This girl is making me 10x more suicidal

[SadLoser]

I feel like i'm being destroyed mentally. She showed me so much affection at the start, she was so nice to me, so loving. She's the first person I had unpaid sex with in my mid 20s. For the first time someone cared about me. For the first time I felt worthy. I felt like I belonged, like I was normal. And it was all ripped away from me in almost an instant. I thought she'd be my first gf, but nope, threw me in the trash like every single one before her.

She messaged the group chat and it sounded like she was coming home from a date. I immediately felt intense panic and just a lack of will to do anything.
I ran over to her house and crept in the shadows to see her getting out of the taxi, to see if she's with someone. I already checked if her car was there 3 times today. By the time I got there the light was already on so I was too slow to see her arriving and going inside.

I am completely broken. I cannot cope with this mentally. It's eating away at me each day. I want it to stop. This pain, this anxiety, this feeling of worthlessness. Why won't anybody love me? I don't know where or how to meet anyone else anymore. Most of my friends have careers now, they're busy, I don't know where to go to try and meet women.
Why does every girl that shows interest in me lose it so quickly?
Why can't I just find one special person? I hate this so, so much. Why was I born.

 

[used_and_abused]

Hey brother just want to say, i'm very sorry your feeling this pain. I get it though 100% in a similar way. I never had sex that wasn't paid for. Never had a kiss, never had a relationship. Never held a woman's hands that wasn't my mothers or grandma

As for advice, i'm not really the best person to ask. I just abused a lot of drugs in the past to cope.

Just want to be that brother in solidarity with you and if you need to chat with someone, my door is always open friend.

 

[SadLoser]

Hey brother just want to say, i'm very sorry your feeling this pain. I get it though 100% in a similar way. I never had sex that wasn't paid for. Never had a kiss, never had a relationship. Never held a woman's hands that wasn't my mothers or grandma

As for advice, i'm not really the best person to ask. I just abused a lot of drugs in the past to cope.

Just want to be that brother in solidarity with you and if you need to chat with someone, my door is always open friend.

Thank you. Yeah before a few months ago I never experienced any of it. Few kisses at nightclubs, few failed dates. This is the longest it has ever lasted. It went on for weeks. After a lifetime of loneliness it felt absolutely magical. To have a woman in your arms, kissing you. Oh I can't put into words how awesome I felt. and now it's all gone and likely i'll never get it again. It's just so unfair. Sorry you're going through it too.

 

[SadLoser]

Damn. Getting out of bed is so difficult.