Venting What is the point of anything?

[im gonna grow wings]

I've been struggling a lot these last few months. I got laid off from my job because of this new administration, my best friend from college killed herself that same month, and now I'm just floating, trying to find any meaning in my life. Yeah, I have a few friends, a good relationship with a guy that loves me, my mom loves and cares about me, but I have no purpose. I just can't find meaning in living. I wish I could, but everything just seems to be getting worse around me no matter what outlook I have. I feel horribly guilty for even feeling this way, so many people have it harder than me. But I feel like I'm wasted potential. I wish I could trade bodies with someone who has a better outlook on life so that this flesh and blood isn't here for nothing.

I wish I wasn't a colossal fuck up, I wish my dad was nicer to me, I wish I was prettier, I wish I had any motivation to make my life better but I just don't. I don't know how.

 

[Off_Switch]

I used to be so driven. I accomplished a few things in my life that the average person wouldn't. But I feel like I had to exert 10 times as much energy to accomplish these things, than the average person would. And all of a sudden I went from that to struggling to even do menial every day tasks. I basically doom scroll my days away now, to distract myself from the fact that life is indeed pointless.