I'm from Australia (21M). CTB went from curiousity to wish, to attempt, here's the story:
[Discovering CTB was a thing]
In 2016 a teacher with orangish hair told the class someone attempted CTB due to bullying or smth, I asked a stupid question "what method" and got told off. Later in the computer room, I found the Wikipedia page for CTB methods, and had to close it when a student got concerned (tho merely commented in surprise).
[Earliest non existence wish. And project that should have been a warning sign for me to get better academic support or similar]
Around 2016 or early 2017, me and one other person was in a group doing some scarecrow task. I thought that motion sensor bird alarms, either near it or replacing it was ok, I told the teacher and she said it wasn't what she was after. I went and searched crackly tarp, and after that (and maybe confusion) got side tracked.
Dreading the task, I didn't write as much as I could, and when I heard news stories of North Korea's concerning nuke program, I basically hoped I was nuked, tho thinking how unlikely it would be for Adelaide to be a target (va Melbourne or Sydney) and even if it was, didn't want others to be wiped.
Long story short, I unfortunately caused my friend to do an unfair amount of work, straining our friendship a bit. We ultimately ended up working with another, slightly nicer teacher, and got a reasonable scarecrow done together. I think I apologised for not doing as much, not too sure what happened next.
[Deeper research out of curiousity]
In 2019 or so, with my own laptop, I randomly searched that Wikipedia article, reading it thoroughly (it didn't yet have a subsection for why CTB methods were written about). I went to the poisons section at one point, found Sodium Nitrite, and on the reference list is SaSu. I spend a nice long while every now and then reading for curiousity. Even discovering the Night Night method and going past page 1 or 2.
[CTB stated loudly]
When some female student made me feel a bit stressed, not sure of the details, I loudly said "I will kill myself with the night night method!", tho probably wasn't yet intent on CTB. Seconds later, I realised, oops, a close friend heard it. We talked at recess, I mention that I won't CTB, and that I still have the method saved, and another friend concerned told me "Delete it!". I later speak to a Student Support person, mention I won't CTB, and move my notes into a random system folder (those lines of text were never to be found again, I searched for it out of curiousity months later with laptop in car)
[Getting serious]
In 2020, I read the Peaceful Pill handbook online (I was 16 then!), and in 2021, I remember spending hours in class reading the 5 last acts, likely obtained from a link here, when I couldn't find much info for a science SHE task about certain pregnancy disease tests. Yes, I could probably have tried summarising abstracts of science articles or smth, tho I instead felt gloomy and hoped I could try something in the Euthanasia ebook. Somehow most of the task was sent, maybe I got assistance when I eventually told the teacher I couldn't find info.
[The one way bus but skipped ticket process] <-- search this in quotes for more info
In 2022, the "beast of distraction", took me firmly in its grasp. Hours per day were likely lost browsing the web vs digital assignments and tasks. A due date for a business task crept up, and I let it slip, then with the knowledge I learnt (I was 17, almost 18), tied a used sock around my neck (but skipping steps from night night method, otherwise you'd never have read this), attempted CTB without anyone knowing, literally responding "Yes mum" to "Go to wash" or similar. After a few mins, hardly anything happened, despite even making it tight, I realised something was wrong, got off the one way bus, and went to wash.
PS: Only a priest heard the news that I tried CTB, tho I didn't explain it with detail
[About to register]
In 2024, I remember sitting in class and reading SaSu as guest, about a user called @2ndme. Her final post... Everything from "here is the spot", and "warming my clothes by the heater" to photos of the chemical. I read with a lot of concern, and as soon as she said she drunk the mix, I was like "oh no". (Odd how other's CTB made me concerned, but failing CTB myself didn't give me much concern).
When she mentioned "I feel regretful", that really hurt to read, others said she could quickly call an ambulance, and later, that no news stories were there... I didn't know if she was even alive.
[Registering]
I remember typing a Mousepad document about a character who is desperate to CTB after discovering his gf cheated on him, and it was the final straw. A few paragraphs later, I pasted the tale into a form and an @EmptyBottle materialised here (I corrected the tall tale with truth months later, tho I don't know myself perfectly).
After registering here in April 11th, 2025, secretly thinking something can be done to assist future users before another case like that occurs.
My subtle ways of helping probably can't do too much, but I can say that I tried.
I later watch a YT video, maybe 18 mins long, that mentioned a young British man tell his parents he took SN and asked for an ambulance, later passing away... and that gave me closure.
[Recent]
In July 2025, anticipating consequences for not doing as much as I probably could for uni tasks, I get close to CTB, but distractions and being too tired stops me... tho idk if I would or wouldn't retry (I merely told myself 'let's see how close I can get to CTB). After the results, no consequences occured (me and the other person worked to clean my room up, that was nice) and besides CTB wishes, I doubt I'd try CTB. While I can't fix errors of the past, I can hopefully learn from them.
PS: I like how this forum is informative, friendly, and enjoyable.
