Tord
Student
- Jun 11, 2025
- 191
Greetings,
a while ago I told an acquaintance that I'd be ending my life soon. I know this is in the vent category but it won't end badly - just letting you know before you read this, this is me ranting and rambling rather than venting.
I let him know so it'd maybe lessen the shock when I AM deceased one day.
I don't think he believed that I'd ctb some day in the future the first few times we brought it up again. Now he does. He accepts it, he says it's my business, he understands why I'll do it. He wants to ctb too if things get worse for him as well. However, sometimes he lets the side of him that's split on this slip out. I'm not angry with him though.
He told me ''why am I here talking to you every day when I know you'll just die anyway some day?'' I can't lie I said nothing to that initially. Simply because I had nothing to add to that. I think he thought he hurt me by asking that so he apologized quickly, but I wasn't silent because I was hurt. I was silent because it was too broad of a question.
Now you may be expecting to hear if I found an answer however I still haven't.
I don't know, why would you talk to someone that'll ctb in the future? By that logic..... why would one reply to posts on SaSu? Why would one work in a retirement home? Why would you talk to anyone or anything, ever? I mean everything dies, one day...... But I understand where his question comes from emotionally. And I understand why he asked me that and meant to word it differently.
Remember how I mentioned my acquaintance might ctb in the future as well? I told him there's nothing anyone could do about my decision before that, he agreed and said he wouldn't guilt me into doing anything, but now he's almost winning by not even doing anything. We're both West European, I don't want him to go through with some inhumane method like I will just because nearly anything effective is banned or will be hard to acquire here, so I kind of hope me catching the bus will not Butterfly Effect on him. But oh well.
I don't know what else to add to this experience, I just thought I'd share a little facet of how (almost) outsiders see future suicides, sometimes.
Regards
a while ago I told an acquaintance that I'd be ending my life soon. I know this is in the vent category but it won't end badly - just letting you know before you read this, this is me ranting and rambling rather than venting.
I let him know so it'd maybe lessen the shock when I AM deceased one day.
I don't think he believed that I'd ctb some day in the future the first few times we brought it up again. Now he does. He accepts it, he says it's my business, he understands why I'll do it. He wants to ctb too if things get worse for him as well. However, sometimes he lets the side of him that's split on this slip out. I'm not angry with him though.
He told me ''why am I here talking to you every day when I know you'll just die anyway some day?'' I can't lie I said nothing to that initially. Simply because I had nothing to add to that. I think he thought he hurt me by asking that so he apologized quickly, but I wasn't silent because I was hurt. I was silent because it was too broad of a question.
Now you may be expecting to hear if I found an answer however I still haven't.
I don't know, why would you talk to someone that'll ctb in the future? By that logic..... why would one reply to posts on SaSu? Why would one work in a retirement home? Why would you talk to anyone or anything, ever? I mean everything dies, one day...... But I understand where his question comes from emotionally. And I understand why he asked me that and meant to word it differently.
Remember how I mentioned my acquaintance might ctb in the future as well? I told him there's nothing anyone could do about my decision before that, he agreed and said he wouldn't guilt me into doing anything, but now he's almost winning by not even doing anything. We're both West European, I don't want him to go through with some inhumane method like I will just because nearly anything effective is banned or will be hard to acquire here, so I kind of hope me catching the bus will not Butterfly Effect on him. But oh well.
I don't know what else to add to this experience, I just thought I'd share a little facet of how (almost) outsiders see future suicides, sometimes.
Regards
