Venting Tittle Tattle

[helplesship]

i'm going old and honestly? i've got zero real connections, no friendships that feel like they actually mean something. people always be like, "just go out more, meet people," but the same people saying that already roll with crews they've known for years. they tell me to "just talk first," but when i do, i get pegged as desperate or "trying too hard." it's weird wanting this stuff, like i'm suddenly weird for wanting someone to put me first or notice me. weird is the word. i've never had that tight, ride-or-die kind of friendship. everyone else seems to have zones, friend #1 for small talk, friend #2 for getting closer, friend #3 who's the real one. and me? what am i? nobody. i don't wanna be all dramatic and say i failed because of that, but maybe i've always been kinda messed up about friendships, maybe that's why i'm here on my own

this loneliness… i don't even know how to explain it. sad about it, but there's always someone shouting advice like, "don't depend on people, bro! keep grinding, focus on yourself, don't care if they stay or go!" then another crew pops up like, "dude, make more friends, you dummy, get out there, build connections, you gotta network. we're social animals, remember?" and i'm just sitting in the middle like, which one's right?

i'm so confused. i just can't do this. i'm too naive for the whole game. i expect way too much. i can't live up to anyone's idea of me, and i'm honestly so dumb sometimes that i can't even focus on myself everything slips back to being about someone else or some group. it feels like i lost who i actually am. i live in nostalgia way too much, replaying old stuff in my head, and i can't accept that people come and go like it's nothing. it hurts. big time

maybe it's attachment issues. maybe i'm clingy, maybe i'm needy, maybe i'm just… human. either way, it's messy, and i don't know how to fix it. all i know is i want someone who gets me, who picks up the phone, who remembers the little things, who makes me feel like i matter, not a placeholder, not background noise. is that too much to ask?​

 

[justanotherfailure]

Loneliness is one of the worst things in life. Humans were made to be in genuine with others - not just fickle friendships that pass quickly, but life-long friendships that you can rely on - that's part of what it means to be a human. You don't need to live up to other people's expectations, because true friends realize that the connection isn't just about exchanging benefits or getting something out of it. True friendship is genuinely caring about the other person, stepping into their life and walking alongside them. I hope you find that kind of person. It's not too much to ask for that