Venting Why can't anyone understand it doesn't get better for me?

[cookiencream]

Even though I haven't been officially diagnosed, I'm pretty sure I have some kind of depressive disorder. My symptoms have been consistent for 10 years (that's from what I'm sure of, it could be longer) and when something causes me to have a depressive episode, if that thing is fixed I still have the overall symptoms of depression. All that to say that it doesn't get "better" for me if that makes sense? The symptoms get less at times but it never goes away. Every time I try to talk to someone they talk about getting better as if one day I'll just be free of this. I never say anything back or mention the other times it got better for me and I still fit the diagnostic criteria of depression. It's weird...they'd say everyone feels that way sometimes and that it gets better but why does that never happen for me? It makes me feel so alone when opening up to others because they say it like it's a given but I know it isn't for me. I feel like if I push back they'd label me as hopeless and leave me. I've been to a psychiatrist but she acted more like a therapist than anything (although she could've been a psychologist instead). I'm still pretty young (19F) so no one will diagnose me with anything because of "teen hormones" Even when I was 17 my mom kept insisting it was just teen hormones because our doctor (who didn't even talk to me btw) said it's something everyone goes through and it's just hormones. Does anyone experience depression that isn't really dependent on outside factors?

 

[m1santhr0p3]

optimism is a fucking plague. nobody understands that it doesn't get better because they all believe in the delusion of optimism.

 

[cookiencream]

optimism is a fucking plague. nobody understands that it doesn't get better because they all believe in the delusion of optimism.

It feels like most people don't get that feeling depressed ≠ having chronic depression.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

To be honest everyone does not necessarily go through the severe suffering like yours. Otherwise SaSu will be visited by 7 billion people! Your doctor does not look capable enough to treat your depression. And I believe that people who've never experienced deep pain become misunderstanding and insensitive like that. I'm sorry you are surrounded with toxic adults. You can find the supports you need in this site whenever those around you suck

 

[Hellis]

optimism is a fucking plague. nobody understands that it doesn't get better because they all believe in the delusion of optimism.

Plague is a good term for it. The savioristic/"it won't happen to me" mindset seems contagious. Until someone goes and dies despite their efforts they assume nobody will. It's a mindset that hurts everyone involved.

 

[cookiencream]

To be honest everyone does not necessarily go through the severe suffering like yours. Otherwise SaSu will be visited by 7 billion people! Your doctor does not look capable enough to treat your depression. And I believe that people who've never experienced deep pain become misunderstanding and insensitive like that. I'm sorry you are surrounded with toxic adults. You can find the supports you need in this site whenever those around you suck

It's not that they suck...I'm not from a first world country so mental health basically doesn't exist. In fact my parents didn't start taking me seriously until they found out I cut myself despite telling them multiple (from since I was 13) times that I was depressed. It sucks, it really does. It feels like no one would listen to me until I got so bad they had to. It feels so suffocating when you're in deep pain but no one believes you or tells you they went through the same when they clearly didn't. I feel different but everyone keeps telling me I'm not and that this is normal but I know it isn't. It's not normal to ask for a helium balloon on your 10th birthday so you can kill yourself. It's not normal to feel so disconnected from reality that you don't recognize your face in the mirror. But no one believes me just because they thought I was happy as a kid (I used to smile a lot)
It felt good getting all that off my chest. I've always felt kind of guilty for thinking like this but lying to myself does nothing for me. If I had been taken seriously sooner or if the people around me were just a bit kinder, it would never have gotten this bad. It's also likely I have a separate mental health issue that's causing all this but I don't even know where to start looking for it. Sigh, it doesn't matter anyway, I just hope my parents don't repeat the same mistakes with my siblings.

 

[Dejected 55]

I never get mad at anyone for not understanding. It's hard to understand some things if you've never experienced or considered them.

But I do get mad at people who will not leave me alone or continue to give unwanted advice. Telling me to try religion when I've respectfully told them I do not believe and am not interested. Or telling me to seek therapy when I have done that on multiple occasions without it working and they know this. Or saying what works for them even though they have not experienced what I have experienced, etc.

I will listen to most things once, and politely decline... but people can't leave it at that.

 

[naookoo128]

It is just so difficult to understand someone the way we want to be understood, right? But if they really tell you that depression will just disappear someday, and you´ll be happy and fulfilled just like that *snap*, and that this is just given, then they dont know what they are talking about, sadly.

I feel like if I push back they'd label me as hopeless and leave me.

Have you tried it? Maybe it could end in a conversation that´s at least a bit more usefull than just getting told "It get´s better, dont worry".
But I definitly can relate to you being anxious about that, I mean about pushing back. If they would leave you, you deserve so much better people to talk to, really.

