DerezzMyself143
Icon of Sin
- Apr 8, 2025
- 16
With pride month starting, I remembered how many people sacrificed themselves just for giving us the rights and dignity that every human being deserve. And with fascism rising from the ashes with their "LGBT people want to groom children" I feel sick.
Not just because they treat EVERY queer folk as subhuman and acuse them of something that serious. Rather... it's because I am both trans and suffer from a pedophilia disorder myself. Despite me being non-offending and completely against CSA and grooming, I feel guilty. Like a complete piece of shit and see myself as the vivid incarnation of all their stigma.
It makes me sad. Like there's no hope in this world for anyone that is different. People of color, immigrants, neurodivergent folks... even people like me who have to deal with these terrible thoughts and sexual desires. And I feel sad for the children too. They shouldn't have to suffer just for existing and it breaks my heart seeing people so young catching the bus because of all the bigotry.
But I don't blame them for taking that route. I blame society for being so hostile against everything non-normative. And I hate how hypocritical some of their loudest voices are: they pretend to care about kids but mock a minor trans person for ctb and some of them ARE abusers on secret. They talk about being christians and doing the work of God, yet their actions are the complete opposite of Jesus teachings. They say to preach love, but they only spit hate, violence, rape and murder.
How could I, a pedophile, be more empathetic than them is beyond me. And yet, I still hate myself for it. For something I knew I had since my childhood and didn't choose because I was born with it. Because all my life I was thought that we must be erradicated or at least isolated from society (which I did on myself for 5 fucking years out of fear). Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to live if this is the world that I was destined to inhabit.
Not just because they treat EVERY queer folk as subhuman and acuse them of something that serious. Rather... it's because I am both trans and suffer from a pedophilia disorder myself. Despite me being non-offending and completely against CSA and grooming, I feel guilty. Like a complete piece of shit and see myself as the vivid incarnation of all their stigma.
It makes me sad. Like there's no hope in this world for anyone that is different. People of color, immigrants, neurodivergent folks... even people like me who have to deal with these terrible thoughts and sexual desires. And I feel sad for the children too. They shouldn't have to suffer just for existing and it breaks my heart seeing people so young catching the bus because of all the bigotry.
But I don't blame them for taking that route. I blame society for being so hostile against everything non-normative. And I hate how hypocritical some of their loudest voices are: they pretend to care about kids but mock a minor trans person for ctb and some of them ARE abusers on secret. They talk about being christians and doing the work of God, yet their actions are the complete opposite of Jesus teachings. They say to preach love, but they only spit hate, violence, rape and murder.
How could I, a pedophile, be more empathetic than them is beyond me. And yet, I still hate myself for it. For something I knew I had since my childhood and didn't choose because I was born with it. Because all my life I was thought that we must be erradicated or at least isolated from society (which I did on myself for 5 fucking years out of fear). Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to live if this is the world that I was destined to inhabit.
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