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Tempstring

Tempstring

Mr
Jul 23, 2024
3
Iv possibly had the worst 5 days of my depression ever, but now feel on the mend.

Context: I have been feeling pretty well now for about a year with no major depressive episode.

Last week I went to the GP about a hearing issue was was given a steroid nasal spray.

I don't blame the GP as I never knew I was allergic to steroid sprays or that I would react like I did.

Within 12 hours of my first does I was angry and extremely frustrated. Then the rumination started up again.

Long story short. With in 48 hours of the first dose I had basically become mute, filled with rage, had lost all hope and was seriously considering suicide. I was told by my wife that I had totally change and she was so worried she had wondered if I needed sectioned. She was right. Had it continued she would have been right to section me.

I have 4 good bye letters currently drafted on my computer, an appointment to do my will next week and had already planned out my method having complete two "dry runs". I also found and joined this site explicity with the intent of find people to open up to but also for support in what I was doing.

In my state of dispare I stopped bothering with the meds and then after another two days off of them began to recover. Having stopped fully I am now back to normally. I looked up the side effects and in 5% of cases these are possible side effects.

I cannot belive how scary it was looking back. I don't want to kill myself and I have reasons to live. But in those days after taking the steroid spray, I was so close to doing something irreversible and if you had asked me at the time I would honestly said it's what I wanted. I think in other circumstance I would not be writing this message.

It's take a few days for me to process what happened.

Not sure what, if anything people will take from this but I needed somewhere to unload all this. Thanks for reading if you did.
 
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Reactions: Regen, BrainShower, Praestat_Mori and 1 other person
C

cherrylace

like a murmuring brook curving about you
Jul 5, 2024
22
for me journaling when I was really suicidal and writing down my thoughts like stream of consciousness i found to be surprising when reading it back after some time, to see what made me upset and where my thoughts went from there helped me understand a bit better how i got so upset and what can potentially make me feel worse in a situation
 

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