thinking about seeing my way out soon via FSH

[juneisdoomed]

i'm thinking it's about time i got it over with. my life is over. i have failed myself and everyone around me. i feel like a walking corpse every moment of every day. i've given up the fight. i concede, i can't deal with this anymore.

FSH is my best bet. before anyone tries to school me on what to do, i want to assure you that i know what i'm doing. i've failed once before, and i refuse to let that happen again. i know the ins and outs of hanging and i've tested my setup more times than i can count.

i have already written a letter for my family and gotten all of my affairs in order, not that i had much to do in the first place. i don't know when exactly i'll do it. i'm just looking forward to finally being relieved of my pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the freedom you search for.

 

[chudcell]

Best wishes. Im sorry you had to go through that....

 

[beyonddone]

I feel this, i am going to attempt tonight, gonna pull into the tracks in front of the speedway (usually going around 55-85mph) make sure my driver door is first thing train hits. I cant find any other way, and im running out of time… all i want is out but id be lying if i said im petrified to somehow make it which i spent days looking shit up its over 99% unlikely esp in the car i have i just think about it, and keep thinking about the train driver and how my body will be basically obliterated idk but i took a shit ton of benzos and flexeril last week and was unluckily woken up but ever since my health is bad, memory is shit, i feel like im in a diff world sometimes, my heartrate has been 160 plus at doctors and BP around 160/90 plus
So basically i fucked myself up worse
and i just want out so much more now
idk oh and i cant stop thinking about seeing the train coming and maybe i should chug some alcohol before hand so i am more calm idk just venting here thanks anyone who reads

 

[juneisdoomed]

I feel this, i am going to attempt tonight, gonna pull into the tracks in front of the speedway (usually going around 55-85mph) make sure my driver door is first thing train hits. I cant find any other way, and im running out of time… all i want is out but id be lying if i said im petrified to somehow make it which i spent days looking shit up its over 99% unlikely esp in the car i have i just think about it, and keep thinking about the train driver and how my body will be basically obliterated idk but i took a shit ton of benzos and flexeril last week and was unluckily woken up but ever since my health is bad, memory is shit, i feel like im in a diff world sometimes, my heartrate has been 160 plus at doctors and BP around 160/90 plus
So basically i fucked myself up worse
and i just want out so much more now
idk oh and i cant stop thinking about seeing the train coming and maybe i should chug some alcohol before hand so i am more calm idk just venting here thanks anyone who reads

i'm glad my post was able to resonate with you. i do recommend doing something to calm yourself before the train hits; you might freak out and floor it off of the tracks otherwise. alcohol is definitely your best bet.

i hope you find the peace that you've been searching for. good luck, stranger. perhaps the universe will reward you with the painless death that you deserve.

 

[beyonddone]

thank you… still here, unfortunately.. there was no late night train last night (the 1:30am train) it only comes at that hour tonight & tom night so hopefully i do it tonight, & yea i have def thought about if i panic or something so to drink (i have a pint of crown royal to chug) but its much harder cuz like "drinking & driving" and i cant go sit by the tracks i dont wanna draw any attention. I also thought about saying fuck the car, old fashioned jump in front of train but im so so scared ill somehow live and be a vegetable for life. God i wish this were easier…
I also thought i would most likely not wake up if i took the last of the benzos i have (its only like 160-200mg) but due to overdosing a week and a half or so ago and what it has done to me (my heart rate has been abnormally high like 160+ & BP also high plus i feel all around sick forgetful etc & i cant tell my dr "oh yea i overdosed" without unwanted consequences) but i would most likely not wake up and its supposed to be hot again next 2 days so if i dont wake up in car to start it &turn on the air/open windows that alone will lead to a heat stroke very quickly as we all know how the heat&cars work… the problem with that is nosey motherfuckers, theres way to many!
Last night i finally had fallen asleep and must have only slept 15-20min and woke up to cops at my car door… so of course the "easier way" is really the harder way thanks to all the nosey people in the world who dont know how to mind their own business as if i chose to sleep in a car in 25-35 degree weather !!

Smh idk i just want this to be over
thank you for your kind words, i wish the same for you