Story Transitioning gave me a sense of self and yet i still wanna die

[systemic_livestock]

I (mtf 19) just wanna put this out here because I kinda stuck on if sucide is right for me honestly, I think about it all the time but I'm honestly scared to die sometimes unlike how it used to be. After transitioning ive found myself making progress having actual friends, its given me an idea of self to me but I still have this overwhelming feeling of dread, unlike when I was younger sucide actually feels like the killing of myself. I remember growing up before transitioning feeling like I was born dead, I viewed myself in the 3rd person never cared about anything at all expect doing the bare minimum to not be sent into therapy when it cane to hygiene, school, talking to others and eating, i felt like i always wanted to die but i never knew why, i cried myself to sleep all the time because i wasn't born a girl all i did for most my life was isolate, play video games, masterbate and read a bit about history, i entered into a sucide pact but latter chickened out of fear of pain because i knew i didn't have the mental strength to go against my instincts and slit my wrists like the planned method.

This was my normal untill hs when I transitioned I got bullied out of my male friend group but I made new friends who supported me and ive actually started enjoying my hobbies i started to express myself to the world dispight not everyone being supportive or my parents viewing it as a phase and not letting me on hrt and i felt like i was watching myself rot away with my male puberty. After turning 18 went on hrt, i actual put in work for once for school and passed highschool (barely with a 1.95 gpa) and I don't hate the reflection in the mirror as much but I feel what if I dont pass ever, what if I go back to my old habits and don't do well enough in community college to transfer to a 4 year and get my masters in history. Even if everything goes right the world doesn't feel safe yet for people like me honestly, the world economy is in a decline and as history which is a humanities subject is there much of a place in the job market for my skills, I can't imagine myself studying anything else because history is the only subject I actually put any effort into learning. I wanna be successful, be a historian, a very attractive passing transwomen, get married to a man of my dreams but then again what for it if i end up as per my username just livestock to system making ends meet working 2-3 minimum wage jobs just to say afloat always facing discrimination for being trans, do men like trannies with mental baggage and self harm scars. Maby I'm over thinking things but I'm kinda worried what if I keep living this miserable life always thinking wish I had killed myself sooner. Or maby I will one day live a good life looking back at this time as just a dark period of my early life.

Maby I wasn't meant to be happy in this world, if I am to be reincarnated perhaps I'd be in a world safer for me to be myself. I weirdly feel really sad about other people CTB dispight I knowing it brings them the rest they deserve and yet when the topic is about myself I hold fear both that I'll regret killing myself or that its is the right path for me that I should do as soon as possible. I certainly feel i atlest enjoyed my friends in highschool so maby my life wasn't a waste.

 

[NutOrat]

Hi. I don't have much to contribute other than sympathy. You're very brave for being yourself, in a world that hasn't yet accepted to people like you. I'm hoping you get the love you deserve, and as the time goes on more and more people become accepting of trans folks. You should try to live the life you want, I think, and you'll always have the option later.

Also I really love your pfp! You mentioned you want to be a historian, how fitting) Love the mix of anime and byzantine mosaics <3

 

[systemic_livestock]

Hi. I don't have much to contribute other than sympathy. You're very brave for being yourself, in a world that hasn't yet accepted to people like you. I'm hoping you get the love you deserve, and as the time goes on more and more people become accepting of trans folks. You should try to live the life you want, I think, and you'll always have the option later.

Also I really love your pfp! You mentioned you want to be a historian, how fitting) Love the mix of anime and byzantine mosaics <3

Thankyou so much for responding, on the point of "more and more people becoming accepting of trans folks" i hope that is the case it is just the world is under alot of stress right now people tend to want to vote in more hardline authoritarian type people in times of stress, I wounder what that would mean for different minorities such as myself. Will we see if this tend reverses, I wounder how the world is goona look after bit, depending on how things go in the United States I might CTB or maby move to Canada if its safe, hopefully maby I'll give you guys a goodbye massage talking about my success in life and recovery.

thx my pfp is of the main character of milk inside a bag of milk 2 a Russian game in the anime artstyle, likewise the mosaic is of the emperor Justinian, funny enough my professor chewed me out for referring to Eastern Roman empire or the late imperal Rome as the Byzantines because "its a modern name the people at the time didn't use" lol :3, I dont personally think it matters. I wish you luck stranger ether on your recovery or painless and quick CTB.

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

I'm trans too and I felt exactly like you did at one point in my life. People were a lot nicer to me than they were to you and I'm very sorry about that, but I definitely know the feeling of not knowing about the future and not knowing if I would ever find love or succeed or pass. I would say that if you work hard in community college you can absolutely make it to graduate school and get a degree in history. I would also say that there are definitely men out there who will still like you regardless of your mental baggage and you being trans. They're quite rare though so good luck finding one.

In terms of passing, it's difficult. Passing in my experience mostly depends on two things, luck (physical appearance), and voice training. Only one of those things is really in your control so work hard on voice training and if you're lucky you should be able to pass no problem. The better your voice sounds the more likely you are to pass regardless of your appearance, though appearance still is a major factor. I really hope everything works out for you it's sad to see so many of my trans sisters on here struggling :(. If you ever want to talk feel free to dm me I'm always down to talk to more trans people on here :).

 

[systemic_livestock]

I'm trans too and I felt exactly like you did at one point in my life. People were a lot nicer to me than they were to you and I'm very sorry about that, but I definitely know the feeling of not knowing about the future and not knowing if I would ever find love or succeed or pass. I would say that if you work hard in community college you can absolutely make it to graduate school and get a degree in history. I would also say that there are definitely men out there who will still like you regardless of your mental baggage and you being trans. They're quite rare though so good luck finding one.

In terms of passing, it's difficult. Passing in my experience mostly depends on two things, luck (physical appearance), and voice training. Only one of those things is really in your control so work hard on voice training and if you're lucky you should be able to pass no problem. The better your voice sounds the more likely you are to pass regardless of your appearance, though appearance still is a major factor. I really hope everything works out for you it's sad to see so many of my trans sisters on here struggling :(. If you ever want to talk feel free to dm me I'm always down to talk to more trans people on here :).

Thankyou, I think what you mentioned is completely correct and I'm find men do wanna have sex/date me but its never a real relationship that lasts past a month, its mostly about this fantasy of theirs or a fedish to date a transwomen especially one as depressed as me its never a long lasting real relationship. I hope to fix things definitely on this front and find someone who loves me for me.

