Trying to move on

[Avyn]

I have been on this forum for quite a while now and honestly - I like it a lot here. I could talk about my feelings and desire to ctb without getting looked at weirdly and judged. I want to thank all of you for that. It has been an amazing experience for me.

My life has been rough since I can remember, my childhood was painful and full of abuse and right now it's not much better especially with all those mental illnesses I developed after everything that had happened.
I have met a lot of people on other platforms that have given me tons of advice and motivation to deal with my bad situation at home, and also with my mental health.
Countless of times I have tried to improve but I would fall back to the lazy depressed old me that wouldn't leave her bed after 2 days again.
I might not be the strongest, or strong at all but I want this time to be the last time because I want to succeed in getting better.
Currently I have stopped my study in college and I will start a new one that interests me more next semester. The entrance exam has about 240 pages I need to study for, and that's just one part of that exam. Ever since I was 16 my focus completely disappeared and it feels hard for me to just remember 2 sentences after studying them for hours, but I will try my best this time to make it work for my future.

Because I want to recover, I don't think it is healthy for me to stay here anymore. I won't disable and delete my account but I will be inactive, well if i don't decide to come back that is. I hope all of you will find their peace whether in this world or not, I really know how hard it is. We have to keep trying, and I don't want to give up yet despite my wish to die which I have had since I was 13 years old. I need to stay strong and positive and I know you guys can do it too!

Thank you for everything SS ♥

 

[FuneralCry]

This life can be very hard, I agree and there is a lot of suffering that we have to go through. This forum has been such a great place to come to. I wish you the best in your recovery.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm glad this community has made you feel better somehow.

Sometimes, it's okay to take a break. I hope you can feel even better!

I took a break some months ago but I've realized I'm less depressed when being here because there's literally nowhere else (without looking like a mentally ill person) in which I can talk about suicide, depression, my bipolar disorder, etc.

Wish you the best and who knows? We might see each other again.

Hugs and love,

Matt