134340
Student
- Aug 23, 2019
- 164
Hi all, I wasn't sure if I should actually post this in recovery because I'm not exactly recovering, per se, but this felt like a small win and left me with a spark of hope, so here I am.
Today is the 10th "anniversary" of the trauma that shattered my life into billions of pieces that I still haven't fully picked up. Despite the fact that today was the worst day of my life 10 years ago, today was remarkably normal. I know that may sound silly, but the leadup to today had me feeling like it'd be something earth shattering. It wasn't. It was really warm today. I slept in, finished painting my room, caught up on my favorite TV show. It was good. I felt almost free. There were a couple of heavy moments, but today was largely good. And for some reason, that gives me a little hope. Things don't always have to be bad. Things won't always be the way I expect them to be. Even though 10 years is a long time to be sick, I've experienced a lot of beautiful things too. And just remarkably normal days, which are something to celebrate too.
Most of all, I realized that I forgive myself. I was a kid. I forgive almost-twelve-year-old-me, and am allowing twenty-two year old me to take the reigns now.
I'm not sure if this makes any sense outside of my own head. I just wanted to share that today was a good day, even though it was an anniversary.
I hope you're all doing well
Today is the 10th "anniversary" of the trauma that shattered my life into billions of pieces that I still haven't fully picked up. Despite the fact that today was the worst day of my life 10 years ago, today was remarkably normal. I know that may sound silly, but the leadup to today had me feeling like it'd be something earth shattering. It wasn't. It was really warm today. I slept in, finished painting my room, caught up on my favorite TV show. It was good. I felt almost free. There were a couple of heavy moments, but today was largely good. And for some reason, that gives me a little hope. Things don't always have to be bad. Things won't always be the way I expect them to be. Even though 10 years is a long time to be sick, I've experienced a lot of beautiful things too. And just remarkably normal days, which are something to celebrate too.
Most of all, I realized that I forgive myself. I was a kid. I forgive almost-twelve-year-old-me, and am allowing twenty-two year old me to take the reigns now.
I'm not sure if this makes any sense outside of my own head. I just wanted to share that today was a good day, even though it was an anniversary.
I hope you're all doing well
