Thoughts on the lost past

[Kornous]

Hi. Since childhood, I have not been able to communicate with other people "normally" - like everyone else. As if I can not grasp those phrases, rules, relationships - which everyone sees, but which are invisible to me. Nevertheless, I always wanted to interact with society - I saw what advantages friendly relations, love relations give to a person. I wanted the same all my life - but I just could not, although everyone says that "this can be worked out". As a result, the period from 14 to 18 years old - when people were actively socializing - was missed. I was afraid to leave the house - some guys were "near-prison" concepts - and could beat me up just for long hair. Also, several rejections from girls - which I perceive extremely painfully - since then I did not want to receive pain. But now, when I am 23 years old, I sincerely regret that others were able to feel what normal people receive at the right time in life, but I did not. This time cannot be returned - you can recreate the events, but the brain has been deformed during the stress and will never be able to get what should have happened in the past. Do you have such regrets? How do you deal with them?

 

[getoutgirl]

Yeah that's a pretty common experience for those who were lil weirdos. Be it neurodivergent, queer, anxious rodents or whatever strays from the "normal". We feel like we missed our promised childhood or adolescence and what we had we miss little or not at all. That regret and longing is normal and shared. I deal with it by screaming fuck real loud when I'm able. You can also do other things.
One thing is you are 23, so depending on how much the world goes to shit from now on you still have plenty of years to make even more memories, experiences and relationships that you could ever fit in those brief years you didn't had the chance to fully enjoy. True, what you missed will make it harder socially. But you can make it happen, and these new ones can and probably will be equally fulfilling and important. This does not make up for the fact you missed the old ones, like you said those are gone. But it helps a little to keep it in mind to not feel too overwhelmed by it.
It also helps me to really embrace and cherish those very few experiences and relationships that I did had during those years. Because they can't be fully barren if you recall and explore them enough. There will always be little things. At 18, severely depressed, I spent a whole month locked in my dorm, but that same year I met an old lady at a train stop who taught me card tricks I've never used. So there is that.
Take care <3

 

[Kornous]

Yeah that's a pretty common experience for those who were lil weirdos. Be it neurodivergent, queer, anxious rodents or whatever strays from the "normal". We feel like we missed our promised childhood or adolescence and what we had we miss little or not at all. That regret and longing is normal and shared. I deal with it by screaming fuck real loud when I'm able. You can also do other things.
One thing is you are 23, so depending on how much the world goes to shit from now on you still have plenty of years to make even more memories, experiences and relationships that you could ever fit in those brief years you didn't had the chance to fully enjoy. True, what you missed will make it harder socially. But you can make it happen, and these new ones can and probably will be equally fulfilling and important. This does not make up for the fact you missed the old ones, like you said those are gone. But it helps a little to keep it in mind to not feel too overwhelmed by it.
It also helps me to really embrace and cherish those very few experiences and relationships that I did had during those years. Because they can't be fully barren if you recall and explore them enough. There will always be little things. At 18, severely depressed, I spent a whole month locked in my dorm, but that same year I met an old lady at a train stop who taught me card tricks I've never used. So there is that.
Take care <3

Thanks a lot!