Too tried - too much keeping me here

[Red.one]

I'm fighting depression for 15 years (or more?). I love my work, hate my boss - get minimal payment (despite my profession is paid around 30% more).
I hate my life.
I hate my body (I suffer from body dysmorfia, some days are easy, some are not - I'm cis if anyone wanders).

I'm 27 yo. Still dependent on my mother.
It's embarrassing. I hate that my mother is paying my part of house maintenance for me. But my psychiatrist and therapy are eating huge amount of my income.

Recently I got something that's giving me a purpose. Some kind of a goal... but I need money for it. Her. The "it" is a mare. She's dangerous -previous owner gave her harsh mental issues. But she likes me, and I like her. I just want to get her out of her mental mush, train her, than sell.to a good home (without a "sausage fate" possibility.

I need money. I need a something that gives me a purpose. That mare is it and I know it. But... I DONT HAVE MONEY.

The longer I think about my current situation. The more I want to quit.
I'm clear from cutting for a year (3 years If not counting incident).
I'm lost fucked.
I need money.
Now.
Anybody wNys my kidney?

 

[kinoki]

I'm fighting depression for 15 years (or more?). I love my work, hate my boss - get minimal payment (despite my profession is paid around 30% more).
I hate my life.
I hate my body (I suffer from body dysmorfia, some days are easy, some are not - I'm cis if anyone wanders).

I'm 27 yo. Still dependent on my mother.
It's embarrassing. I hate that my mother is paying my part of house maintenance for me. But my psychiatrist and therapy are eating huge amount of my income.

Recently I got something that's giving me a purpose. Some kind of a goal... but I need money for it. Her. The "it" is a mare. She's dangerous -previous owner gave her harsh mental issues. But she likes me, and I like her. I just want to get her out of her mental mush, train her, than sell.to a good home (without a "sausage fate" possibility.

I need money. I need a something that gives me a purpose. That mare is it and I know it. But... I DONT HAVE MONEY.

The longer I think about my current situation. The more I want to quit.
I'm clear from cutting for a year (3 years If not counting incident).
I'm lost fucked.
I need money.
Now.
Anybody wNys my kidney?

Hey! I don't know if you remember me, but you messaged me a long time ago, I replied to it. Fighting depression isn't easy, especially for 15 years, you are braver than I am. I think it's good that you like you're job but I would communicate about how you don't get paid enough. Life is hard, no bullshit. Hating your body is really tough, I had something like that but not as bad as yours, you are you, an the best thing you can do is try and cherish yourself and instead of hating it, it's easier said than done;you're always going to have the same exact body even if you try to change it in some way, and that's just the truth.
It takes a lot to admit that, you are honest enough to say that. Instead of being embarrassed you should be proud, you are trying with help from someone that really cares about you, I am sure she understands.
My DMs are always open if you need anything or just want to vent.