Discussion What do you hope to get out of CTBing?

[dogemn]

If what you're hoping for is non-existence, that's kind of incoherent because our minds can't actually imagine non-existence. And things like relief, peace, or rest all require you to still be alive to feel them. So if it's not that, what is it you actually want out of death?

 

[Dawns]

what appeals to me is that i will no longer be on this planet suffering emotionally, financially, mentally, etc. Also just being so tired and burnt out yet i barely work or do anything, because im so depressed. Also not to mention masking emotions everyday . And the future ain't looking great either. years of suicidal ideation with no improvement is pushing me closer and closer to blowing my brains out

 

[scordatura]

To rid both me and others of the burden of myself.

 

[apearl]

peace, I hope whatever is next is peaceful

 

[qewpie]

just dont want to experience this dam body anymore

 

[cloud;.]

Peace....

 

[jinmaopoison]

Someone else said eternal non-existence and thats pretty much it. Just seems more peaceful

 

[itsgone2]

Peace. Release from all this pain.

 

[Irisse]

I want to be free of my paranoia and traumatic memories.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

If what you're hoping for is non-existence, that's kind of incoherent because our minds can't actually imagine non-existence.

That's the gist of it, isn't it? We cannot experience non-existence, but we can experience the pain, the suffering, and the unfortunate circumstances that have led to us making the decision to end our lives. We won't be able to experience love or happiness, but that becomes no more than a trade-off. I cannot know my death, I only have the experience of life, and I know I've lost the will to live. I'm only concerned about what I will feel in my final moments. Will I experience relief? Or will I experience panic? Anything past that does not concern me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Non-existence is all I could ever hope for, I just want to be permanently unconscious, I just want to be free from this dreadful, cruel and torturous existence I always saw as a mistake, for me non-existence is just the only peace and relief in this existence that just causes harm and suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured and to never suffer again is just all I see as desirable.

For me non-existence is all that's positive, I just wish and hope to be free from all future unnecessary suffering in this existence that was always an abomination to me in the first place, I find it the most terrible tragedy how this existence was imposed.

 

[Unrequitedlife]

To be rid of the constant urge to leave this plane of existence

 

[dogemn]

That's the gist of it, isn't it? We cannot experience non-existence, but we can experience the pain, the suffering, and the unfortunate circumstances that have led to us making the decision to end our lives. We won't be able to experience love or happiness, but that becomes no more than a trade-off. I cannot know my death, I only have the experience of life, and I know I've lost the will to live. I'm only concerned about what I will feel in my final moments. Will I experience relief? Or will I experience panic? Anything past that does not concern me.

I understand that. But for some reason I still find the thought of non-existence terrifying once I actually confronted it head-on, because last week I was preparing to kill myself with SN, having done everything that I had to do like fasting, taking the metoclopramide, etc. but when it was time to take the SN, the thought of non-existence and what it entailed suddenly came to my mind very vividly. I guess not being able to mentally conceive what "not existing" means terrified me too much to go through with it. It's very difficult to overcome that fear and not truly knowing where this will "take you", if that makes sense.

 

[Knoc]

I'm a crazy, deranged, lunatic, every minute of my sad, pathetic existence is full of pain and dread. I hope to stop experiencing so much misery and sadness once and for all.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

My suicide to escape a hell a trillion times worse than the worst hell one can imagine to Non-existence forever . Eternall Non-existence is the escape from and only guarantee I won't suffer like that a hell a trillion times worse than u can imagine

Imo humans have no idea how bad pain or suffering can be . If they did humans would be terrified of living, not wishing for more life and immortality even. Not telling me i have to be grateful for this extreme horror called life. Humans would be angry they stole every one's right that we had to escape this nightmare called life and this evil world.

Instead imo most are thinking about what they will watch on youtube social media sports and other meaningless garbage

 

[ringo99]

Peace. I know I'm never going to find it if I continue living. Ctb is the only way out of my personal hell.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Of course, it would be nice if we could consciously experience the total peace after death but I think just stopping all the worry, slog, pain and shit in life will be good enough.

Even if we could experience peacefulness consciously though, how long before that would become boring? So- is there any such thing as constant peace with consciousness? Not sure really. Maybe a life jam packed with fun, no responsibilities and no pain but, even then- with no contrast, how much would we appreciate it?

 

[F@#$]

I just want to die

 

[IllusionAndDelusion]

I underwent ketamine assisted therapy and I experienced a moment where I was separated from feelings and anxiety and all the nagging voices that pull me in a hundred directions. I wasn't scared, or ashamed or guilt burdened.

I was aware and I was nothing.

It was amazing.

I want that.

Here's hoping.

 

[Cauliflour]

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Peace and freedom even if there is nothing to experience.