Does anyone experience depression that isn't really dependent on outside factors?

It often feels like that for me, but when I was around 25 y/o I started to learn more about my childhood trauma (which is super diffcult because there is not much that I can remember, I hate that, it feels like my mind is trying to delete everything, but I also fucked up a lot by myself by smoking weed when I grew up) and that kinda helped me understanding my factors. But even that knowledge can be so useless to me sometimes, when its getting really dark.

I feel different but everyone keeps telling me I'm not and that this is normal but I know it isn't.

I feel like they mostly say that to make you feel better, but its a lazy approach and I hate it too! But I also keep struggling opening myself, and people sometimes just have no ideas anymore, I cant really blame them.

I hope people around you start taking you more serious, it should be the minimum! Good luck

 

[cookiencream]

It is just so difficult to understand someone the way we want to be understood, right? But if they really tell you that depression will just disappear someday, and you´ll be happy and fulfilled just like that *snap*, and that this is just given, then they dont know what they are talking about, sadly.

Have you tried it? Maybe it could end in a conversation that´s at least a bit more usefull than just getting told "It get´s better, dont worry".
But I definitly can relate to you being anxious about that, I mean about pushing back. If they would leave you, you deserve so much better people to talk to, really.

The last time I did something similar to that it really affected the person to the point I went to therapy and opened up more to other people just to lessen the burden. What hurts is that I tried so so hard to not be a burden but it wasn't enough to stop them from leaving. This was a romantic partner btw. It hurt a lot, especially since I wouldn't have done that to him. Ik everyone doesn't have the capacity but when I had a friend going through I similar thing I learnt to have the capacity and be there for her. I don't blame him but it still hurts so so much. It feels unfair too because people will stay if you hurt them but they won't stay if you're in pain.

 

[DangerRanger]

They can't understand because they've never felt it themselves. In a way, I'm happy for them. Feeling this way all the time is unbearable and exhausting. Trying to stay alive every day, hiding what we feel. Nobody should have to go through that.

 

[harmunee]

optimism is a fucking plague. nobody understands that it doesn't get better because they all believe in the delusion of optimism.

optimism isn't a delusion, you have a disorder. that's why you think it's not real.

 

[richardpinkhammer]

When my father was alive he suffered from soul crushing depression for years and years to the point that he had electroshock therapy. You could see the pain and suffering in his eyes and hear it in his voice. As a twenty something I simply didn't understand because I had never been through it. Well I'm 55 now and I understand all too well. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I've always been afraid of going through what he went through and rightly so. There's nothing that can prepare you for the constant drumbeat of "I just wish I could die" every waking moment of everyday.

 

[Dejected 55]

optimism isn't a delusion, you have a disorder. that's why you think it's not real.

Actually, scientifically speaking optimism is no less delusional than pessimism. If there is no reason to think your future will be bad because of past events, then there is no reason to think it will be good either. The future hasn't happened yet. Optimism and pessimism are both forms of delusion.

Both are attempts to skew perception of reality to reflect your inner desire to think you know what is coming your way. Only realists are non-delusional.

 

[harmunee]

Actually, scientifically speaking optimism is no less delusional than pessimism. If there is no reason to think your future will be bad because of past events, then there is no reason to think it will be good either. The future hasn't happened yet. Optimism and pessimism are both forms of delusion.

Both are attempts to skew perception of reality to reflect your inner desire to think you know what is coming your way. Only realists are non-delusional.

Actually, scientifically speaking optimism is no less delusional than pessimism. If there is no reason to think your future will be bad because of past events, then there is no reason to think it will be good either. The future hasn't happened yet. Optimism and pessimism are both forms of delusion.

Both are attempts to skew perception of reality to reflect your inner desire to think you know what is coming your way. Only realists are non-delusional.

our brains aren't made to view reality as it truly is. our brains are made to survive. i'm not trying to be mean or rude, i'm legit just trying to be objective here.
none of us can grasp true realism. we're blind. we only see 3 colors. we only hear a certain range of sounds. we're deluded from the start & it's nothing we can control, we're all born this way (with slight variations)

 

[Dejected 55]

our brains aren't made to view reality as it truly is. our brains are made to survive. i'm not trying to be mean or rude, i'm legit just trying to be objective here.
none of us can grasp true realism. we're blind. we only see 3 colors. we only hear a certain range of sounds. we're deluded from the start & it's nothing we can control, we're all born this way (with slight variations)

I'm just responding to your post though, where you said someone had a disorder and thinks optimism is a delusion. I was pointing out that optimism is in fact a delusion. You don't seem to be arguing against that, which makes me further question your earlier post.