Venting WHAT MORE DOES LIFE WANT FROM ME

[leviant123]

Loneliness is genuinely eating me up alive it's actually insane. I'm getting a bit irritated now because why can't I just have at least one person that turkey cares about me? one person who has me as a priority? one person who doesn't have me as their last option? is there anyone I can simply just be around? why does everyone around me not wanna actually be my friend? They'll talk to me but if I start wanting to talk more it never continues.

My friendships never last and I never know why. All my relationships end up with me getting hurt and the other person doesn't care about me. I want peace for once. This is only some of how I feel because I don't remind myself too much about how i feel.

I want to die so fucking bad but i have my animals here and I don't want them to be alone. I'm staying alive for that sole purpose. other than that this life is absolutely pointless for me. I feel eaten up alive by the reminder I have no one.

I feel so pathetic for not having friends and relationships where none of them ever cared. Sure I've had some "friends" but i was what you call a floater, no one actually included me.

My heart still aches from how my partner is so eager to talk to everyone else but with me he gets so annoyed and my conversations just don't interest him yet he says everything is ok.

I think this is the type of loneliness where you have people around you yet you're not actually included or have any connections. I want those two things.

Hopefully this makes sense. I should probably drown myself in work to distract myself. i don't know anymore.

 

[deep-sleeper]

I relate with this so much man…

 

[leviant123]

I relate with this so much man…

dude it fucking sucks, and it's like we just gonna be stuck here and we can't do nothing about it. i hate that i say that but ive been trying for years to improve and do whatever it may take to have people accept me and it always goes downhill. like sure i got my animals but why would i put that pressure on an animal ykwim? IM supposed to be taking care of them not them taking care of me. shit is madness, just going through the days waiting for it to be over

 

[deep-sleeper]

dude it fucking sucks, and it's like we just gonna be stuck here and we can't do nothing about it. i hate that i say that but ive been trying for years to improve and do whatever it may take to have people accept me and it always goes downhill. like sure i got my animals but why would i put that pressure on an animal ykwim? IM supposed to be taking care of them not them taking care of me. shit is madness, just going through the days waiting for it to be over

It also sucks how I need to mask my feelings and act sociable 24/7 for people to care about me. When the mask slips they instantly lose interest and no longer want to be around

 

[leviant123]

It also sucks how I need to mask my feelings and act sociable 24/7 for people to care about me. When the mask slips they instantly lose interest and no longer want to be around

yeah that too, if you have someone who cares about you they should try and be there for you no matter what, yet that isn't something in reach for some reason..?

it's that or when you wanna be yourself and simply speak to them and try and connect it's like they take back all the compliments or nice stuff they said. its not like you said anything controversial or anything yet its like they pull a "sike!" move.

i'm honestly thinking about those interactions I had wondering how I manage to kill the conversation.

 

[sanctionedusage]

My heart still aches from how my partner is so eager to talk to everyone else but with me he gets so annoyed and my conversations just don't interest him yet he says everything is ok.

this part was pretty horrible to read because it's such a 'small thing' that they could easily remedy; why would anyone get into a relationship with someone else just to show them so much apathy and rejection. how hard is it to show the partner you chose that you gaf? many hugs.

nothing is more depressing than the reminder that you're genuinely on your own after you somewhat forget about that isolating truth. then it snowballs into a full force reminder that the people who are supposed to be your ties to life actually wouldn't be bothered either way. maybe it's my sensitivity to being ignored or brushed off in conversation/speech because it's pretty hard for me to talk, but repeatedly dealing with that disinterest would deteriorate me so quickly. i try to avoid it altogether instead by not involving myself with others at all, obviously not going too well lol.

 

[leviant123]

this part was pretty horrible to read because it's such a 'small thing' that they could easily remedy; why would anyone get into a relationship with someone else just to show them so much apathy and rejection. how hard is it to show the partner you chose that you gaf? many hugs.

nothing is more depressing than the reminder that you're genuinely on your own after you somewhat forget about that isolating truth. then it snowballs into a full force reminder that the people who are supposed to be your ties to life actually wouldn't be bothered either way. maybe it's my sensitivity to being ignored or brushed off in conversation/speech because it's pretty hard for me to talk, but repeatedly dealing with that disinterest would deteriorate me so quickly. i try to avoid it altogether instead by not involving myself with others at all, obviously not going too well lol.

i appreciate your sympathy :). and i agree it is depressing. its this weird thing that you just have to come to terms with apparently. i feel like avoiding it is probably better lol. when you're constantly trying so hard with constant disinterest and just ignoring it tears you up because you realize you genuinely have no hope. i guess we're all in the same boat.
I wish i had a family that would still be there for me which would complete me not gonna lie but i guess i didn't hit the jackpot with that either.

hey we're still pushing i guess

 

[R. A.]

Hoping to inject a spot of levity to lighten your mood...

at least one person that turkey cares about me?

turkey

 

[leviant123]

Hoping to inject a spot of levity to lighten your mood...

it did actually! I reread it like 3 times and somehow didn't catch it, maybe it's a good thing I didn't lol

 

[R. A.]

it did actually! I reread it like 3 times and somehow didn't catch it, maybe it's a good thing I didn't lol

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