What's keeping you around?

[woofwag]

Many of us want to die and have for a while. What's your personal reason for sticking around? Lack of accessibility, desire to hold out a bit longer, needing time to figure out more logistics, waiting for a partner, etc? Personally, I am waiting until I have no more money for rent and then I will likely do partial hanging since it's the most accessible to me right now (even if I prefer nitrogen inhalation).

 

[mysticatedwine]

i'm not sure. i suppose i'm waiting until i have enough money for the chemicals needed for CO since they're pretty hard to get where i live. logistics aside, i have three people in my life i don't feel comfortable leaving on their own:

- 1st one is my best friend, she lives with me and is very dependant on me and emotionally vulnerable. she's already gone through the loss of one of the most important ppl of her life less than 2 years ago and hasn't recovered from it yet. i don't want to leave her alone in this big flat of ours, with all the memories we shared still being there as a constant reminder. however, she will probably have moved away in less than one year. that's when i'm planning to commit suicide.

- 2nd one is one the only friend i have in my class (i'm in uni). we both kinda dislike the other people in my class so we only have each other for support during classes. most of our group projects we do together and we rely a lot on each other. i do not want to leave her alone for the rest of the school year, she's amazing. by next year she'll have moved to another city so i'll be on my own.

- 3rd one is another friend in uni but who isn't in my class. i'm pretty sure i'm her closest friend at uni and i really care about them. They have been one of the few people during these few last years to make life worthwhile, but they'll likely be gone too by next year.

all three of these friends will have left my life by next year because they'll have moved. i'll be on my own to commit suicide without fearing of leaving them behind on their own. i wish on all three of them the best lives one can have, god knows they deserve it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't want my suicide to hurt my Dad. I can't say I'm not fearful also but, that's the main obstruction. Less so are work commitments- which I'd probably still honour. But, my fortitude is wearing thin now to be honest. I'm not sure I'm willing to keep holding on.

 

[FuneralCry]

I only continue to suffer as I'm so cruelly denied the option to painlessly cease existing so I can finally be at peace from the dreadful, torturous and futile abomination of existence that I always saw as a mistake.

I always suffer so much from how I cannot just access a painless, guaranteed way to cease existing with the suffering and torture of human existence seen as to force and prolong no matter what, it's all so cruel to me and as long as I exist I'll just wish and hope to never suffer again, for me non-existence really is all that's desirable, I'd just never wish for this existence that just causes so much suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for with no limit as to how much one can be tortured.

 

[mysticatedwine]

I don't want my suicide to hurt my Dad. I can't say I'm not fearful also but, that's the main obstruction. Less so are work commitments- which I'd probably still honour. But, my fortitude is wearing thin now to be honest. I'm not sure I'm willing to keep holding on.

i feel you. my dad is probably the only person i'm close to in my family, and he's really done a good job given the circumstances. i wish you to find the strength you need, whether it's strength to hold onto this world or strength to leave it

 

[Wrath]

I'm sticking around because of a few reasons:
1. I have a bad habit of taking too many notes about too many things. I'm digitizing them right now as I type this/procrastinate a little. Once I'm done organizing them, which should take a month or few, I'm going to move onto the next stage. It's at 600k words lmao.
2. After I'm done with that I'm going to clean up my belongings. I will also take a break from the computer.
3. Then I'll read through some of my notes and decide if I want to try to make any of them real. Right now the answer is probably no. But I want to have everything in front of me before I do something. My plan should be completely finalized by this point.
4. If the answer really is no. Then I'll see if there's any games I would like to finish before I go. This might take a month or a week depending.
5. Ctb.

I recognize that all of this is really a form of advanced procrastination. But if I do it this way, I really will have no more 'what-ifs'. My dates to hit are either christmas of this year. Or next year on my birthday. Christmas this year would be nice for me. I always liked the music, cold, and snow. It's my go to date. It'll also be the last christmas before I turn 20. It's gotten through my head that it would be worse if I lived until 20. I don't really know why. It's just more time for me to be proven a total fuckup I guess.

I was delaying it for some time. But I went outside after trying to stay inside for a few months, and I really thought I was finally okay with being a weirdo. Then I saw other people my age with friends at the grocery store. It took a lot out of me to not cry in the store. Life really hits me like this sometimes where I finally think I can cope, and then I get an uppercut punch to the face. Every single time. For a few months at the start of this year, I really didn't think about suicide at all. I stayed inside and ignored everything. I still felt like shit each and every day. But I could do it if I never had to go outside again. Maybe I really would 'recover' if I could get everything delivered now and forever. But that's a whole lot of work for a whole lot of nothing.

 

[batmanreal]

no gun (yet). plus, i'm extremely incompetent and have failed multiple attempts.

 

[famouslastwords]

I don't want to leave my grandparents alone and I don't want to hurt them.

 

[Grog]

Currently, I don't feel like killing myself. I've felt more positive lately; thanks to the support from very special friends~ I also might finally have my own apartment soon, which will make me feel safe and give me peace and quiet~

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Fear of failing
Fear of pain
Fear of afterlife being worse

 

[Irisse]

I don't want to hurt my parents and my grandma is very old so she might die from shock alone if I ctb. But every day is unbearable mental pain and I cannot hold out any longer. I also made a promise to my psychiatrist that I won't do anything to myself but I don't know if I can keep that promise because again I'm just a financial burden on my parents and not even that good of a person, so the world won't lose much by my absence.

 

[Andarna]

The fear of failure and ending up in a worse situation than I am now is the main reason I'm still here.

I'm also worried about my dog. He won't understand why I suddenly disappeared.

 

[otoyikim]

The days leading up to the 25th of september. On the 25th, i'm out.

 

[Hollowman]

I've been trying to hold on for my mom but I'm beyond tired.

 

[Liebestod]

Me being a coward by not buying a rifle and shooting myself.

 

[WPack]

Scared of failure, but i shouldn't coward out of it deep down.

 

[deep-sleeper]

Video games, animes and manga releases

 

[Lyscx]

Many of us want to die and have for a while. What's your personal reason for sticking around? Lack of accessibility, desire to hold out a bit longer, needing time to figure out more logistics, waiting for a partner, etc? Personally, I am waiting until I have no more money for rent and then I will likely do partial hanging since it's the most accessible to me right now (even if I prefer nitrogen inhalation).

I want to write a story 300-500 pages long with high level world building and good plot

 

[Traveller12724]

Funny enough I am waiting until I run out of money, which is a nice external deadline that ensures that I have no other choice, I feel like cornering myself like that will help with overcoming any SI in my way.

 

[Liseli]

Currently on how far I could make it in the system

 

[Off_Switch]

Being too pussy to do it.