ilovecats
Empty Husk
- Feb 1, 2023
- 129
I always come back here to rant, and I'm sorry. It's just so pathetic. I keep saying that I'll kms but I don't have the courage. I'm simply not able to, even when I have sn. I'm a coward, but I genuinely don't want to live. My life has been hell for years now. Attempted with sn a couple years ago, and I'm not able to even go that far with the plan since then. Tried to get better, to fix my life, to be happy, but it always goes downhill. Talked with someone I really liked for a year, but it ended in a really messy way a few months ago. It completely ruined me. I couldn't sleep, study and I lost around 18kg in the first 2 months. I genuinely thought that I could finally be happy, but I was blind and stupid. Now I have to suffer even more, while being aware of the happy life I "could've" had. I tried dating again in the last month, but I gave up on it as I realized that I was only looking for a replacement for her, or someone that could "fix" me, which is totally unfair for the other person. It has been almost 6 months, and it only got worse. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. I was already suffering a lot, and now I have to go though this as well. I just wish something would kill me, no matter how painful it would be. Anything so I don't have to wait to gain the courage to finally end this shitshow. Either way, I'm really tired of pretending that it can get better. I want to kms, but I'm such a coward. I really hate myself for being like this. I would really love some tips on how to push through fear and finally die.
