Triggering myself to suicide...

[Rachel]

I want to commit suicide, even when I'm not in crisis mode. I've spent years wishing for my death. My desire and my decision to go is real. It's not a split-second, in the moment decision. Only problem is I feel way too "normal" right now. Crisis mode...now crisis mode is what gives me the drive to go through with suicide. It makes me not afraid and instead gives me the determination to finally stop the emotional pain.

I need my life to end

I want to go tomorrow night. Honesly I'm already a little afraid, and I even feel a little hesitation about completing the act. That has always been my problem. But I know I want to go. Living isn't quite for me...

I need to trigger myself. And one easy trigger for me is..uhh...umm..*ahem*...porn. It makes me feel horribly lonley and can send me down a very dark spiral if I allow it too. Maybe I'll write a list of reasons of why I don't belong in this world? Who knows! But yep thats the plan guys. Wish me luck!

Oh and I decided to tell my therapist I'm not gonna go to therapy anymore because I quit my job so I will no longer be able to afford therapy. It's both valid and true so I think thats the best way to go.

 

[Synthroz]

I hope you can achieve the peace you want.

 

[Rachel]

I want to commit suicide, even when I'm not in crisis mode. I've spent years wishing for my death. My desire and my decision to go is real. It's not a split-second, in the moment decision. Only problem is I feel way too "normal" right now. Crisis mode...now crisis mode is what gives me the drive to go through with suicide. It makes me not afraid and instead gives me the determination to finally stop the emotional pain.

I need my life to end

I want to go tomorrow night. Honesly I'm already a little afraid, and I even feel a little hesitation about completing the act. That has always been my problem. But I know I want to go. Living isn't quite for me...

I need to trigger myself. And one easy trigger for me is..uhh...umm..*ahem*...porn. It makes me feel horribly lonley and can send me down a very dark spiral if I allow it too. Maybe I'll write a list of reasons of why I don't belong in this world? Who knows! But yep thats the plan guys. Wish me luck!

Oh and I decided to tell my therapist I'm not gonna go to therapy anymore because I quit my job. It's both valid and true so I think thats the best way to go.

I hope you can achieve the peace you want.

Thanks, me too

 

[RevolutionaryRed]

Jesus christ you sound like me. Porn makes me terribly lonely too. I tried to kill myself 2 months ago, I need a new method . If I had a gun, I would kill myself tomorrow

 

[joydivision]

Porn and crystal meth...there's a dark spiral. I wouldnt wish that downward spiral on anyone.

 

[Death_From_Above]

I want to commit suicide, even when I'm not in crisis mode. I've spent years wishing for my death. My desire and my decision to go is real. It's not a split-second, in the moment decision. Only problem is I feel way too "normal" right now. Crisis mode...now crisis mode is what gives me the drive to go through with suicide. It makes me not afraid and instead gives me the determination to finally stop the emotional pain.

I need my life to end

I want to go tomorrow night. Honesly I'm already a little afraid, and I even feel a little hesitation about completing the act. That has always been my problem. But I know I want to go. Living isn't quite for me...

I need to trigger myself. And one easy trigger for me is..uhh...umm..*ahem*...porn. It makes me feel horribly lonley and can send me down a very dark spiral if I allow it too. Maybe I'll write a list of reasons of why I don't belong in this world? Who knows! But yep thats the plan guys. Wish me luck!

Oh and I decided to tell my therapist I'm not gonna go to therapy anymore because I quit my job so I will no longer be able to afford therapy. It's both valid and true so I think thats the best way to go.

I'm in a very similar place...

 

[throwaway123]

Not going to work. Sounds like you're not ready. Sorry.

 

[Smilla]

You don't sound ready at all.

 

[QueenEtna]

I'm glad I'm not the only one triggered by porn I always break down crying watching it lol

 

[Dark Soul]

I want to commit suicide, even when I'm not in crisis mode. I've spent years wishing for my death. My desire and my decision to go is real. It's not a split-second, in the moment decision. Only problem is I feel way too "normal" right now. Crisis mode...now crisis mode is what gives me the drive to go through with suicide. It makes me not afraid and instead gives me the determination to finally stop the emotional pain.

I need my life to end

I want to go tomorrow night. Honesly I'm already a little afraid, and I even feel a little hesitation about completing the act. That has always been my problem. But I know I want to go. Living isn't quite for me...

I need to trigger myself. And one easy trigger for me is..uhh...umm..*ahem*...porn. It makes me feel horribly lonley and can send me down a very dark spiral if I allow it too. Maybe I'll write a list of reasons of why I don't belong in this world? Who knows! But yep thats the plan guys. Wish me luck!

Oh and I decided to tell my therapist I'm not gonna go to therapy anymore because I quit my job so I will no longer be able to afford therapy. It's both valid and true so I think thats the best way to go.

Hi Rachel!
Can you reach you by private message? I find your compactor posting very interesting.
Best Wishes.

 

[Empty Smile]

I think someone was just looking for some porn to get a"head" in life?!?!

But that's just me....