what would you do if you had access to your method?

[Dawns]

If you had access to your method right now, would you leave? or would you hold onto it for possibility in the future

 

[L9my]

i would hold onto it for use in the future.

 

[knickknack81]

The later. It would be a gun and if I didn't live in a place with super strict gun control laws, I would go to a range and get some lessons in terms of how to use and handle a firearm so I would be more comfortable with it and didn't make any mistakes if/when I decide to CTB. Also, im still not 100 percent sure CTB is what I want to do. I am leaning that way but I dont want to do it until I am 100 percent sure. So while I would be happy I had the main tool needed to complete this, I would still wait a little while longer until deciding if I actually want to do it.

 

[mattoman]

Spreads the room, but my way is rail suicide. It sucks a lot for the driver, I know. I'd have to look for the perfect time for the train to pass the place I've looked that rail suicide would be possible.

 

[usernamegoeshere]

feel like the only reason i made it this far is because i dont have my method. i'd probably just say fuck it and do it LOL

 

[notVeryZen3]

feel like the only reason i made it this far is because i dont have my method. i'd probably just say fuck it and do it LOL

right, like if there was EASY access to a painless quick method, i would have been outta here faster than usain bolt.

 

[Off_Switch]

I would be in fent-opia right now.

 

[MyShadow]

In my head and heart, I am ready. However, I would finish writing my letters and call a few people to give them a proper but veiled goodbye. Then, I would exit.

 

[juliaiscrazyer]

Use it. Or at least make the plan to use it.

 

[Vagheit]

I won't use it right away. I will keep it until I have one of those BPD episodes because I will have enough courage to use it when that happes

 

[Hellis]

I have access I stare at the sn and cry but I'm too scared they'll lock me up I can't go back

 

[boredout]

Start getting rid of shit and use some of my leftover money on one last overseas trip or something

 

[LackOfDetermination]

I'd eat the rest of the food I have at the time for a few days (cuz I LOVE food), then maybe enjoy some ice cream with my sn lol

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd just peacefully cease existing and finally be free from this dreadful, cruel and torturous existence I always saw as a mistake which is all I wish and hope for, all I want is peace from this existence.

I just want to never suffer again, only non-existence can bring me the relief I search for and I always suffer from how I cannot just have a death like falling into an eternal dreamless sleep to finally escape from the abomination of existence as no matter what I'd prefer to not exist than suffer so unnecessarily with no limit as to how much I can be tortured in this existence I never would had chosen and would never wish for, I find it so deeply undesirable to exist and I see so much cruelty in being denied the option to peacefully cease existing that is guaranteed as all I want is to never suffer ever again.

 

[NegevChina]

I've got access to my method (Nitrogen+exit bag) for about a year. When I decided I need to CTB, about 6 months before, I was in panic. I was ready to do desperate things like jumping, ODing, train, drowning. Ever since I've gathered my CTB system I've been much calmer and delayed my CTB few times since. I've actually planed to do it twice, got the equipment in my car, but chickened out.

 

[princexhhn]

Probably wait it out for a few until I get drunk one night and find the courage to do it. I always get extra suicidal when I'm drunk

 

[Malfunction]

I'd feel an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders.

I wouldn't necessarily jump at the opportunity now, but knowing I could at any time would give me a true feeling of freedom.

In short, once my health deteriorated enough, I'd be ready to go on my terms.

 

[AlistairSky]

Confession: I own a gun, but I still haven't used it. The closest I've gotten is loading it and walking around with it in my hand all day. So I guess I wouldn't do anything because I'm a coward.

I just need to get rid of all my stuff so my hoarder family doesn't make themselves miserable with every scrap of paper I have lying around. I need to erase all my hard drives and burn all my diaries so they don't have to read how much I resent them while they're already grieving. Also I just feel weird leaving a legacy of angsty, half-finished, niche queer erotica.

And I haven't done all those things yet because I'm scared. If I destroy all my art, and then I somehow survive (it's a small, weak revolver), my life will be even worse than it is now.

 

[ZMkxAVBQ]

I have access to a method. But it's not quite proven foolproof, and I want to deal with post-death legal minutiae first, death cleaning, etc.

And... I'm afraid to fail. And I feel like I'm on a precipice where it's maybe possible that all isn't lost, but that window is closing rapidly, and I don't know if I have the fortitude to get through before it's too late.