CannabisMuncher
You can call me kilometers, cuz ima kms ( He/Him )
- Dec 23, 2023
- 80
to preface, im queer. i already face alot of negativity around me and get told harmful things often, as well as it making relationships harder to come by.
i believe my current partner of six months wants to split ways. this hurts alot because all of this negativity started when they asked if it was ok to make our relationship polyamorous and ask out a friend of theirs. i tried really hard to feel comfortable with the idea, but i didnt, and told them no. they understood and never crossed those boundaries.
lately theyve been talking with that person more. setting discord statuses to "dni except for (so and so person)"
it hurt me alot, and i knew it was just them being really close, and i have proof no cheating occured, but still being ignored for someone else hurt.
they asked if i wanted to just be friends. my heart shattered.
i knew a polyamorous person and monogamous person can sometimes not have a fulfilling relationship but. im not sure thats even the reason. regardless of, while i care about them a ton, and would love to stay in touch with them, i dont think i could handle it. it wouldnt be a good idea.
none of my interest spark emotion to me either. all ive felt is lonliness, jealousy, and numbness lately.
id like to say, please dont speak ill of my partner ( as im not sure what we are rn ) in the replies, i think they did some things poorly but i know intent to hurt was not there.
i feel like if i say i have no more purpose itd be like guilt tripping them to stay, which is wrong and not what i want at all. but i genuinely feel like nothing without them. i havent replied to them yet. we both go to different colleges but met at the same highschool.
i honestly dont want to live anymore, obviously. why else would i be here, afterall?
but im not sure what to do. id love to recover and be happy living if possible.. but i dont think it is. most methods are either not possible for me in my current situation or far too painful or hard to go through with, so i feel like im stuck. i know catching the bus would hurt them, which i dont want of course, but i know theyd understand. its normal to not want someone you care about to die, but i know they wouldnt shun me for it nor act a savior. theyd ask me not to and if i dont listen then thats that and they would understand.
i dont want to have to resort to it, but ive been suffering si for some time
i have no access to the drugs that once kept me afloat anymore and i dont care much about many other people enough to keep going.
i don't necessarily need advice but i would just like some sort of acknowledgement that im here and struggling. sympathy if thats something you feel for people, but not required.
even just viewing this by itself, not replying still means something to me. that someone was curious or cared. so. thank you.
ik its kinda shitty and sappy but. its a little snippit of what im feeling.
i believe my current partner of six months wants to split ways. this hurts alot because all of this negativity started when they asked if it was ok to make our relationship polyamorous and ask out a friend of theirs. i tried really hard to feel comfortable with the idea, but i didnt, and told them no. they understood and never crossed those boundaries.
lately theyve been talking with that person more. setting discord statuses to "dni except for (so and so person)"
it hurt me alot, and i knew it was just them being really close, and i have proof no cheating occured, but still being ignored for someone else hurt.
they asked if i wanted to just be friends. my heart shattered.
i knew a polyamorous person and monogamous person can sometimes not have a fulfilling relationship but. im not sure thats even the reason. regardless of, while i care about them a ton, and would love to stay in touch with them, i dont think i could handle it. it wouldnt be a good idea.
none of my interest spark emotion to me either. all ive felt is lonliness, jealousy, and numbness lately.
id like to say, please dont speak ill of my partner ( as im not sure what we are rn ) in the replies, i think they did some things poorly but i know intent to hurt was not there.
i feel like if i say i have no more purpose itd be like guilt tripping them to stay, which is wrong and not what i want at all. but i genuinely feel like nothing without them. i havent replied to them yet. we both go to different colleges but met at the same highschool.
i honestly dont want to live anymore, obviously. why else would i be here, afterall?
but im not sure what to do. id love to recover and be happy living if possible.. but i dont think it is. most methods are either not possible for me in my current situation or far too painful or hard to go through with, so i feel like im stuck. i know catching the bus would hurt them, which i dont want of course, but i know theyd understand. its normal to not want someone you care about to die, but i know they wouldnt shun me for it nor act a savior. theyd ask me not to and if i dont listen then thats that and they would understand.
i dont want to have to resort to it, but ive been suffering si for some time
i have no access to the drugs that once kept me afloat anymore and i dont care much about many other people enough to keep going.
i don't necessarily need advice but i would just like some sort of acknowledgement that im here and struggling. sympathy if thats something you feel for people, but not required.
even just viewing this by itself, not replying still means something to me. that someone was curious or cared. so. thank you.
ik its kinda shitty and sappy but. its a little snippit of what im feeling.