On the point about voice training I feel ive got it down its just very occasionally I'll mess up idk if only in my head or not though. A non mention thing that helps is learning more feminine behavior or how to think more like like ones perceived gender i feel dispight my male dominanted interests in Star Wars, milltary history or nerd culture I pass on that front if be a weird nerdy women (You don't wanna overdo it anyways most women aren't all as hyperfemine as some might think). really just the appearance that fucks me idk, if its only because ive only been on hrt for a bit over a year but dispight the feminine features I acquired from being a wasian I still have a boxy face to the point people irl call me she probably because of the voice but when asking on /pasgen/ 4chan its always your androgynous, I see that alot when I ask my more blunt friend she always tells me I look androgynous too which probably makes me easy to clock as trans if one were to put in the effort. It could definitely be worse though but it stresses me out sometimes. Its a shame so many of our sisters are going through this and are on the website, I like imagine we all get reincarnated in the fully womens bodies we see ourselves as. I wish to see that my situation changes a bit more for a better and same goes for you for whatever reason you find yourself on this site if not I wish our deaths painless and quick. <3

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I (mtf 19) just wanna put this out here because I kinda stuck on if sucide is right for me honestly, I think about it all the time but I'm honestly scared to die sometimes unlike how it used to be. After transitioning ive found myself making progress having actual friends, its given me an idea of self to me but I still have this overwhelming feeling of dread, unlike when I was younger sucide actually feels like the killing of myself. I remember growing up before transitioning feeling like I was born dead, I viewed myself in the 3rd person never cared about anything at all expect doing the bare minimum to not be sent into therapy when it cane to hygiene, school, talking to others and eating, i felt like i always wanted to die but i never knew why, i cried myself to sleep all the time because i wasn't born a girl all i did for most my life was isolate, play video games, masterbate and read a bit about history, i entered into a sucide pact but latter chickened out of fear of pain because i knew i didn't have the mental strength to go against my instincts and slit my wrists like the planned method.

This was my normal untill hs when I transitioned I got bullied out of my male friend group but I made new friends who supported me and ive actually started enjoying my hobbies i started to express myself to the world dispight not everyone being supportive or my parents viewing it as a phase and not letting me on hrt and i felt like i was watching myself rot away with my male puberty. After turning 18 went on hrt, i actual put in work for once for school and passed highschool (barely with a 1.95 gpa) and I don't hate the reflection in the mirror as much but I feel what if I dont pass ever, what if I go back to my old habits and don't do well enough in community college to transfer to a 4 year and get my masters in history. Even if everything goes right the world doesn't feel safe yet for people like me honestly, the world economic is in a decline and as history which is a humanities subject is there much of a place in the job market for my skills, I can't imagine myself studying anything else because history is the only subject I actually put any effort into learning. I wanna be successful, be a historian, a very attractive passing transwomen, get married to a man of my dreams but then again what for it i end up a per my username just livestock to system making ends meet working 2-3 minimum wage jobs just to say afloat always facing discrimination for being trans, do men like trannies with mental baggage and self harm scars. Maby I'm over thinking things but I'm kinda worried what if I keep living this miserable life always thinking wish I had killed myself sooner. Or maby I will one day live a good life looking back at this time as just a dark period of my early life.

Maby I wasn't meant to be happy in this world, if I am to be reincarnated perhaps I'd be in a world safer for me to be myself. I weirdly feel really sad about other people CTB dispight I knowing it brings them the rest they deserve and yet when the topic is about myself I hold fear both that I'll regret killing myself or that its is the right path for me that I should do as soon as possible. I certainly feel i atlest enjoyed my friends in highschool so maby my life wasn't a waste.

Respectfully I'm someone who suffers with gender dysphoria but having heard a lot of detransition stories and doing my own research I've concluded that transitioning isn't going to ever resolve how I feel in my body. Regardless of what you choose to do with your body, I did find the source of a lot of myself hatred was I tried to validate with people who frankly wouldn't help me if I was drowning.
I hope you find self-worth in who you are, and should you ctb I only hope you do so with peace of mind and rest.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

I'm sorry that society has treated you so harshly. I was treated like shit too, hoped I was the only one, every day I get reminded that it's not the case. I can only offer sympathies as someone who is also MTF. I am aro ace so the only reason I'm transitioning is for myself, when it comes to relationships, I'm not so sure, young men suck hard when it comes to them, as I know by my aquaintances, they are not good people, most of them at least, but neither are older men who will groom you and tell you what you want to hear.

I'm sorry. Also please do not call yourself a tr***ie and stop going to 4chan where it's full of men that have developed a cum crust on their underwear, men that have nothing better to do than troll and dwell. Believe me when I say that most of the internet is full of actors and people who psy-op/astro turf either for money or for fun (both are sick). You can find people who you connect with, I'm sure, you are in the US, there must be someone, if not, maybe over the internet?

Validation from the average men or women you will find that it means nothing. I want to give this advice and I want you to try and heed it or at least understand it, I have seen countless men call women "ran through" or "unfixable", you are NOT an object, if you have made a mistake in the past or did something that you yourself would consider a mistake but others wouldn't (if you consider it a mistake, it is a mistake, if you don't, it isn't, period); that does not mean that you are that specific mistake.

Having a "baggage" is a normal thing when living in a SICK, SICK society, do you understand me? These men that would call you out for your "baggage" or self harm scars are a scar and a baggage in it of themselves, they are a walking one, a true one, that will NEVER change because they don't want to change their ways, they point and laugh at others when they themselves are the entire laughing stock, and it wouldn't be bad in it of itself, they can grow, but they REFUSE to do so.

So don't sweat it about that, okay? It took me 15 years online to find a community that can understand me, even if just a little bit. It will also take some time in your case, especially given how most young people are these days, I was just one too.

 

[systemic_livestock]

Respectfully I'm someone who suffers with gender dysphoria but having heard a lot of detransition stories and doing my own research I've concluded that transitioning isn't going to ever resolve how I feel in my body. Regardless of what you choose to do with your body, I did find the source of a lot of myself hatred was I tried to validate with people who frankly wouldn't help me if I was drowning.
I hope you find self-worth in who you are, and should you ctb I only hope you do so with peace of mind and rest.

Are you sure about that? If you suffer from gender dysphoria medically transitioning is created to fix your body full stop or maby your an enby so you see yourself as nether? i understand if scared about transitioning soically but you can do "women/man-moding" where you present as your assignment gender while medically transitioning. If you an enby that makes total sense, can i ask why do you not feel like hrt will help you? Can I also ask why do you only list detransitoners surely to see the truth you'd wanna see both sides as somone on hrt it's kept me alive so far by lessening the effect of my gender dysphoria.

I'm sorry that society has treated you so harshly. I was treated like shit too, hoped I was the only one, every day I get reminded that it's not the case. I can only offer sympathies as someone who is also MTF. I am aro ace so the only reason I'm transitioning is for myself, when it comes to relationships, I'm not so sure, young men suck hard when it comes to them, as I know by my aquaintances, they are not good people, most of them at least, but neither are older men who will groom you and tell you what you want to hear.

I'm sorry. Also please do not call yourself a tr***ie and stop going to 4chan where it's full of men that have developed a cum crust on their underwear, men that have nothing better to do than troll and dwell. Believe me when I say that most of the internet is full of actors and people who psy-op/astro turf either for money or for fun (both are sick). You can find people who you connect with, I'm sure, you are in the US, there must be someone, if not, maybe over the internet?

Validation from the average men or women you will find that it means nothing. I want to give this advice and I want you to try and heed it or at least understand it, I have seen countless men call women "ran through" or "unfixable", you are NOT an object, if you have made a mistake in the past or did something that you yourself would consider a mistake but others wouldn't (if you consider it a mistake, it is a mistake, if you don't, it isn't, period); that does not mean that you are that specific mistake.

Having a "baggage" is a normal thing when living in a SICK, SICK society, do you understand me? These men that would call you out for your "baggage" or self harm scars are a scar and a baggage in it of themselves, they are a walking one, a true one, that will NEVER change because they don't want to change their ways, they point and laugh at others when they themselves are the entire laughing stock, and it wouldn't be bad in it of itself, they can grow, but they REFUSE to do so.

