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angelalexandra

angelalexandra

girl with a caustic halo
Apr 26, 2025
15
a little while a go i had a trip to a psych ward and it was my first time seeing a psychiatrist about any of my shit, apparently when they tried evaluating me they said i had all the personality traits for c-ptsd and bpd (fear of abandonment, paranoia, easily getting unhealthily attached, atrocious self image) but that im "too good at regulating my emotions" for them to be able to actually diagnose me with anything. in the end they just threw me out with a diagnosis of an "adjustment disorder" and 2 weeks worth of lexapro. ive been dealing with this shit for so long that apparently im too good at masking symptoms to even qualify for real help. are fucking manic episodes where i run out in the cold at 2am screaming at strangers "too stable"? is having days where i cant force myself out of bed "too stable"? are frequent panic attacks and sh "too stable"? is 5 failed suicide attempts "too stable"?

the only thing stopping me from ctbing right now would be the guilt from the fact that by friends are also mentally ill enough that theyd blame themselves no matter what id write or say (and i know thats what happened last time and what would happen again) i wish theyd stop caring about the sinkhole of effort that i make and would put that time into caring for each other.

maybe if im lucky ill die in some tragic accident or act of god so no one has to live with guilt.

i dont even know why i care ill be too dead to feel guilty or upset i wish i could just be selfish.
 
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Reactions: Archness, inverse-weibull, Forever Sleep and 7 others
Pale_Rider

Pale_Rider

Wizard
Apr 21, 2025
677
When you're sitting across the table from a "threat" you're gonna shut down. Crappy Drs in my opinion. ( or maybe you are gonna open the gates of hell for them? )
 
H

Hollowman

Empty
Dec 14, 2021
1,802
Psychiatry's a joke. They don't know wtf they're doing.
 
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Reactions: 6138, divinemistress36 and Pale_Rider
M

myfaultneverlived

Member
Jan 31, 2025
23
there are probably regulations which prevented her from diagnosing you
 
W

weallhaveourghosts

Student
Mar 2, 2025
121
That sucks I'm sorry. I've had multiple failed attempts as well and have been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for years. I keep getting the "Oh it is just depression" diagnosis. Hmm I literally flew to New York from South Carolina once to kill myself but okay.
 
Odwin

Odwin

Bucket of Chicken
Mar 31, 2021
558
there are probably regulations which prevented her from diagnosing you
From what I understand the prof just began the therapy and to make diagnose it usually takes at least a year. She's just guessing at the moment and to be fair that's the best she could do rn.
 
penguinl0v3s

penguinl0v3s

Wait for Me 💙
Nov 1, 2023
860
Psych ward doctors are the worst. The outpatient psychiatrists I've had are lovely though.
 
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Reactions: Archness and divinemistress36
vitbar

vitbar

Escaped Lunatic
Jun 4, 2023
494
imo their response was inadequate. You might really be below the clinical threshold for a bpd diagnosis. Ticking off symptoms on the DSM isn't enough. Still you clearly have issues that require more than they gave you.
 
Archness

Archness

Defective Personel
Jan 20, 2023
537
Seems like they just wanted an excuse to not have another person in the ward at that moment.
 

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