Uncomfortable in a foreign country

[kosmischerunfall]

I'm ashamed walking down the street looking like me, ugly poc duckling

Being a nurse.. me? The 5'2 small "tall" woman that needs help with picking and transferring patients?

The one that wanted to suicide, but feels [in]capable to work with humans?

I thought my antisocial would go away after starting this apprenticeship, but nothing changed at all

I know most of all won't understand this

But my mind thinks in "how do i fit in", beieng different, is bad.

I'm different, and I feel lonely, I hate my mother for moving in into a white country, it's a curse.

I will be forever an Outsider.

My Boyfriend is Filipino, and i seem to notice that he can easily make friends and that makes me a bit jealous can't even lie.

He seems friendly, extroverted and non akward, totally opposite of me, i hate myself so much lmao.

 

[nemesis_]

i totally get it. i'm a bosnian living in austria. my family and i moved here almost a decade ago and i'm still not used to it. austrians aren't very fond of us "yugos". i've experienced xenophobia many times. i don't look very white, probably cause of turk admixture or something so they can immediately tell i'm not from here. i'd kill to be a blonde blue eyed girl just so i'd be fully accepted here and in the west in general.

i also have an insecurity around my height, except it's the other way around for me; i'm taller than the average woman here. us bosnians tend to be taller. i'm not a skyscraper or anything, i'm 5'6, but most girls here are shorter than that. being around them makes me feel like an ugly, masculine giant lol.