So don't sweat it about that, okay? It took me 15 years online to find a community that can understand me, even if just a little bit. It will also take some time in your case, especially given how most young people are these days, I was just one too.

Thankyou for the your input and your sympathy. Its such as shame there are so many of us on here. I'd like to mention though I understand 4chan is definitely can be brainworm fuel especially with all the incels but I like using 4chan in moderation because its a good place to tell stories or do shitposts but there is alot of negative things you can say about alot of the userbase. also /pasgen/ is about mostly transwomen and some transmen posting themselves and raiting eachothers passablity, usally people are very nice but also very honest. I trust there advice because it backs up my friend told me but its evendent people are confused about my gender untill I start speaking, granted it do dress andro but that just because I lack a feminine form to really show off yk depending on how hrt effects me I might start dressing more feminine assuming ofc if I live long enough due to things looking up. I am very into dating men ofc its a common thing said but many men are bad people who will abuse you but not all men are like that. With the term tr*nny I honestly dont seem much shame in it granted its considered as porn related slur that a has certain level of shock value but I think its useful in this context as well as a useful term for playful self-depreciation among close friends. Granted everyones different and your opinion is very much valid. As ive wished with the others good luck on life whether you find yourself recovering or ending it.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Thankyou for the your input and your sympathy. Its such as shame there are so many of us on here. I'd like to mention though I understand 4chan is definitely can be brainworm fuel especially with all the incels but I like using 4chan in moderation because its a good place to tell stories or do shitposts but there is alot of negative things you can say about alot of the userbase. also /pasgen/ is about mostly transwomen and some transmen posting themselves and raiting eachothers passablity, usally people are very nice but also very honest. I trust there advice because it backs up my friend told me but its evendent people are confused about my gender untill I start speaking, granted it do dress andro but that just because I lack a feminine form to really show off yk depending on how hrt effects me I might start dressing more feminine assuming ofc if I live long enough due to things looking up. I am very into dating men ofc its a common thing said but many men are bad people who will abuse you but not all men are like that. With the term tr*nny I honestly dont seem much shame in it granted its considered as porn related slur that a has certain level of shock value but I think its useful in this context as well as a useful term for playful self-depreciation among close friends. Granted everyones different and your opinion is very much valid. As ive wished with the others good luck on life whether you find yourself recovering or ending it.

I see. Well, personally I don't need something like what you're describing /pasgen/ because I have pasgen in real life but instead of getting honest advice from transmen and transwomen who would not wish me harm, I risk getting assaulted while I have my back turned at people (because they are hateful cowards). I live in eastern europe, lol. Even getting HRT will be hard for me. A lot of people here if they could, would straight up kill anyone in LGBTQ+, they don't say it online or even in real life but when you present as a man for your whole life, you are sort of an informer/impostor, you can hear MANY many things that women or LGBTQ+ people can't.

 

[systemic_livestock]

I see. Well, personally I don't need something like what you're describing /pasgen/ because I have pasgen in real life but instead of getting honest advice from transmen and transwomen who would not wish me harm, I risk getting assaulted while I have my back turned at people (because they are hateful cowards). I live in eastern europe, lol. Even getting HRT will be hard for me. A lot of people here if they could, would straight up kill anyone in LGBTQ+, they don't say it online or even in real life but when you present as a man for your whole life, you are sort of an informer/impostor, you can hear MANY many things that women or LGBTQ+ people can't.

/pasgen/ as in it is a part of /lgbt/ section of 4chan. I'm sorry your queer and in eastern Europe that sounds very rough and hard but i hope you can find peace somhow one way of another, also I'm well aware of the part about "when you present as a man" part i lived as male up till hs i was an incel in middle school because I was jealous of women (forgot to add that part to the original post) but ive unlearned this harmful behaviors simply because I was at the receiving end of alot of them as well as simply growing as a person. I'm really sorry again you have to go through that and wish you the best at finding your peace at ether recovery or CTB.

 

[DeeDog]

(I knew I recognised the bagged-milk-girl lol, but anyway-)

I don't want this to come off as insulting or minimising, but it really sounds like you turned ur life around. I have gender dysphoria (with no real intention of transitioning mind you) so I have an idea of how daunting that can be. I'm not an expert on passing, but I'm p sure that starting HRT at 18 is acc pretty great, a lot of masc features won't have become super obvious yet. I do think it lowk takes quite a while for meaningful changes though, so just be patient. And the college thing is also super cool, I'm bri'ish so I don't know what GPAs are good and bad, but a masters in history at college sounds cool, especially if you weren't on track to begin with.

I understand you being worried though, im 19 too. It's like the adults of yesteryear fucked up the world as soon as it's our turn to be adults lol. Also, don't worry about baggage or your scars. Everyone has "baggage" and any decent guy that cares about you won't give a shit that you have scars, he'll give a shit that u wanna hurt yourself, if that makes sense.

You've lowk done the hard part, just gotta be patient, with ur transition as well as ur love life lol. Good luck at college!

 

[systemic_livestock]

(I knew I recognised the bagged-milk-girl lol, but anyway-)

I don't want this to come off as insulting or minimising, but it really sounds like you turned ur life around. I have gender dysphoria (with no real intention of transitioning mind you) so I have an idea of how daunting that can be. I'm not an expert on passing, but I'm p sure that starting HRT at 18 is acc pretty great, a lot of masc features won't have become super obvious yet. I do think it lowk takes quite a while for meaningful changes though, so just be patient. And the college thing is also super cool, I'm bri'ish so I don't know what GPAs are good and bad, but a masters in history at college sounds cool, especially if you weren't on track to begin with.

I understand you being worried though, im 19 too. It's like the adults of yesteryear fucked up the world as soon as it's our turn to be adults lol. Also, don't worry about baggage or your scars. Everyone has "baggage" and any decent guy that cares about you won't give a shit that you have scars, he'll give a shit that u wanna hurt yourself, if that makes sense.

You've lowk done the hard part, just gotta be patient, with ur transition as well as ur love life lol. Good luck at college!

Honestly I really hope you're right about turning my life around its just I'm so afraid of not doing well in community college I feel like I have only one chance at fixing my poor academic career I'm already behind my pears, certainly I've worked so hard to get where I am and yet I am still behind my pears who got into traditional 4 years universities and I frankly have never been good at school a gpa of 1.95 is really bad but passing (65% average in my classes) getting a history job that actually pays a liveable wage nowdays is very competitive as per the want to get the very hard to get masters so I'm really just sucidal about the idea of not succeeding in academics which I've been know to do. You might be right about transition stresses though its just my past experiences with being trans is a major reason I was sucidal much my life i have masculine features such as my jawline that I'm insecure about that hopefully be lessened with hrt. I'm also stressed about my lack of friends or dating I feel like is really tied to passing. Only time will tell if my fears are founded or not.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Are you sure about that? If you suffer from gender dysphoria medically transitioning is created to fix your body full stop or maby your an enby so you see yourself as nether? i understand if scared about transitioning soically but you can do "women/man-moding" where you present as your assignment gender while medically transitioning. If you an enby that makes total sense, can i ask why do you not feel like hrt will help you? Can I also ask why do you only list detransitoners surely to see the truth you'd wanna see both sides as somone on hrt it's kept me alive so far by lessening the effect of my gender dysphoria.

