meowmentous
trying to survive
- Apr 7, 2025
- 52
I'm about to go in for work in about an hour, and I'd love to call off right now, but I'm not about to do that. But I'd love to! Because, like, what's even the point?
I know I'll come back just continuing to feel like shit and feeling the same. Feeling like my friends and bf don't care, even though they do! But it's not like they care for any creativity I try to push forward, so maybe I should just stop expressing myself. I mean, they probably do, but it's so hard to see it. It's so hard to feel like people care when you feel like… this. I try so hard to stay positive. I tried to go for a walk yesterday because for once it was beautiful out, and I was so naive to think that would help. Because of course it didn't.
Death feels so much easier than life but I know I could never go through such because I am just too scared of everything surrounding it. I think about it, get comforted, and then remember everything else. I just could never do it, despite how much comfort it brings me sometimes if the lights could finally be out. But live laugh love major anxiety, am I right? Whatever afterlife comes after this scares me, and the fact that I'll hurt people scares me the same. Hence why I can never jump in front of a car or train, despite what my intrusive thoughts sometimes say to do. I could never do that to the driver or conductor, or anyone else involved in witnessing that.
I'm off to be a cashier drone
I hope this vent is understandable, I just woke up kind of lol. I also am still learning this website, so I apologize for not tagging this post as a vent— I am unsure how to, but I'll do so once I figure it out.
Anyway, the TLDR of this is… what's the point of even going to work anymore? I mean, I stayed away from it for so long, but I just couldn't anymore. And now, all I can think about is how shitty I currently feel. I can't wait to ruminate about that in my brain while I check out people, lol.
I know I'll come back just continuing to feel like shit and feeling the same. Feeling like my friends and bf don't care, even though they do! But it's not like they care for any creativity I try to push forward, so maybe I should just stop expressing myself. I mean, they probably do, but it's so hard to see it. It's so hard to feel like people care when you feel like… this. I try so hard to stay positive. I tried to go for a walk yesterday because for once it was beautiful out, and I was so naive to think that would help. Because of course it didn't.
Death feels so much easier than life but I know I could never go through such because I am just too scared of everything surrounding it. I think about it, get comforted, and then remember everything else. I just could never do it, despite how much comfort it brings me sometimes if the lights could finally be out. But live laugh love major anxiety, am I right? Whatever afterlife comes after this scares me, and the fact that I'll hurt people scares me the same. Hence why I can never jump in front of a car or train, despite what my intrusive thoughts sometimes say to do. I could never do that to the driver or conductor, or anyone else involved in witnessing that.
I'm off to be a cashier drone
I hope this vent is understandable, I just woke up kind of lol. I also am still learning this website, so I apologize for not tagging this post as a vent— I am unsure how to, but I'll do so once I figure it out.Anyway, the TLDR of this is… what's the point of even going to work anymore? I mean, I stayed away from it for so long, but I just couldn't anymore. And now, all I can think about is how shitty I currently feel. I can't wait to ruminate about that in my brain while I check out people, lol.
