To people that have friends a job or a partner why do you want to ctb?

[Thefuture]

I live the same inescapable existence everyday. I wake up watch mindless content and wait until it's time to go to bed. I rarely leave the house because of my anxiety and lack of people to hang out. I also don't want to attempt to even make friends because I'm ugly and have no life. There's nothing to talk about. I see people post here about wanting to die but seem to have all the things I'm lacking. So why do you want to die?

 

[Melancholys]

Personally, every day is a battle for me. My childhood left me with too many mental scars to count, and even with having love, having a lot of friends close to me, it can never take away that pain internally, it can never stop the war going on even on good days inside my head. It's easy to look at someone I feel and go "you have so much to live for", "you have people who care about you" but really it's for some people not that they already have a lot, but that they're going through unspeakable pain that just isn't getting better no matter how they try to cope.

 

[eggsausagerice]

It's easy to look at someone I feel and go "you have so much to live for", "you have people who care about you" but really it's for some people not that they already have a lot, but that they're going through unspeakable pain that just isn't getting better no matter how they try to cope.

i have my own biases towards people that have caring friends, a job, or a partner, because i see those as reasons to live when i don't have them. it's hard to get past the mentality that the people who have things to live for still struggle in the same way i am, because people that want to live wouldn't be active sasu users. the website is just too depressing to use otherwise. i hope we both find our peace.

 

[Melancholys]

i have my own biases towards people that have caring friends, a job, or a partner, because i see those as reasons to live when i don't have them. it's hard to get past the mentality that the people who have things to live for still struggle in the same way i am, because people that want to live wouldn't be active sasu users otherwise. the website is just too depressing to use otherwise. i hope we both find our peace.

That's true yeah, I don't think we would be here if we weren't struggling. And I understand those biases; as someone who used to be completely alone and had nothing, I completely understand how you feel. I wish the best for you, hopefully we can. Also, always love to see another Madoka Magica fan ^^

 

[Tellurian120]

It's actually mostly because of my job that I want to kill myself. Long story short - bitchy supervisor, co-workers that exclude me as they discuss plans, customers who refuse to admit their fault. The problem is that I can't exactly quit my job, because the job market where I live doesn't provide a lot of jobs and not having money is not going to make me any less suicidal. But I do not have friends or a girlfriend, so my life outside of work is pretty much like yours - watch random YouTube videos about failed businesses, read slop on X, ad infinitum.

 

[ohdeergod]

because having those things and still not finding any joy makes me feel like there is truly nothing left for me.

 

[walliwalli]

depression is a monster that does not care about the apparent quality of your life. from a completely objective, logical standpoint, there are many reasons for why i (and pretty much all of us) should live. but i fail to derive any joy or fulfillment from those reasons. even when i'm being productive and doing what society expects of me, i feel nothing, then i go home, face my depression head-on, and i'm reminded that no matter how good my outside life is, the depression would remain. and so i don't see any point in trying for a good life anymore.

@angelofdeath_ summarized my point way better LOL. that.

 

[Tellurian120]

i have my own biases towards people that have caring friends, a job, or a partner, because i see those as reasons to live when i don't have them. it's hard to get past the mentality that the people who have things to live for still struggle in the same way i am, because people that want to live wouldn't be active sasu users. the website is just too depressing to use otherwise. i hope we both find our peace.

Now that I think about it, I think it's being biased towards these people, or thinking about their situations, that is adversely affecting my mental health. My younger brother has a girlfriend and plenty of good friends, all my co-workers have current relationships or children and, as I said, regularly go out for activities like parties, and it seems everywhere I go, I see people having fun with life. Meanwhile I try dating apps and I'm lucky if a woman from the Philippines likes me. And it's impossible to really deal with, at least from where I am, because if you admit it they'll likely interpret it as, "You want us to be miserable/unhappy just to make yourself feel better". And not thinking about it doesn't change my situation at all. So I just have to sit back and take it as my co-worker ends up blabbing about how she slept with a few men before finding a permanent partner with two children.