Thankyou for the your input and your sympathy. Its such as shame there are so many of us on here. I'd like to mention though I understand 4chan is definitely can be brainworm fuel especially with all the incels but I like using 4chan in moderation because its a good place to tell stories or do shitposts but there is alot of negative things you can say about alot of the userbase. also /pasgen/ is about mostly transwomen and some transmen posting themselves and raiting eachothers passablity, usally people are very nice but also very honest. I trust there advice because it backs up my friend told me but its evendent people are confused about my gender untill I start speaking, granted it do dress andro but that just because I lack a feminine form to really show off yk depending on how hrt effects me I might start dressing more feminine assuming ofc if I live long enough due to things looking up. I am very into dating men ofc its a common thing said but many men are bad people who will abuse you but not all men are like that. With the term tr*nny I honestly dont seem much shame in it granted its considered as porn related slur that a has certain level of shock value but I think its useful in this context as well as a useful term for playful self-depreciation among close friends. Granted everyones different and your opinion is very much valid. As ive wished with the others good luck on life whether you find yourself recovering or ending it.

It doesn't help to transition because society will never perceive you the way you want them to perceive you. You're creating another set of problems in which you're attempting to start from zero, but so many people know just by looking at you that you used to be a male. Without the social validation and always knowing in the back of your mind that you are not naturally the gender you want to be it's always going to have you at odds. I did a test where I pretended to be someone else with a whole new backstory for a year with different likes and dislikes and hung out with drag queens and went to the shows and really, I think people perceiving it as a solution versus a lifestyle choice. You can choose to be a trans woman or a trans man, but you cannot expect one single person to ever see you as your preferred gender. I'm not trying to upset anyone here. All I'm saying is for me it does not work and it only causes me to feel like I'm not enough and it doesn't relieve any stress. I feel like it just makes me romanticize this ideal self that isn't obtainable with the frame I'm born in. And I think that's the hardest thing to accept is that we will never be quote unquote beautiful at least that's the conclusion I came to.

A drastic anesthetic change that drastically changes the way your body works but doesn't change the way people perceive you doesn't make any sense to me when actually talking with people who've been through it. A lot of people regret it and I've lost two friends to suicide because it was not the solution for them.

 

[systemic_livestock]

It doesn't help to transition because society will never perceive you the way you want them to perceive you. You're creating another set of problems in which you're attempting to start from zero, but so many people know just by looking at you that you used to be a male. Without the social validation and always knowing in the back of your mind that you are not naturally the gender you want to be it's always going to have you at odds. I did a test where I pretended to be someone else with a whole new backstory for a year with different likes and dislikes and hung out with drag queens and went to the shows and really, I think people perceiving it as a solution versus a lifestyle choice. You can choose to be a trans woman or a trans man, but you cannot expect one single person to ever see you as your preferred gender. I'm not trying to upset anyone here. All I'm saying is for me it does not work and it only causes me to feel like I'm not enough and it doesn't relieve any stress. I feel like it just makes me romanticize this ideal self that isn't obtainable with the frame I'm born in. And I think that's the hardest thing to accept is that we will never be quote unquote beautiful at least that's the conclusion I came to.

A drastic anesthetic change that drastically changes the way your body works but doesn't change the way people perceive you doesn't make any sense to me when actually talking with people who've been through it. A lot of people regret it and I've lost two friends to suicide because it was not the solution for them.

"It doesn't help to transition because society will never perceive you the way you want them to perceive you. " certainly of note is this is a common experience of people who simply do not pass or people are aware you a trans from the get go and for whatever reason dont feel trans people are valid

Thing is to people, if it quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, behaves and describes itself as a duck then fundamentally to most people it is a duck.

Your idea of transgender people is fundamentally flawed for one because you think all trans people dont pass or if you don't pass that isn't something that can be changed "but so many people know just by looking at you that you used to be a male." It is true that within the start of your transiton you are most definitely not going to pass, it's to be expected but after a few years on hrt your body will change to fit your gender identity. Even then if you dont pass there are many surgeries one can partake in that will help you pass.


"I pretended to be someone else with a whole new backstory for a year with different likes and dislikes and hung out with drag queens and went to the shows'
This one made me laugh so much LMAO, ofc your not gonna pass what did you expect for one you only were living as your perceived gender for a year and likely didn't take hrt thats not enough time, its like watching a child go to school for year and being surprised they can't read and wirte as well as Shakespeare. As well as that everyone kinda knows drag queens aren't actually women or usally trans its a subject popular with gay men without gender dysphoria.

I'd like to round out my message by saying don't become like John 50, certainly speaking if you are young there is still time for you to pass once you are on hrt for a bit. I'd also like to ask you who here do you think is a trans women or cis women? (Without reverse image searching ofc)

Ps even if you dont pass if you live in a progressive area people will still treat you like a women

 

[acidjar]

19 mtf here too. normally a lurker but this post rlly struck with me, so i had to say something. its like they make us in a lab. our experiences are basically one for one each others. when i was younger i'd go through the motions of life without really feeling there in the moment, just sorta dissociating. i was a husk of a person. going to school when i had to, then playing video games when i got home, or reading or masturbating or doing literally anything so i could forget the tranny thoughts. when i had breaks from school i would go weeks or months without showering or leaving my room or doing anything. that was not a life worth living. i always passively wanted to stop existing when i was younger but i never thought about going through with that final step to actually commit to doing it. i guess it was because i thought the reason i wanted to die was being unable to transition. so if i was able to transition i would stop feeling all sorts of discomfort and finally be at peace and content with myself. and i mean, now that i have been transitioning, i do feel a lot better. i can girlmode and people see me as a girl and its normal. i never thought it could be possible. it makes me cry. although, i'm still mentally ill… sometimes now i post my unsee nudes on tttt and the (you)s boost my ego so much. sometimes i sext guys from there for a couple days cuz it feels so so so good to feel wanted. but that's really all there is to it. transitioning didn't rlly solve the core issue. that being why should i even want to live? living sucks absolute shit. it's all pain and suffering and more pain. it seems like such an easy choice.

and yet. and yet it's so hard. i'd finally get to rest. no more struggling through a life that doesn't want me here. but why is it so hard for me to do actually do it? it's so insanely scary. i mean, never experiencing anything ever again? what a hard pill to swallow. what a contradiction, wanting to die but being afraid of death. i think about the SN i have and i shake and cry because im so close to everything finally ending but god it's scary. i gag and vomit thinking about the taste. that's the final taste i'll ever experience ever. not to mention traumatizing all my family, my friends. unlike me, they will all amount to something in their lives, what if this makes them grieve and fucks up their grades or their futures? i can't have that on my conscious. it'd be so easy to just ignore everything and kill myself so i wouldn't have to worry about anything. but i can't. maybe i'll wait till this upcoming winter break to do it? idk

im in community college too btw. studying horticulture. the people in this thread kinda consoled you about the topic but i can at least say you're not alone. same worries about the future. i absolutely hate myself for being a failure. at least compared to my siblings and peers. but if all goes to plan i'll have a successful attempt before i have to worry about anything.

sorry for rambling. idk if any of this helps.

