Discussion What's the worst advice you've ever heard?

[Monolithian]

When it comes to mental health, what are the worst tips and advice? What are your pet peeves? Why? Keep in mind it doesn't necessarily have to be invalid advice, just something that you personally hate hearing.

 

[itsgone2]

"Snap out of it"

 

[Arvayn]

When a person is struggling, the last thing I want to tell them is "It gets better". No. That's not what they need to hear. That's empty hope that won't accomplish anything.

The truth is this: For every case of a person that managed to improve their bad life circumstance, there are many more that never got that chance. Survivorship bias makes many believe that "it gets better", but this is objectively untrue. You do not ever hear of the ones that it did not get better for, because they are dead. You only hear about the success stories.
Worse yet, this seems to be a motto for suicide counselling and emotional support in general. It's a hope-based slogan, but it is an incredibly flawed one.

This is not to say that one should always be pessimistic and rule out any possible chance of improvement. Being realistic is important. Either way, it is a gullible thing to say, on top of being statistically and existentially flawed.

A way better approach for emotionally comforting a person in crisis is to acknowledge their suffering and let them talk to you. Understand them, and show them affection. Put in work to actively care for them and insert yourself into their life to be a pillar of actionable support instead of just saying "I'm sorry" and "It gets better".

 

[Defatigatis]

"Stop thinking about that"
"You matters"
" Seek God"
" The way you live here in earth will also reflect in your spirit when you die"


The last one is the worse, because my problem IS living on earth itself and i only Fell the way o fell because of that fact, that live in a prison planet like this hellhole.
To ignore those...well, THINGS, who said that horrible advices, i just think that they are childs trying to understanding a real adult.

 

[throw-me-away]

"You just have to allow yourself to feel your feelings"

Ok, my feelings are that I want to die because my only purpose in life is to be sexually assaulted or otherwise used, and I hate everything since there will never be any kind of justice or even just acknowledgment that others should not treat me that way. How does that help, again, exactly?

 

[Endisclose]

"Its all in the mind. If you think you're ok, you're ok."

 

[getoutgirl]

"I do not think this will stop you from killing yourself eventually. But yeah you should try it"

"Your guilt is absurd and irrational, you just need to stop feeling that way ^^" ( - a therapist )

"go to uni"

 

[Ligottian]

They are legion. Here's a random one. "Try setting some goals".

 

[LittleSunshine]

I've had so much ridiculous, unsolicited advice thrown at me that I just smile. "Just think about something else or go do something fun." Sure… as if any of that is actually doable.

 

[shampoo sniffer]

"You don't have it that bad, there are people out there with no arms or legs"

 

[littlecutecorpse]

"...think about people who care about you. family, friends..."

uh-huh. maybe like two people out of the many in my life, but everyone else doesn't give a damn.

my therapist dismisses my thoughts and feelings as 'irrational' and 'attention-seeking'
the only in-person "friend" i had who reported me for attempting once called me 'selfish' once i was out from the ward
mom admitted she didn't care about what i had to say or think. did the bare minimum of what the docs and therapist wanted her to do to not have CPS called on while i was still a minor
and every other folk i've talked to either says i'm 'doing too much' or should stop acting 'stupid'

^and together, all of them say i'm being manipulative for having expressed my ideation!!! fun, isn't it?


that's why i'm hardly concerned with how people will feel once i'm rotting away. it just angers me everytime someone tells those same, copy/paste words...

 

[BrainSplatter]

"Leave the past in the past, if you stop thinking about it you'll feel better" How's that even useful I have PTSD I don't just simply invoke my flashbacks I can't stop thinking about it even if I tried

 

[Busridin'26]

It's like a whole fucking story(stories?) But "fake it till you make it" like I knew it was stupid asf at 14 and now like 13 yrs later I still know it's fucking stupid.

And honestly probs so much invalidating and stupid ass shit my mom used to say to me. Can't even quote it bc I have/we have/trauma has blocked that shit outta my memory. Thinking about it is pissing me off tho so ik there's a lot there.

Istg so many adults in my life/ that were in my life basically just said to kms and/or ignore it.

 

[VoidBlessed]

"Just be yourself and you'll find your people"

 

[Hotsackage]

relax

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

"shut up my god you annoy the hell out of me"
"I get depressed too sometimes and I just focus on the positive"
"you are loved"

 

[NoHorizon]

"It's OK not to be OK"

... Alright, what the fuck am I supposed to do with that then?

 

[Macedonian1987]

Imagine this, you're in terrible chronic pain and your pain is stronger than it usually is that day. Out of desperation you open up to a "friend" whom you trust about your suicidality and his only advice is not comfort or any other kind words, but this: Don't do it, you will go to hell for it.
And this person thinks of himself being a loyal servant of God, doing good things, visiting monasteries and often going to liturgies.