 

[raemysteryO]

I do have a job, partner, and friends and having those are not a guaranteed happy life. I feel empty and artificial. I've tried everything, years of therapy, but nothing helps. I travel a lot too, trying new stuff, checking out my "bucket list", yet I still feel miserable. I have accepted that it's just my inability to find meaning and purpose.

I hope we all find our peace in our own way

 

[whiskeyblanket]

I have all of those things.

Part of it is that I hate myself so much that having good things makes me feel like I should off myself so that other, better people can have them instead. Another part of it is that I feel so restricted and tied down, when I, by nature, hate routine and mundanity. A third part of it is my job. I'm not well-fitted to the career path I've foud myself in. I have to be 100% fake 100% of the work day, and playing a character for 8+ hours per day is fatiguing in a way that is difficult to describe. Changing careers paths is not possible for myriad reasons. I have near 100% job security but I would absolutely rather be able to sit at home all day. When I didn't have a full time job, I was writing multiple novels per year (rough drafts at least), cooking from scratch every day, and foraging in the woods. It was a dream. However, I know that everyone is different and needs different things. A full time job is life giving for some, but life sapping for others. Like the person above me said, I hope we all find peace in our own ways.

 

[onlyforever1]

I don't have a partner but I have great friends and loving family and a wonderful job. I'm still in excruciating chronic pain every day.

 

[ppyppyppy]

I have a few friends (only one in real life) and a family I mostly have a good relationship with. I feel like no one really understands what I'm going through or takes it seriously. I've attempted to discuss these thoughts with family (and the irl friend) but got dismissed so fast. It's like they want to ignore that side of me forever, but it's isolating and honestly just lonely.

Plus I've become an unbearable presence the more depressed I got and I'm likely to get worse, so ending it all would probably just take a massive burden off their shoulders and way better in the long run before I mess things up to a point of no return.

 

[primadonna_]

I live the same inescapable existence everyday. I wake up watch mindless content and wait until it's time to go to bed. I rarely leave the house because of my anxiety and lack of people to hang out. I also don't want to attempt to even make friends because I'm ugly and have no life. There's nothing to talk about. I see people post here about wanting to die but seem to have all the things I'm lacking. So why do you want to die?

My life is actually pretty decent. Above average looks, lots of friends, and I could basically get any guy I want. But life is such a bore, and living with 7 mental illnesses kinda sucks. But I have 0 self image issues and honestly I could care less about what kind of person I am, but the reason I really want to die that I really see no reason to live past what is enjoyable. Like, no way i'm ever letting myself turn 30. I have no interest in getting married, having children or having any kind of impact on the world, i'm just here to have fun. I kind of like the idea that nothing really matters and I can just leave whenever I see fit. I know it seems like I don't know the weight of death but honestly I couldn't care less. It's just an easily acceptable outcome out of all the outcomes I could experience, and saying that might be just another sign of some random mental illnesses I have or something… but I really wouldn't have it any other way. My relationships are shallow, (maybe on my end) I don't really feel real affection for people and all I want out of life is to enjoy it while i'm young and beautiful, nothing else.

 

[Porgierot]

I have a very okay life objectively. I just don't like existing in this world and I hate myself. Having a job and partner doesn't change something about either of those things

 

[Alek1=]

It's basicially everything you said but with family and friends, cant describe it but in the end nothing changes

 

[Dinozauria]

I have friends but they definitely don't take away my want to die
My want to die isn't just centred about my struggles right now (though that is a large part) but it's also about the future. The fact that jobs are soul crushing for me, the fact I think everyone around me gets hurt by me one way or another. I also just don't see the need to live any longer. Why should I? There's no real good reason imo
if you can find meaning in living, congrats, I just don't thing this is for me tho (as funny as that sounds)

 

[ghoulgurl]

I have a job, a significant other, and friends(overachiever I know) and I still want to die. My life isn't terrible and I have people that love me, but the world sucks and I don't think it's gonna get better. I can't stomach the way people treat each other and the shit we allow to happen to each other. Also have DID and trying to navigate life with 20+ other people in your head is a nightmare. Death is all I think about, is my main goal, and knowing I have the option to die at any moment is my only comfort.