 

[systemic_livestock]

19 mtf here too. normally a lurker but this post rlly struck with me, so i had to say something. its like they make us in a lab. our experiences are basically one for one each others. when i was younger i'd go through the motions of life without really feeling there in the moment, just sorta dissociating. i was a husk of a person. going to school when i had to, then playing video games when i got home, or reading or masturbating or doing literally anything so i could forget the tranny thoughts. when i had breaks from school i would go weeks or months without showering or leaving my room or doing anything. that was not a life worth living. i always passively wanted to stop existing when i was younger but i never thought about going through with that final step to actually commit to doing it. i guess it was because i thought the reason i wanted to die was being unable to transition. so if i was able to transition i would stop feeling all sorts of discomfort and finally be at peace and content with myself. and i mean, now that i have been transitioning, i do feel a lot better. i can girlmode and people see me as a girl and its normal. i never thought it could be possible. it makes me cry. although, i'm still mentally ill… sometimes now i post my unsee nudes on tttt and the (you)s boost my ego so much. sometimes i sext guys from there for a couple days cuz it feels so so so good to feel wanted. but that's really all there is to it. transitioning didn't rlly solve the core issue. that being why should i even want to live? living sucks absolute shit. it's all pain and suffering and more pain. it seems like such an easy choice.

and yet. and yet it's so hard. i'd finally get to rest. no more struggling through a life that doesn't want me here. but why is it so hard for me to do actually do it? it's so insanely scary. i mean, never experiencing anything ever again? what a hard pill to swallow. what a contradiction, wanting to die but being afraid of death. i think about the SN i have and i shake and cry because im so close to everything finally ending but god it's scary. i gag and vomit thinking about the taste. that's the final taste i'll ever experience ever. not to mention traumatizing all my family, my friends. unlike me, they will all amount to something in their lives, what if this makes them grieve and fucks up their grades or their futures? i can't have that on my conscious. it'd be so easy to just ignore everything and kill myself so i wouldn't have to worry about anything. but i can't. maybe i'll wait till this upcoming winter break to do it? idk

im in community college too btw. studying horticulture. the people in this thread kinda consoled you about the topic but i can at least say you're not alone. same worries about the future. i absolutely hate myself for being a failure. at least compared to my siblings and peers. but if all goes to plan i'll have a successful attempt before i have to worry about anything.

sorry for rambling. idk if any of this helps.

Holy shit, we really are basically the same person, your so right about the lab thing. I really relate to getting validation on 4chan thing certainly though you've probably heard this before many times but being so obsessed with validation to the point you would post your nudes isn't healthy, then again i cant fault you to feel any positive reaction or attention is addicting when you've been isolated for so long and especially when its validing you as a women yk.

You've likely read the comment posted by Deedog but i feel their advice helped me alot and can certainly apply to you in a sense. We are both seem to be on the right track in the long scheme assuming we do well in community even if you are a repper at the moment (we are young enough where we shouldn't have too many major masculine traits), certainly we definitely have issues though.

I think if your not already on hrt yet you should definitely go on it doesn't matter if your out or not be a boymoder or whatever. Just do whatever to make yourself feel like your moving forward in your transition. I know this is a pro-choice sucide site but honestly I'm telling you dont kill yourself yet, things might work out, I personally the more I think about it dispight my cutting and my other self destructive behaviors we are both young at 19 lets both work forward in life because frankly we have very much a path we can go down to be happy and if not whats the harm in waiting a few more years on this earth to kill ourselves.

What I'm trying to say is at the moment as much as death speak to me, as much as I wanna jump off every high building I come across or feel like wanting to spread by brains across the ceiling with every gun I find there is a chance for both of us to leave this all behind us, even if we fail cant our deaths wait?

Ps please pm me under conversations, we should totally be friends >_<

Holy shit, we really are basically the same person, your so right about the lab thing. I really relate to getting validation on 4chan thing certainly though you've probably heard this before many times but being so obsessed with validation to the point you would post your nudes isn't healthy, then again i cant fault you to feel any positive reaction or attention is addicting when you've been isolated for so long and especially when its validing you as a women yk.

You've likely read the comment posted by Deedog but i feel their advice helped me alot and can certainly apply to you in a sense. We are both seem to be on the right track in the long scheme assuming we do well in community even if you are a repper at the moment (we are young enough where we shouldn't have too many major masculine traits), certainly we definitely have issues though.

I think if your not already on hrt yet you should definitely go on it doesn't matter if your out or not be a boymoder or whatever. Just do whatever to make yourself feel like your moving forward in your transition. I know this is a pro-choice sucide site but honestly I'm telling you dont kill yourself yet, things might work out, I personally the more I think about it dispight my cutting and my other self destructive behaviors we are both young at 19 lets both work forward in life because frankly we have very much a path we can go down to be happy and if not whats the harm in waiting a few more years on this earth to kill ourselves.

What I'm trying to say is at the moment as much as death speak to me, as much as I wanna jump off every high building I come across or feel like wanting to spread by brains across the ceiling with every gun I find there is a chance for both of us to leave this all behind us, even if we fail cant our deaths wait?

Ps please pm me under conversations, we should totally be friends >_<

Note after re-reading I realized i misread your comment, I didn't realized you actually transitioned, that's amazing btw good for you

 

[acidjar]

Holy shit, we really are basically the same person, your so right about the lab thing. I really relate to getting validation on 4chan thing certainly though you've probably heard this before many times but being so obsessed with validation to the point you would post your nudes isn't healthy, then again i cant fault you to feel any positive reaction or attention is addicting when you've been isolated for so long and especially when its validing you as a women yk.

You've likely read the comment posted by Deedog but i feel their advice helped me alot and can certainly apply to you in a sense. We are both seem to be on the right track in the long scheme assuming we do well in community even if you are a repper at the moment (we are young enough where we shouldn't have too many major masculine traits), certainly we definitely have issues though.

I think if your not already on hrt yet you should definitely go on it doesn't matter if your out or not be a boymoder or whatever. Just do whatever to make yourself feel like your moving forward in your transition. I know this is a pro-choice sucide site but honestly I'm telling you dont kill yourself yet, things might work out, I personally the more I think about it dispight my cutting and my other self destructive behaviors we are both young at 19 lets both work forward in life because frankly we have very much a path we can go down to be happy and if not whats the harm in waiting a few more years on this earth to kill ourselves.

What I'm trying to say is at the moment as much as death speak to me, as much as I wanna jump off every high building I come across or feel like wanting to spread by brains across the ceiling with every gun I find there is a chance for both of us to leave this all behind us, even if we fail cant our deaths wait?

