Where is the hope

[trying ungracefully]

I don't know if it is depression hitting hard again or reality hitting me again. Maybe both.

I don't know how to hold on to hope anymore. Some times I feel so good but it doesn't last like it should and something always brings me down whether it be myself or someone/something else. I want to live but I keep feeling suicidal because I really am giving up again even though I don't want to. I looked into TMS but I have to ask if it will be covered by insurance because my issues are bipolar and anxiety so that means it can be considered off label use if they were treating those I guess so it wouldn't be covered. I sobbed when that little bit of hope left.

Maybe electro shock therapy can be a hope. I don't know much about that though so I need to look into it. My insurance covers it lol.

 

[Zeir Anpin 729]

My insurance covers it lol.

Is this the thing where they ask you your thoughts and any time you say something "negative" they shock you until you become hardwired into only saying the "positive" things?

I didn't know that was still around. I think if its free you should try it. And if it doesn't work, sue the shit out of the system. For millions. They deserve it anyhow.

 

[trying ungracefully]

Is this the thing where they ask you your thoughts and any time you say something "negative" they shock you until you become hardwired into only saying the "positive" things?

I didn't know that was still around. I think if its free you should try it. And if it doesn't work, sue the shit out of the system. For millions. They deserve it anyhow.

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From what I looked up (Mayo Clinic) it is done under anesthesia and muscle relaxants and "During this procedure, small electric currents pass through the brain, intentionally causing a brief seizure. ECT seems to change brain chemistry, and these changes can quickly improve symptoms of certain mental health condition"

And

"Much of the stigma attached to ECT is based on early treatments in which high doses of electricity were given without medicines to put people to sleep. This led to greater pain, more fear and anxiety, fractured bones, and other serious side effects. ECT is much safer today. Although ECT still may cause some side effects, it now uses electric currents given in a controlled setting to get the most benefit with the fewest possible risks"

"ECT is believed to affect neurotransmitters and stimulate neuroplasticity, potentially providing quick relief when other treatments have failed."

Sorry I can't summarize well lol. But it does carry some serious side effects like memory loss that could last and other things and I've seen stories of permeant disability. Idk if it is right for me I just want to hold onto something because the good lasts the shortest in my life. It is a serious treatment to do so I'd want to think and try/explore other things before actually doing that. I have to call a place back to see if they think insurance would cover TMS for me so there's that.

And shit if I am disabled from trying it at least I could have a settlement check to ease the issues lmao.