Want to then don't want to

[wanttodie.nz]

Has anyone gone from wanting to ctb to not wanting to then back over and over again?

It was only a few days ago that I was so emotionally drained that I was ready but the weather was terrible for my method. Then I was not sure I want to and now I starting to again.

 

[Punished]

Only a million times a day. I get those intrusive thoughts, 'jump in front of that car' 'throw yourself down the stairs' 'you have time to take off your belt and hang yourself' there are days I get out of bed feeling fine, feeling normal, and a few days later I'm bursting in to tears and can't even manage to sit up to drink a glass of water.