Ps please pm me under conversations, we should totally be friends >_<

i've heard all sorts of things about the validation thing. but honestly i agree with you. it's really out of character for me tbh. i have bipolar 2 disorder you see, and i think a lot of the times ive done that it was because of hypersexuality from hypomanias. i certainly don't have an urge to post anything to the board now. although i don't really regret anything ive done. idk. honestly i just don't really care what i do because in the back of my mind i always have an escape. so that kinda fuels my self destructive actions.

my being bipolar is another reason for wanting to die but i don't know if you wanna hear me complain about how it ruins my life.

i've been on hrt since i was 16 so not a repper. i wasn't lying when i was saying transitioning and girlmoding makes me feel normal. it feels right and good and i can forget about my worries cuz i don't feel like an ugly monster. although ive been doing this for a while, ive been on the right track, ive tried to make things work out and it just doesnt change the fact i want to die. i'm sorry i'm not sure what else to say about it. i mean, i can hope i will be happy in the future but why bother when im miserable on the day to day. when every minute i'm continuing this mess of a life feels terrible. i really am so glad you see a way out of this. but im a weak person. i don't like painful things.

i havent posted enough on this site to unlock pm's lol. but im happy to talk to you on discord? name is floaster

 

[systemic_livestock]

i've heard all sorts of things about the validation thing. but honestly i agree with you. it's really out of character for me tbh. i have bipolar 2 disorder you see, and i think a lot of the times ive done that it was because of hypersexuality from hypomanias. i certainly don't have an urge to post anything to the board now. although i don't really regret anything ive done. idk. honestly i just don't really care what i do because in the back of my mind i always have an escape. so that kinda fuels my self destructive actions.

my being bipolar is another reason for wanting to die but i don't know if you wanna hear me complain about how it ruins my life.

i've been on hrt since i was 16 so not a repper. i wasn't lying when i was saying transitioning and girlmoding makes me feel normal. it feels right and good and i can forget about my worries cuz i don't feel like an ugly monster. although ive been doing this for a while, ive been on the right track, ive tried to make things work out and it just doesnt change the fact i want to die. i'm sorry i'm not sure what else to say about it. i mean, i can hope i will be happy in the future but why bother when im miserable on the day to day. when every minute i'm continuing this mess of a life feels terrible. i really am so glad you see a way out of this. but im a weak person. i don't like painful things.

i havent posted enough on this site to unlock pm's lol. but im happy to talk to you on discord? name is floaster

My bad for calling you a repper, but wow I wished I was on at 16 compared to me at 18 if anything ive been more of a repper. I haven't been diagnosed with being bipolar there is a possibility of me being so simply because I haven't really talked to a doctor at all about my issues like at all (I'm traumatized from when zoloft made things worse and my parents forced me to keep taking it), the hypersexaulity thing is very real too luckily I meet a guy at my college who wants to have sex with me and doesn't mind the scars (it's definitely not a real relationship though) I really am a weak person too I really do hope both of us can get though this and if not pass peacefully. Hang in there i believe in you.

Btw look for a Hazelover in your discord :3

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I told you my experience and your discrediting it because it's conflicting with your fantasy. Reality is there are dozens of people who have been on HRT for many years and have not become this ideal self that they imagine they would be. One thing that doesn't change is your voice despite common misbelief. Transitioning will not fix your psychological problems and your desire not to be alive isn't based on your frame alone. It will not shave down your ribs or narrow your shoulders or make you shrink. There will always be things that are noticeable and respectfully, trans people are no less valid. You're free to transition and if that's what you want to do then that's awesome... But ... Clearly for a lot of people they find out that
that is not enough to be happy.

People may treat you the way you want to be treated that doesn't mean they really care about you. And what happens if you date someone and you tell them you're trans and they snap? There are so many issues that are not accounted for and so many veritables. Stop romanticizing a pseudo metamorphosis process and do it because you want to do it not because it'll change anything.
Because at the end of the day if you don't change yourself internally, then it doesn't matter how many surgeries you get. If you don't like yourself now then you won't like yourself in 5 years if you don't change who you are today. Surgery isn't for me, and it won't change my past or my chromosomes.
I recognize that my mind is messed up, and that I was not born in the wrong body as if that's even possible. You're free to believe what you want and I support what decisions you make. But please don't act like you are the public spokesman for everyone with gender dysphoria or who identify as transgender cuz you're far from it.

 

[systemic_livestock]

I told you my experience and your discrediting it because it's conflicting with your fantasy. Reality is there are dozens of people who have been on HRT for many years and have not become this ideal self that they imagine they would be. One thing that doesn't change is your voice despite common misbelief. Transitioning will not fix your psychological problems and your desire not to be alive isn't based on your frame alone. It will not shave down your ribs or narrow your shoulders or make you shrink. There will always be things that are noticeable and respectfully, trans people are no less valid. You're free to transition and if that's what you want to do then that's awesome... But ... Clearly for a lot of people they find out that
that is not enough to be happy.

People may treat you the way you want to be treated that doesn't mean they really care about you. And what happens if you date someone and you tell them you're trans and they snap? There are so many issues that are not accounted for and so many veritables. Stop romanticizing a pseudo metamorphosis process and do it because you want to do it not because it'll change anything.
Because at the end of the day if you don't change yourself internally, then it doesn't matter how many surgeries you get. If you don't like yourself now then you won't like yourself in 5 years if you don't change who you are today. Surgery isn't for me, and it won't change my past or my chromosomes.
I recognize that my mind is messed up, and that I was not born in the wrong body as if that's even possible. You're free to believe what you want and I support what decisions you make. But please don't act like you are the public spokesman for everyone with gender dysphoria or who identify as transgender cuz you're far from it.

Are you like a massive 6.5 man with a uber masculine jawline and like 40 years old or something? Because otherwise you can pass after a bit on hrt if be a bit ugly somtimes.

I never claimed to represent all trans people but I keep seeing trans women all the fucking time cry about how ugly and how they wont pass when they literally just would look like every fucking women to walk the streets somtimes if be a little hit ugly. It's weird how you've started acting all like this when I past comments where stupid childish shit like "but I was a drag queen for a year" like dude use your brain for second. I swear to god when you transition and you find yourself on hrt for a bit there is probably gonna he lots more cis women who are gonna be less attractive than you. I'm sorry to be all mad but you not making any sense you keep flip floping your agrument because you so obsessed with feeling bad about yourself which is fair but at the same time stop and think about whats coming out of your mouth.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Are you like a massive 6.5 man with a uber masculine jawline and like 40 years old or something? Because otherwise you can pass after a bit on hrt if be a bit ugly somtimes.

I never claimed to represent all trans people but I keep seeing trans women all the fucking time cry about how ugly and how they wont pass when they literally just would look like every fucking women to walk the streets somtimes if be a little hit ugly. It's weird how you've started acting all like this when I past comments where stupid childish shit like "but I was a drag queen for a year" like dude use your brain for second. I swear to god when you transition and you find yourself on hrt for a bit there is probably gonna he lots more cis women who are gonna be less attractive than you. I'm sorry to be all mad but you not making any sense you keep flip floping your agrument because you so obsessed with feeling bad about yourself which is fair but at the same time stop and think about whats coming out of your mouth.

Look... I'm going to be real with you. You're insufferable to have a conversation with. I feel my gender dysphoria is a mental illness.
It is not some spiritual nonsense to me like I was born in a different body. You are 100% free to believe that mutilating your body will improve your quality of life. Maybe for you it will, but for me?
I have more self respect. And I feel committing my life to surgeries to improve my self-esteem is insane especially knowing that 90% or more people will not affirm my gender identity. To me it's mental and it's not a chosen identity. It's not this label I stick on to myself to feel special. It's something I suffer with. It's something that embracing does not benefit me. If it benefits you to play with dolls and play with dolls. But you're not the doctor prescribing the cure to depression. And the statistics show that what you suggest is not a very successful solution. You're free to do it. I don't care what you do to feel like a human.
There are a lot of things I cannot be that I wish I could be but instead of obsessing and becoming so hyper fixated on the unchangeable... I'm just going to be me. You talk about passing... But you do not see that 90% of people don't pass even on HRT. You refuse to believe that you will have to have surgeries for life... You're in denial of reality and reality is your ribs will not change your shoulders will not change your height will not change, your Adam's Apple will not change and for me? That's a deal breaker.

