who else here is a loser🔥

[batmanreal]

i was gonna post this in the suicide discussion, but it's not really a source of sadness for me, it's just something i've noticed.
i've never done anything. i've been chronically online since the age of 7-8, i had to start homeschooling after 6th grade because of health issues, so i spent my entire childhood doing pretty much nothing. all i did was play video games, watch youtube and anime, interact with weirdos on amino, read, and browse some other toxic shit. on top of that, my mom never allowed me or my brothers to do anything. we weren't even allowed to go outside most of the time.
i'm surprised i'm not more fucked up because of this. i spent the majority of my life without much irl human interaction, but i think i'm fine. i struggled to interact with others for maybe a year, but now i'm pretty extroverted and i get along with/interact with people very easily. most of my issues involve keeping people in my life and overthinking everything interaction i have after the interaction has already ended. so idk maybe i was affected.

it's a little awkward when everyone around me starts talking about different experiences they had throughout their lives, and i have nothing to contribute. i've never been to a party, i've never had a partner, i've never had sex or even kissed someone (i've never even hugged someone in a non-platonic way), i've never been to a concert or festival, i went to a movie theater for the first time in 2022 (so i was roughly 16yrs old), there have only been two moments in my life where i hung out with a friend outside of a school/work setting (once when i was very young, once just a couple months ago), i've never tried alcohol, i've never smoked or (willingly) tried any drugs. i could go on. name anything that the majority of the population has done throughout their life (specifically during their childhood/teenage years), and i haven't done it.
i guess i'm a little sad that my youth was pretty much wasted, but idrc since there's nothing i can do about it now. i'm 19, so some people would argue that i'm still in my youth, but idk i'm too grown for that shit it's a little weird watching my brothers do all these things and live their lives while i just rot. they're all older than me, but they were still living life and having fun at my age and even younger.

now that i'm an adult with some freedom, i definitely could try more stuff, but i don't really have the opportunities. instead of being a chronically online child with no friends, i'm now a sad adult, still no friends, and too occupied with work and depression to do anything.

edit— BTW this thought entered my mind because of a conversation i had with my supervisor and a coworker yesterday. my supervisor was talking about highschool and showing us pictures. he kept calling himself a loser, but then had a bunch of stories of shit he was doing at the time, he was hanging out with friends and overall doing fun shit in all his photos, but called himself a loser because he wasn't super popular/liked some nerdy shit. meanwhile, at that age, i was doing... nothing.
i guess we all have different definitions of what a loser is, mine just seems to be very different from his and it threw me off, lol.

 

[shampoo sniffer]

it's a little awkward when everyone around me starts talking about different experiences they had throughout their lives, and i have nothing to contribute. i've never been to a party, i've never had a partner, i've never had sex or even kissed someone (i've never even hugged someone in a non-platonic way), i've never been to a concert or festival, i went to a movie theater for the first time in 2022 (so i was roughly 16yrs old), there have only been two moments in my life where i hung out with a friend outside of a school/work setting (once when i was very young, once just a couple months ago), i've never tried alcohol, i've never smoked or (willingly) tried any drugs. i could go on. name anything that the majority of the population has done throughout their life (specifically during their childhood/teenage years), and i haven't done it.

Saaame. Haven't done any of those things either.

But I am glad that I never tried alcohol or cigarettes. I am sure I would have developed an addiction if I had. So in way, I dodged a bullet.

 

[EternalHunger]

I spent so much of my life being one that even after I changed myself to the point where I would be wanted, my mind still is stuck during that period.

Genuinely feel you a ton, especially the amino part (I spent far too much time pouring my heart and art into fandoms xd); I just remember my world being online when I was younger, as though in the moment I would forget everything exists beyond the screen.