dnail
New Member
- Apr 11, 2023
- 3
I am not alone anymore, I have friends, and even a girlfriend. I still feel disgusted with myself and often find myself over and over again abusing alcohol and doing all sorts of over the counters to make myself feel absolutely nothing. I have been pushing my parents away further and further, and my friends no longer want to talk to me because I am an alcoholic. I hate my job because it makes me miserable. I hate waking up everyday and having to push myself to talk to people. I hate the fact that I decided to try. Because now, if I lose any of it I will continue to try anything until I get it back. I used to be alone, I used to have no friends, and I used to work the same job for less, and you know I was content, and I was doing things alone and I went to places alone too and I was content doing this. Now, I have to worry about what others will think if I say the wrong things. I have to worry about others extrapolating my words, I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells when I talk to anyone. I need to die, and I accept this fact because many of the people I spoke with I left a bad impact on, I don't think there's been a single person I have ever made happy, and I think my parents wont ever be proud of what I have become, my family doesn't even know who I am since I came to this shit country. I make stupid decisions, I am 22 now, and I still live with my dad. I don't understand why I am like this. Why is it so hard for ME? Why does everyone else get an easy pass? I don't get it. What did I do wrong to end up here?