You can pretend to be whatever you want to be.
But it just shows your argument is based on delusions and not based on outcome or percentage or the way other people view you.
There are a lot of people who if they found out you were trans and you did not disclose it to them that they would retaliate physically and although that is not ever okay... I'm not going to put myself in that situation because I refuse to physically alter myself to be something that I will never be accepted as being because in all actuality, you can only think you're something. But heaven forbid someone thinks you're not you even twisted my drag queen experience because it didn't fit your narrative. Which was very narcissistic and manipulative and petty of you. In fact it was quite manly of you. *Mic drop*

 

[Grog]

I think you should keep transitioning if that's what you want to do and if it makes you happier; go for it.

However, if you are only going to be happy if you become "passable" or if a man falls in love with you, then I'm not sure transitioning is a good idea; I have to agree with GreySky here.

The fact of the matter is that most men aren't attracted to trans women. There are men who do like trans women, but they're few and far between. It might be difficult to find a partner who is a man.

Thing is to people, if it quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, behaves and describes itself as a duck then fundamentally to most people it is a duck.

This unfortunately isn't true. Most people can discern whether someone is trans or not within the first few seconds of meeting them. If this is your expectation, you're going to be crushed. I don't want that for you.

Transition if it feels right for you! However, please temper your expectations. I wish you the best of luck!

 

[systemic_livestock]

Look... I'm going to be real with you. You're insufferable to have a conversation with. I feel my gender dysphoria is a mental illness.
It is not some spiritual nonsense to me like I was born in a different body. You are 100% free to believe that mutilating your body will improve your quality of life. Maybe for you it will, but for me?
I have more self respect. And I feel committing my life to surgeries to improve my self-esteem is insane especially knowing that 90% or more people will not affirm my gender identity. To me it's mental and it's not a chosen identity. It's not this label I stick on to myself to feel special. It's something I suffer with. It's something that embracing does not benefit me. If it benefits you to play with dolls and play with dolls. But you're not the doctor prescribing the cure to depression. And the statistics show that what you suggest is not a very successful solution. You're free to do it. I don't care what you do to feel like a human.
There are a lot of things I cannot be that I wish I could be but instead of obsessing and becoming so hyper fixated on the unchangeable... I'm just going to be me. You talk about passing... But you do not see that 90% of people don't pass even on HRT. You refuse to believe that you will have to have surgeries for life... You're in denial of reality and reality is your ribs will not change your shoulders will not change your height will not change, your Adam's Apple will not change and for me? That's a deal breaker.

You can pretend to be whatever you want to be.
But it just shows your argument is based on delusions and not based on outcome or percentage or the way other people view you.
There are a lot of people who if they found out you were trans and you did not disclose it to them that they would retaliate physically and although that is not ever okay... I'm not going to put myself in that situation because I refuse to physically alter myself to be something that I will never be accepted as being because in all actuality, you can only think you're something. But heaven forbid someone thinks you're not you even twisted my drag queen experience because it didn't fit your narrative. Which was very narcissistic and manipulative and petty of you. In fact it was quite manly of you. *Mic drop*

Dude i dont care at all if you transition or not, its completely normal due to how trans people are treated in society when they don't pass. You aren't mentally ill for having gender dysphoria, you can feel however you want. Personally transitioning has kept me alive this long I'd like to imagine It'd help you but I dont know your circumstances.

But You have the emotional intelligence of a child, all you do is say definitive statements that aren't based in reality and I want you to know you dont need to justify why you dont wanna transition to me its really fine but what is really annoying is your a jackass about it, it's really insulting for you to claim I'm "mutating my body" which frankly isn't true at all and you infact bring up very poor evidence to back of your claims "i lived as a drag queen for a year and wasn't considered a women" isn't a valid source, "not based on outcome or percentage or the way other people view you." Is likewise not actually a claim you have backed up with any real information. I have infact posted photos of both trans women as cis women and asked if you could tell, which although could be considered a poor test in some aspects is atlest an attempt at putting my point across without using emotions and rather with logic. I really doubt you're actually over the age of 18 with the way you act and behave. Please stay in school kid and learn how to get your point across without saying subjective statement or sharing very board example not backed up by any source.

Also who in the world with an high school level education types out "*mic drop*" unironicly. I just wanna tell you although I find you deeply annoying i do hope you get better, you're clearly too young to be on here and again please stay in school.

 

[notemil3]

I (mtf 19) just wanna put this out here because I kinda stuck on if sucide is right for me honestly, I think about it all the time but I'm honestly scared to die sometimes unlike how it used to be. After transitioning ive found myself making progress having actual friends, its given me an idea of self to me but I still have this overwhelming feeling of dread, unlike when I was younger sucide actually feels like the killing of myself. I remember growing up before transitioning feeling like I was born dead, I viewed myself in the 3rd person never cared about anything at all expect doing the bare minimum to not be sent into therapy when it cane to hygiene, school, talking to others and eating, i felt like i always wanted to die but i never knew why, i cried myself to sleep all the time because i wasn't born a girl all i did for most my life was isolate, play video games, masterbate and read a bit about history, i entered into a sucide pact but latter chickened out of fear of pain because i knew i didn't have the mental strength to go against my instincts and slit my wrists like the planned method.

This was my normal untill hs when I transitioned I got bullied out of my male friend group but I made new friends who supported me and ive actually started enjoying my hobbies i started to express myself to the world dispight not everyone being supportive or my parents viewing it as a phase and not letting me on hrt and i felt like i was watching myself rot away with my male puberty. After turning 18 went on hrt, i actual put in work for once for school and passed highschool (barely with a 1.95 gpa) and I don't hate the reflection in the mirror as much but I feel what if I dont pass ever, what if I go back to my old habits and don't do well enough in community college to transfer to a 4 year and get my masters in history. Even if everything goes right the world doesn't feel safe yet for people like me honestly, the world economy is in a decline and as history which is a humanities subject is there much of a place in the job market for my skills, I can't imagine myself studying anything else because history is the only subject I actually put any effort into learning. I wanna be successful, be a historian, a very attractive passing transwomen, get married to a man of my dreams but then again what for it if i end up as per my username just livestock to system making ends meet working 2-3 minimum wage jobs just to say afloat always facing discrimination for being trans, do men like trannies with mental baggage and self harm scars. Maby I'm over thinking things but I'm kinda worried what if I keep living this miserable life always thinking wish I had killed myself sooner. Or maby I will one day live a good life looking back at this time as just a dark period of my early life.

Maby I wasn't meant to be happy in this world, if I am to be reincarnated perhaps I'd be in a world safer for me to be myself. I weirdly feel really sad about other people CTB dispight I knowing it brings them the rest they deserve and yet when the topic is about myself I hold fear both that I'll regret killing myself or that its is the right path for me that I should do as soon as possible. I certainly feel i atlest enjoyed my friends in highschool so maby my life wasn't a waste.

The world is cruel to trans people and the suicide rates of trans people prove that i hope you find peace and love sister in this life or the next

 

[systemic_livestock]

I think you should keep transitioning if that's what you want to do and if it makes you happier; go for it.

However, if you are only going to be happy if you become "passable" or if a man falls in love with you, then I'm not sure transitioning is a good idea; I have to agree with GreySky here.

