When you realize you are trapped here

[Wolf Girl]

I think I'm at the point where I have tried enough options. Not every option, but enough. The deck is really stacked against me, just as it is for many of us.

I'm at the point where I think my mind has finally snapped. I dissociate so badly and forget most things. I don't remember much of June. I can barely speak sometimes. I hang my head low when I am in public and cower before others.

I'm really smart and was good at giving advice when I worked in social services. But I am at a loss. I don't see how I can survive with how far my functioning has deteriorated and the agonizing emotional pain in me

However, I am no longer emotionally prepared to ctb. I can't help but imagine my mom's reaction whenever I try to work up to it. Have you ever been there, in that moment where you realize that the pain is intolerable but you are really and truly trapped? It feels as if I am being tortured. The panic of being trapped is overwhelming. My god...

 

[Namelesa]

Yep I know that feeling of being trapped very well as I literally can't die but just have to continue to suffer greatly. It makes me feel hopeless in that I have so limited options to relieve this pain and just have to deal with it. Tho I more physically trapped than emotionally as I don't have much access to any good methods cus of living with parents that don't allow me to go outside on my own nor can I but anything without them knowing about it. I am sorry you suffer from a similar feeling to mine, hopefully we can get out of our prisons of pain at some point.

 

[Dejected 55]

I guess an upside to my being alone is, I don't have anyone to worry about that will hold me back. I'll just have my own instinct for survival to combat as I get closer to my time.

 

[Doll Steak]

I get it, I've been dissociating for a couple months now without even realizing and I feel like I'm forgetting A LOT of what I used to or should remember.
Its how I seem to function now though, Its like I'm in a constant state of dissociation to keep myself grounded and sane, It helps with my mental clarity and ability to make logical decisions and without it I feel I'd already be dead, or at least have many more attempts under my belt.

And yes, I do feel trapped, but that just makes me feelings towards CTB stronger. The emotional pain is fucking terrible and I hate the thought of the chaotic and brutal emotional turmoil that would ensue within my family after I die, I manage to numb my feelings so fucking much that in moments of despair I TRULY care for none of it, I'll care for NO one. In the heights of that desperation, I am so, so apathetic, but yet it's like my own self awareness pulls me away somehow, like I have a second, mentally okay voice speaking in my head telling me to stay.

Its all so strange, I might not even be making sense.

just my useless ramble.

I hope you can be okay someday.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel that I'm trapped while my Dad is still here. I've pretty much told myself that I simply can't do it while he would be affected by it.

I also do all I can to just distract myself continually. It's like I'm crawling along towards the finish line.

 

[PhDone]

Yep, being trapped is my biggest nightmare of my situation. Its claustraphobic. Makes me desperate, angry, screaming in torture on the inside. For a long time my way out of those feelings was this site and cluing myself on methods and building the basis of a plan. That helped me not feel so trapped, coz I was digging my tunnel. Now I know most of what I need. And the thought of the act is terrifying. I'm edging towards it but at the same time my trapped feeling now has no release and its overwhelming.

I have a chronic illness with no cure and live alone. Isolation and hellish circumstances. So no escape in this world for me.

Constantly blown away but the utter cruelty possible in this world tbh.

 

[Dark Moon]

That's also how it is for me, I'm trapped and I just can't get out of this situation that I'm in, especially with little to no support system and I can't even CTB easily without risks involved.

 

[kitkat9234]

I could have written this myself. I'm sorry you are also struggling. It's truly awful.

 

[bankai]

cus of living with parents that don't allow me to go outside on my own

Why are they doing that though?

Are they helicopter parents? Or are they just being protective since you had any prior attempt?

 

[Namelesa]

Why are they doing that though?

Are they helicopter parents? Or are they just being protective since you had any prior attempt?

Very protective of me cus of previous suicide attempts.

 

[bankai]

To answer the OP'S question. I found out when I first attempted partial hanging seriously.The terror I felt when the nose tightened around my neck was overwhelming.

I'm pretty sure I'll be able to down SN though.Might have to do it with someone else however, at some point. I feel this will help. We can cheer each other on.

Won't happen in 2025 though.In 2026 I feel there's a good chance.

But I feel I'm going to be around for a bit of time. It feels awful.

 

[jazzcat621]

That feeling of being trapped is all too real to me. Experienced it most my childhood before I had chances at CTB. Recently now after trying to CTB through suffocation, ive felt it again after getting last second panic and stopping myself. Only stopped feeling that feeling after finding this website

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

I'm trapped, feeling like I'm in a dark room that gets smaller as time goes on