Venting Trying but failing

[mangorose]

Why is everyone so mean? Colleagues look at me like I'm disgusting, no one seems to want to interact with me and I keep being asked why I'm so angry when if anything I'm sad and lonely. My (ex)girlfriend was a manipulative liar who cheated. Ever since middle school I've been bullied by practically everyone, I couldn't even reach puberty without an eating disorder and depression. In high school it got way worse to the point I tried to kill myself and left school. It doesn't matter whether it's classmates, in-laws or even strangers. It's like everyone agreed to despise me for what feels like no reason whatsoever. If anything I try to please people but I inevitably end up being ignored or yelled at. What even is the point of being alive? I've really been trying to recover but I can't think of a single person in my life who's genuinely nice to me and wants me around. Why am I always the one being left out and treated like shit? I just want to be normal and belong like everyone else seems to do :(

I barely even feel like a person anymore. I don't want to die, I want to feel better, but the longer I go on the less doable that feels. I've kept trying to put myself out there but every single time I get met by a metaphorical punch in the face.

It's like I'm giving off all these signals that indicate that it's fine to treat me like absolute shit but no one can actually tell me what it is that I'm not supposed to be doing

 

[enjoytheride]

Hello! I am sorry you are going through this. People can be cruel for no reason and without you doing anything wrong. Actually, sometimes the problem is exactly that - most seem to have very flexible internal moral boundaries and you being a truly kind person, that can piss them off seriously because it reveals, at least to them internally, that they are inconsistent. This is just a supposition.

I struggle with the same issue of people being ruthless once they understand you are not ruthless. This to them means they can attack you without serious or dangerous retaliation on your behalf. The way I am trying to deal with this is to finally understand that people are rarely the noble souls we imagine them to be. Most often they are driven by self-interest and see us as competitors/resources to be used. It is sad, but in the era of social media enabled narcisism, this has become quite widespread.

Being a people pleaser is a curse and I have been doing my best to get rid of it. One step in the right direction is only help others if they ask for it, and if they deserve it (applies mainly to coworkers and friends, not strangers in dire need or family acting in good faith towards you). It starts with thinking before answering a request. Then comes your "No, I can't." and not wavering. At first you feel guilty, then you realise there's nothing to feel guilty about. People will ask you to do things for them they CAN do themselves, but PREFER not to do. Stand your ground when they try to guilt trip you.

If you are so used to living for others that you don't know what to do alternatively, it's simple - use the time and effort freed up to learn and grow, and/or to do what you like doing as a hobby, or simply have some quality rest.

Then you feel liberated and start seeing yourself as a human being in your own right, deserving of compassion and care. Then it continues with you realising that it's alright to treat people in the same tone they treat you. If they treat you disrespectfully, it's alright to be assertive and to put them in their place, even if it may sound surprising and moderately aggressive, shocking for the people used to seeing you passively submit to their whims.

I don't agree with Dr. Peterson on some topics, but with this I agree:


Plato is said to have put it this way: "You change and everything changes.". Yep, as much as it sounds like a cliché, don't expect people around you to change unless you change first and start teaching them early on how you want and deserve to be treated. You are not a lesser human being than them.

 

[eupdplishlp]

normies are mean. I find that they often judge others when they jusdge thermselves. what they say is not a relefction on you but a reflection on their contaminated soul. You have been through a horrific time of suffering, I'm so sorry you've had to endue this. You are very good at writing and getting your point across, I commend you on your braverly to speak your mind freely. My pms are always open if you neeed

 

[soulchaser_]

I don't know if I can say this, but I relate to what you're feeling and experiencing so much. I've also been cheated on, even recently. And in my family I've even been called a parasite, constant yelling, constantly telling me what to do, but never being able to hear me.
I think that no matter what you can do for these people, they simply won't stop, ever, at least in my experience. Putting others down is something some people do in order to feel better about themselves, and that's just so cruel. In my family - they bolt in all angry, and simply let that out on me. I'm not saying this is exactly what is happening to you, but I think having an answer for the people in your life's behaviour might help you feel better about yourself mentally. Because all of this isn't on you - it's them.
I've once been to therapy. Just a few sessions. And she told me that, if you think of yourself as weak, or if you feel weak at home - everywhere you'll go, people will see it on you. And you'll be the unfortunate target, their way of feeling better about themselves.
What has been working for me is detaching mentally from what my family says about me, surrounding myself only with people who make me feel heard and seeking validation only from within. Because only you know who you truly are, or who you want to be. And don't be afraid to remove people from your life if they don't make you feel good - even without an explanation. This is about you. And your life is only about you. Not about them.
This world is so infinitely big. You just have to be in the right place to actually grow, around the right people. Let yourself look around - don't cut your life short without letting yourself seek a bit more.