 

[Vlad Tepes]

So much naive dogshit I dont even know where to begin, lol. Though I think the dumbest thing Ive heard is the whole "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" bit.

 

[Forg]

"All of you autistic people are geniuses".

WHAT???

 

[UserFromNowhere]

Every time I hear "you shouldn't be afraid to seek help" it only makes me more fearful of getting help.

 

[thebayleaf]

i feel terribly mean posting this because she meant well and was trying to help, but last time I was suicidal my best friend recommended I quit my job, start smoking cigarettes and then move to western australia and get a job in the mines (basically the australian equivalent of getting a job on an oil rig) it doesn't sound like the worst advice until you learn I'm a tiny lil agoraphobe transgirl who can barely leave the house to get groceries. i am not built for the mines.

 

[mysticatedwine]

i feel terribly mean posting this because she meant well and was trying to help, but last time I was suicidal my best friend recommended I quit my job, start smoking cigarettes and then move to western australia and get a job in the mines (basically the australian equivalent of getting a job on an oil rig) it doesn't sound like the worst advice until you learn I'm a tiny lil agoraphobe transgirl who can barely leave the house to get groceries. i am not built for the mines.

"go work in the mines" is a crazy pull to try and make a friend feel better. that gave me a chuckle (in all respectfulness). i wish you the best

 

[starboy2k]

"you think people won't miss you when you're gone"

AS IF PEOPLE TEMPORARILY REMINISCING ABOUT THE VERY MINUSCULE PRESENCE I HAD IN THEIR LIVES ARE SUPPOSED TO ELIMINATE THE CONSTANT TRAUMA I THINK ABOUT AND EXPERIENCE IN MY LIFE. I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT A FEW PEOPLE "MISSING" ME AFTER I DIE WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF RHETORIC IS THAT!!!!!

keep in mind this person said this to me AFTER telling me I should "kill myself" because of my disdain for working in this capitalistic economy.

this is why i dont say shit about my suicidal ideation unless its on this website, normies make me fucking sick sometimes……

 

[Pale_Rider]

I hate when they say it will get better. yes, my mental illness has improved. that's only because of my own efforts. research for what should be done, and implementation by myself. one of us is what the irl calls a "fictitious". He's a machine, and to the dismay of irl he has real world advantages. The reactions of civilians to my state of being is something that will never get better. humans are savages. idc how many tools they learn to use with those opposable thumbs, or how much agriculture they develop. ok end rent. . I need to note I had no choice , but to work on my mental illness. It was eating me alive at a much faster rate then it dies today. I was driven to either ctb, or work on it just so turned out there were issues embedded in the all consuming mental health fiasco that needed to be sorted as part of preps for ctb. for me ctb is not a spontaneous decision. it's well thought out, and approved by a committee . meanwhile there are things I can't fix myself. of course there is no help on those. I'm held to a standard even the "therapist" doesn't hold themselves to. it's all manipulation at the end of the day. to what end who even know? who even cares? I don't anymore. fuck them all

 

[Gonk]

"go outside, make friends then you will feel better"

Oh and then here's another version:

"just find yourself a girlfriend bro, or you will go crazy"

Right... When I be honest myself, people don't want to be around with me. Suprised? Not at all. It is just funny, as much as annoying it is. More over, I do find intentionally selfish to seek out for people because you want to fix something about yourself. I would make a friend in those rare situations, but I can not make one by the fear of being left alone.

Alas, biologically speaking, yeah it is what it is. Unless one is built different by birth, average human needs little to much social connection in order to feel... sane... That's making me angry, I can not easily drive myself to idea that I need to socialize just because I need to. Well, they don't need me! Neither I contribute postively, so what?

 

[7000bees]

Ik people have already said this one, but 'it gets better' is honestly just insulting at this point. I've been hearing that bullshit for years, and not once has it been true. But sure, this time everything will just fall into place — I just need to keep on suffering and everything will magically be fine in the end.

 

[TheHolySword]

"don't kill yourself"

 

[Benjiii]

"Work to keep busy" or any variation that implies that working is the solution to mental health or personality problems, which maybe it is, but come on, I don't even have the strength to leave the house.

 

[KlMeNw]

"You just have to allow yourself to feel your feelings"

Ok, my feelings are that I want to die because my only purpose in life is to be sexually assaulted or otherwise used, and I hate everything since there will never be any kind of justice or even just acknowledgment that others should not treat me that way. How does that help, again, exactly?

Sorry to ask this but im genuinely confused. Are you saying that you are currently being sexually assaulted or that you think it is your purpose to be sexually assaulted?