Things didn’t get better. It got worse

[uglyzuko]

i know its diff for everybody but the mantra "it gets better" is such utter bullshit it pisses me off

I guess i bought into it for a while. i was gonna kill myself back in october, but i hesitated. Welp, its february and things have gotten astronomically worse. im failing literally 90% of my classes, my BDD has gotten worse, and im practically homeless now, moving from hotel to couch surfing.

everything has gotten worse. I havent noticed the pattern but for the past six years shit has progressively declined. there has not been one good thing except me getting a job. I can't believe it.

I cant believe i stayed on this earth for an extra year just to experience this shit. at least if things woild get worse i'd experience something great, right? nope. So i stayed on this earth suffering for nothing. And to make things worse, within a week, i lost my tab of acid i spent $20 (i wanted to experience some sort of joy and spiritual ascension before i died), and when i went to take a walk to cry by myself and clear my head, it literally started pouring. its like a movie. Let this be a lesson for you all.

 

[LastDay]

I feel you. They always say that yet no one knows what the future brings so in fact it could possibly get better, or really it could get worse. I too wish I had killed myself sooner, I only keep suffering more and more.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Agree. Every year my physical and mental health gets worse and worse I should have just ctb those 6-7 years ago as I intended to.

 

[hablakadabra]

Well, it's easy to blame oneself for not ctb earlier. It always is in retrospect. I also remember some years ago when I fell into this deep trench, thinking that things might just get better. Being naive and believing in mantras like the one you mentioned, and also the mantra that goes like this "From the bottom on, it can only go one way. Up!" I really hate those too and they piss me off. They are being said by people that clearly haven't experienced harsh and mindwrecking depression followed by suicidal thoughts. At least that is what i think... They are being said, probably, with best intentions, but they are having complete opposite effect for those suffering. It's so superficial.

My life has also progressively descended since those years, and i have failed my degree in school, fucked up my friendships, and now i'm on the verge of collapsing my own economy. I just want you to know that there are many like you out there. I also cry my own eyes out at times, but not so much as before, i guess the apathy has taken it's place in my life. And maybe the fact that I have opened up the possibility to ctb has given me some sort of peace of mind. For me there is a lot of comfort in knowing that I can check out of this shithole whenever i want to.

What i wanted to say is, you are not alone by trying to stay a little longer to see if things change for the better, no one can blame you for that. I guess it's the reason i'm still here also.

 

[Snee]

Yes i thought tomorow will be better the truth is my days are counting and it tell me to ctb right now.every day i spend it hurt everyone near me.my neibours now suspect that i had some sociapath behaviare it hurt my family members i humaliated last monday infront of lot of people because of that.