as i can, but then i feel like i'm too much. people are interested, then lose interest. do you have social anxiety?

 

[nocatwaslost]

I know for a fact that I already felt lonely as a kid/teenager and know pretty well why I feel this way. Maybe if you look back in your biography you can also find some reasons/events when it started? Does not have to stretch that far back, but it helps to maybe reflect when the feeling started.

Doesn't help in this current moment, because I also try to open up and talk to people, get in contact but it seems I can't catch a break.

I guess we can only try to stay open, talk to people and just hope that some suitable human being will stroll along.

 

[venerated-vader]

I think in large part its about demeanor and consistency. There are things we can't see in ourselves that others can, and the facade we put on when we first meet someone (which is something everyone does) can't last forever when you're battling severe depression and mental health struggles. Same thing happens if you have a chronic illness; it takes a handful of 'I can't hang out's or 'maybe we can talk later's for someone to decide to invest their time elsewhere. Of course, I'm a bit of a pessimist, so I want to make it clear I'm speaking from my own experience and perceptions.

I don't know if you've ever had a friend who was also going through something, whether it be situational problems (like grief / family problems) or mental health struggles! But in my experience, I've noticed when my friends get depressed. They get quiet, harder to reach, etc. And it's not their fault; I know what good people they are, and so I'm around when they're feeling better. And vice versa! More importantly though, I understand what it's like to feel like that, and I usually can't wait for them to feel better so I can chat with them again.

However, people who don't know you and have no frame of reference for depression won't understand. So they carry on, and we don't go with them.

IMO, there are people worth spending time with and there are people who aren't ever going to understand or empathize with your experiences. The latter is the vast majority of people. And if you find yourself playing therapist with people, or you feel like you're giving more than you're getting, a lot of the time that might mean that you're just giving too much to the wrong people.

And those who might understand, might be going through their own series of struggles, and if you meet at the wrong time, the ability to connect is inherently damaged because you're both not well enough to invest energy into each other.

Only way to get through it is to keep meeting people. You'll find the right kinda folx eventually!