 

[yotaka]

It's complicated with me—lots of reasons coming together and building on each other. To specifically address one point, though: having a job is actually a huge contributor to why I am suicidal. The way I look at it, we get this brief flash of existence and that's it. If it was up to me, I would use this time to explore and play and wonder and try to find beauty. Instead, I'm forced to spend the majority of my waking hours in a place I don't want to be, with people I don't want to be around, doing things I don't want to do. And maybe I could put up with it if this was for some greater purpose—if it was making the world a better place. But the truth is, pretty much every job (and certainly every job that's accessible to me) is actively pushing the world in the opposite direction from how I want it to be. I'm being slowly crushed to uphold the exact system I despise.

 

[elpurp]

i don't have a partner and i'm starting to think i never will. seems to be the one thing i can't get, i have friends and a job

 

[CuckoosInvisible]

My life is actually pretty decent. Above average looks, lots of friends, and I could basically get any guy I want. But life is such a bore, and living with 7 mental illnesses kinda sucks. But I have 0 self image issues and honestly I could care less about what kind of person I am, but the reason I really want to die that I really see no reason to live past what is enjoyable. Like, no way i'm ever letting myself turn 30. I have no interest in getting married, having children or having any kind of impact on the world, i'm just here to have fun. I kind of like the idea that nothing really matters and I can just leave whenever I see fit. I know it seems like I don't know the weight of death but honestly I couldn't care less. It's just an easily acceptable outcome out of all the outcomes I could experience, and saying that might be just another sign of some random mental illnesses I have or something… but I really wouldn't have it any other way. My relationships are shallow, (maybe on my end) I don't really feel real affection for people and all I want out of life is to enjoy it while i'm young and beautiful, nothing else.

It's possibly unwise to post this, but this is the greatest lifefuel I've ever seen on this site. You made me feel envy, and that envy single-handedly made me realize that all I really want from other people is casual sex that feels good and fun experiences. Extremely relatable post overall in terms of mindset; I, too, want to die ~30!! I think I'm young and attractive enough to be able to stake my hedonistic claim in this world while I'm still here. All I have to do is stop wallowing in my lack of action. Thanks!!

 

[SASU-KE]

I have friends and a good job and I'm financially well settled. I don't have a partner because I don't want one. I'm highly against having children. All the women I have known always wanted to have children. I would never bring a child into this world.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

Some of my depression is situational. I have "friends" that I either only talk to online or are more at the level of acquaintance in person with how little we seem to interact, I have a job but it's dependent on multiple factors and it doesn't quite provide me with enough to live without worrying about my expenses, and I have a partner (no complaints there). None of these things can stop the sudden feelings of despair and depression I get which push me towards a sense of wanting to die.

 

[Forveleth]

You can have things and not be happy. I hate my career and my partner is an emotionally abusive asshole that I never wanted to be with.

I have spent my life living for everyone else and being taken advantage of because of it. I am drained, emptied, and hollow. Continued existence seems exhausting to me and I would like to avoid it.

 

[primadonna_]

It's possibly unwise to post this, but this is the greatest lifefuel I've ever seen on this site. You made me feel envy, and that envy single-handedly made me realize that all I really want from other people is casual sex that feels good and fun experiences. Extremely relatable post overall in terms of mindset; I, too, want to die ~30!! I think I'm young and attractive enough to be able to stake my hedonistic claim in this world while I'm still here. All I have to do is stop wallowing in my lack of action. Thanks!!

HELL YeAH

 

[mybodyhurts]

I have an incredible partner and an interesting career, but I'm in chronic pain 24/7. It's not that I want to die, I just don't want to be in pain anymore. Killing myself seems to be the only way to free myself from the pain of living in this body