The fact of the matter is that most men aren't attracted to trans women. There are men who do like trans women, but they're few and far between. It might be difficult to find a partner who is a man.


This unfortunately isn't true. Most people can discern whether someone is trans or not within the first few seconds of meeting them. If this is your expectation, you're going to be crushed. I don't want that for you.

Transition if it feels right for you! However, please temper your expectations. I wish you the best of luck!

"This unfortunately isn't true. Most people can discern whether someone is trans or not within the first few seconds of meeting them. If this is your expectation, you're going to be crushed. I don't want that for you."

This is a biased statement because fundamentally if a trans person passes their most likely not going to tell you their trans. You might even know a person who is trans who just hasn't felt safe telling you. In itself its hard to tell how many trans people pass because if they pass well then they pass you know you know what I'm saying.

The world is cruel to trans people and the suicide rates of trans people prove that i hope you find peace and love sister in this life or the next

Thankyou so much, honestly all these responses have made me consider living considering I dont fail college of course and I intend to get better, we will see how that works out though only time will tell.

 

[Grog]

"This unfortunately isn't true. Most people can discern whether someone is trans or not within the first few seconds of meeting them. If this is your expectation, you're going to be crushed. I don't want that for you."

This is a biased statement because fundamentally if a trans person passes their most likely not going to tell you their trans. You might even know a person who is trans who just hasn't felt safe telling you. In itself its hard to tell how many trans people pass because if they pass well then they pass you know you know what I'm saying.

Thankyou so much, honestly all these responses have made me consider living considering I dont fail college of course and I intend to get better, we will see how that works out though only time will tell.

I'm not going to be able to convince you; you seem headstrong in your beliefs.

I hope you find happiness. Best of luck!

 

[systemic_livestock]

I'm not going to be able to convince you; you seem headstrong in your beliefs.

I hope you find happiness. Best of luck!

Have you heard about the survivorship plane bias. I really feel like you don't really get what I'm trying to say you know.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I think you should keep transitioning if that's what you want to do and if it makes you happier; go for it.

However, if you are only going to be happy if you become "passable" or if a man falls in love with you, then I'm not sure transitioning is a good idea; I have to agree with GreySky here.

The fact of the matter is that most men aren't attracted to trans women. There are men who do like trans women, but they're few and far between. It might be difficult to find a partner who is a man.


This unfortunately isn't true. Most people can discern whether someone is trans or not within the first few seconds of meeting them. If this is your expectation, you're going to be crushed. I don't want that for you.

Transition if it feels right for you! However, please temper your expectations. I wish you the best of luck!

I want to clarify really fast that it's not just about someone falling in love with you regardless of your sexuality. I think every single trans woman wants the authentic experience and doesn't want to have this fight between their body and their spirit and I think that's why a lot of people transition. But a lot of people don't get that resolution that they expect from transitioning. I think it's more than social validation but I don't want to go on a tangent.
Everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness but I don't think that transitioning would make me happy. And I also think that transitioning means different things to different people.
Like respectfully, I don't want to be a trans woman. I would have loved to have been born a girl because the only people I really get along with are women. I love women but because I'm attracted to women, I feel like it also kind of reinforces The stereotype of what people say being straight with extra steps. And that's something I think a lot of people have to get over who are in similar mental situations

 

[systemic_livestock]

I want to clarify really fast that it's not just about someone falling in love with you regardless of your sexuality. I think every single trans woman wants the authentic experience and doesn't want to have this fight between their body and their spirit and I think that's why a lot of people transition. But a lot of people don't get that resolution that they expect from transitioning. I think it's more than social validation but I don't want to go on a tangent.
Everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness but I don't think that transitioning would make me happy. And I also think that transitioning means different things to different people.
Like respectfully, I don't want to be a trans woman. I would have loved to have been born a girl because the only people I really get along with are women. I love women but because I'm attracted to women, I feel like it also kind of reinforces The stereotype of what people say being straight with extra steps. And that's something I think a lot of people have to get over who are in similar mental situations

Dude you're just a weird ass repper, you keep telling me about it over and over again, you say weird ass shit to get me to share your mindset. You don't need to justify anything to anyone about ones gender so just live however you want, but your still a weird as fuck repper who for some reason keeps trying to get me to do the same, hope this helps.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Dude i dont care at all if you transition or not, its completely normal due to how trans people are treated in society when they don't pass. You aren't mentally ill for having gender dysphoria, you can feel however you want. Personally transitioning has kept me alive this long I'd like to imagine It'd help you but I dont know your circumstances.

But You have the emotional intelligence of a child, all you do is say definitive statements that aren't based in reality and I want you to know you dont need to justify why you dont wanna transition to me its really fine but what is really annoying is your a jackass about it, it's really insulting for you to claim I'm "mutating my body" which frankly isn't true at all and you infact bring up very poor evidence to back of your claims "i lived as a drag queen for a year and wasn't considered a women" isn't a valid source, "not based on outcome or percentage or the way other people view you." Is likewise not actually a claim you have backed up with any real information. I have infact posted photos of both trans women as cis women and asked if you could tell, which although could be considered a poor test in some aspects is atlest an attempt at putting my point across without using emotions and rather with logic. I really doubt you're actually over the age of 18 with the way you act and behave. Please stay in school kid and learn how to get your point across without saying subjective statement or sharing very board example not backed up by any source.

Also who in the world with an high school level education types out "*mic drop*" unironicly. I just wanna tell you although I find you deeply annoying i do hope you get better, you're clearly too young to be on here and again please stay in school.

Stop twisting things because you don't want to look at the suicide rates. For someone who's transitioned why are you posting about being suicidal? Oh wait it doesn't solve the issue.

Respectfully, when you yourself prove the statistics I mentioned correct and then have the audacity to insult and belittle me as if you're coming off as anything other than narcissistic, come on who are you fooling? It is a mental illness according to the DSM-5. This isn't meant to be belittling or condescending. I'm trusting the science and I'm also trusting the statistics while navigating what I think is right for me. That doesn't mean I have the intelligence of a child and that doesn't mean I'm any less correct. You need to stop bullying people on here for real.

Have you heard about the survivorship plane bias. I really feel like you don't really get what I'm trying to say you know.

When people disagree with you you discredit them and you slander them as misinformed. You have a unconscious bias and I will be the first to say that you feel that transitioning has helped you stay alive thus far. So I will take that as fact because it's your experience.

But, me and several other people on here have told you we don't feel the same and that we feel romanticizing this metamorphosis as some sort of catharsis for the pain and anxiety and self-loathing that we feel on a daily is unrealistic for us.

Dude you're just a weird ass repper, you keep telling me about it over and over again, you say weird ass shit to get me to share your mindset. You don't need to justify anything to anyone about ones gender so just live however you want, but your still a weird as fuck repper who for some reason keeps trying to get me to do the same, hope this helps.

If you have to discredit me as a person and slap labels on me such as "weird ass rapper" then you've already lost the argument. Clearly I admit I'm still trying to find something that works for me. But say I was to plan to transition... I can look at you and see my future and see that it is not the solution to my problem and it is what is known as an axiom. It is self-evident. So instead, I will pursue a route that might actually work instead of dozens of surgeries just to feel like something that biologically I have not been blessed to have.
Also I never said I lived as a drag queen. You keep twisting that as if it's discrediting me.
Learn to read.