Wanting to ctb with someone

[moonshard]

Been thinking about CTB for a month now and I am so tired of being like this. I wish I had a friend who's also suicidal and wants to CTB so I could do it with them. I don't think I can do this anymore
also having to write a note just sucks I don't have the energy for that but I don't want my family and friends to be unable to get over it. I genuinely am at my breaking point now

I mean I've been at my breaking point for a long time. I remember visiting this forum in the past and then "got better". I know I can get better but why would I get better just to be suicidal again this is a fucking cycle. Why would I put myself through this suffering, if we all die one day, why can't I do it on my own terms?

My biggest concerns are my sisters and my best friend. I'm very close with them, they look up to me, and we share some hobbies. I'm worried that if I'm gone they will be sad, but they have each other, so I think it will be fine. My best friend is severely mentally ill and has attempted to take her life, she still struggles with suicidality but she wants to stay. I'm scared that if I'm gone she'd have less support.

I don't know, I feel like I should write a note for everyone. But I don't have the energy to
It feels unfair for them I guess, but I don't really care now.

 

[RiftbornVeil]

I'm pretty sure there's a megathread for this; you may find more success there. I wish you the best with whatever decision you choose to make. Sending virtual hugs

 

[moonshard]

I'm pretty sure there's a megathread for this; you may find more success there. I wish you the best with whatever decision you choose to make. Sending virtual hugs

Thanks ;v; I don't have a plan right now and it feels weird ctbing with complete strangers lol. I'll take a look at that thread

 

[RiftbornVeil]

Thanks ;v; I don't have a plan right now and it feels weird ctbing with complete strangers lol. I'll take a look at that thread

I understand. CTBing with someone else seems very intense, it is only logical you would want to do it with someone relatively closer to you.

As for making a plan, I believe there is a "Resources" megathread I recommend looking into if you haven't already. I found it helpful myself and am glad the community has come together to put forth such items to help us make the decision best fit for ourselves.

I hope you find what you are looking for, best of luck <3