Venting THERE IS NOTHING IN THE WORLD THAT WANTS ME TO SUCCEED, NOTHING IS FOR ME

[AngelTear]

I don't care what anyone has to say, THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING IN THE WORLD THAT WANTS ME TO SUCCEED. Not my friends, certainly not my fucking family, and damn sure not the world at large. I'm constantly being fucked over by every fucking thing and being told pleasantries but NEVER actually receiving anything that would help me have the tiniest success in my life. I AM FUCKING TRYING, I'M TRYING YET NOTHING EVER FUCKING CHANGES FOR ME, IT JUST GETS WORSE ALWAYS.

I've been looking for a job for so long- WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO HARD TO GET EMPLOYMENT???!?!! Everything fucking ghosts me or never responds to me and I've been looking EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE. Everything that seemed promising turned out to be nothing but a fucking lie and a further slap in the face of someone who's already been beaten down FOR ALL MY LIFE. Nothing ever fucking works out for me. The one job that I want to pursue I have to pay a fee for a license and I don't have the $195 for that even...EVERYTHING IS HOPELESS AND I HAVE NO WAY OUT.

I have NEGATIVE MONEY in my bank account and NO WAY to fund it, I'm unemployed, my parents are fucking unemployed and my mom acts like she don't wanna get on any sort of government benefits or work anymore at all combined with her delusions and my dad is fully disabled. I don't have my own car, the government shut down so I can't have anymore benefits after November 1st, the rest of my family doesn't help out... I don't feel safe or a fucking peace of mind anywhere I go, it's always the SAME EXACT FUCKING THING, I HEAR THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN IT'S LIKE EVERYONE HAS ASSIGNED DIALOGUE TO TELL ME I SWEAR TO GOD.

Google tried to shut down one of my Gmail accounts and I was fucking using that to apply for jobs and answer craigslist ads for jobs AND THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY REASON TO DEACTIVATE ME NOR DID THEY GIVE ME A REASON WHY THAT HAPPENED. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD NO ONE FUCKING UNDERSTANDS HOW HARD THIS SHIT IS NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY SAY THEY DO. I KEEP RUNNING AND RUNNING DESPERATE TO BE SAVED FROM A SITUATION THAT I CAN'T BE SAVED FROM. I'm beyond tired and I'm just angry at every fucking thing. I FEEL LIKE A FOOL FOR EVEN TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT MY SITUATION BECAUSE I KNOW NOTHING WILL ACTUALLY CHANGE MY SITUATION FOR THE BETTER, IT NEVER HAS AND IT NEVER WILL, I HAVE BEEN PROVEN THIS TIME AND TIME AGAIN.

There's really no reason to keep going, the more I go the more I only suffer. I can't even feel happy without feeling paranoid about it because I know some BULLSHIT is going to happen that will just further tell me that life ain't worth living. If it was I think things wouldn't be this way. Everything is WRONG. Everyday I wish I had a gun to make suicide easier but no all I have is some rope and I can only hope I hang myself properly and die from it.

I'm not interested in hearing kind words, words hold no more meaning to me at this point. I do not need comfort, the thing I want no one can give me and the government does fuck all. I can barely trust peoples actions. I'm pretty sure I hate people. I HAVE NO LIFE, I HAVE NOTHING. When I think about it I knew I would always kill myself, I wasn't supposed to really live past 15 but it's not the easiest thing to kill yourself no matter how much you wanna die. I don't want to live past 30, I don't even want to see 25, I don't want to grow old, I don't want to see anything else. I want to die and finally feel at ease and yes it would solve my problems I don't care what anyone else has to say. I don't think I'll stop trying until something finally kills me for real. I wish I had a gun so bad...but hanging it is I guess. I just gotta tie a proper knot and find somewhere to do the deed which won't be hard at all. Fuck this stupid fucking world.

 

[itsgone2]

Everything is WRONG.

Correct. I say this a lot.

 

[AngelTear]

Correct. I say this a lot.

Finally someone who doesn't try to say sweet words to me. It's my reality and has been for years and only got worse. IT'S TOTAL AND COMPLETE BULLSHIT AND I WISH I WASN'T BORN.

 

[khairan]

It is a shame that the only people that will understand how you feel are also working on their way out. I grew up during the 90's and even though my life was less than ideal at least the world was more or less sane (or so it appeared to be). Now we live in this dystopian BS which is the combination of all the worst possible endings and only a sane person would not want to live through such a hellscape.

They're pushing so fucking hard for everything digital ID and everything AI we won't have spaces like this for much longer.

The job struggles hit close as I've been trying to get an online job for a few weeks (I live in western Argentina and there is no such thing as work here unless you fancy being a slave) and the requirements for shit, unqualified jobs are insane. On top of that these frustrated, bitter little bitches at HR make of any interview an humiliation ritual.

I don't know what the hell is going on with the world but you and I both have our plates filled with our own personal bullshit to be dealing with humanity unlocking the worst possible ending.

I wish instead of you some fucking billionaire would die but that's not how this world works. This world rewards criminals, thieves and pedophiles and punishes their victims, sucking them dry from any hope.


I hope you make of your last moments as peaceful and joyous as you can knowing that you hold the reins of your own life and you depart on your own terms. Find comfort in the thought you hold agency over you life. Peace.

 

[AngelTear]

It is a shame that the only people that will understand how you feel are also working on their way out. I grew up during the 90's and even though my life was less than ideal at least the world was more or less sane (or so it appeared to be). Now we live in this dystopian BS which is the combination of all the worst possible endings and only a sane person would not want to live through such a hellscape.

They're pushing so fucking hard for everything digital ID and everything AI we won't have spaces like this for much longer.

The job struggles hit close as I've been trying to get an online job for a few weeks (I live in western Argentina and there is no such thing as work here unless you fancy being a slave) and the requirements for shit, unqualified jobs are insane. On top of that these frustrated, bitter little bitches at HR make of any interview an humiliation ritual.

I don't know what the hell is going on with the world but you and I both have our plates filled with our own personal bullshit to be dealing with humanity unlocking the worst possible ending.

I wish instead of you some fucking billionaire would die but that's not how this world works. This world rewards criminals, thieves and pedophiles and punishes their victims, sucking them dry from any hope.


I hope you make of your last moments as peaceful and joyous as you can knowing that you hold the reins of your own life and you depart on your own terms. Find comfort in the thought you hold agency over you life. Peace.

True...

And they try to drug you to make it seem like everything is fine when it's not. Obviously anybody would be stressed the fuck out in this environment, it's unnatural for and human to live like this. I'm from the USA and tbh it's not far above slave labor since the older generations seemed to want to vote all the good shit they had away from the younger generations...

I've even gotten scammed by looking for a job too. It's just a world of predators and people who don't care to actually make things worthwhile/do anything to make a significant change for the better...and ofc people like us who just wanna make and honest living but honesty isn't valued at all in this world. I've even gotten to the point where I was willing to do things I otherwise would never do (become a sugar baby) just to make it out of here.

And yeah I'm glad I still have control over my death. I'm just so pissed that I'm trying so hard to make my last months (or years should I find something to make me live another 6 years) and I can't even do that much. It does make me feel sane that people here are being real about my situation too. I'm so sick and tired of everyone online or irl pretending that I shouldn't off myself when the world is this fucked. By the time things get better I'd probably would've died from natural causes anyways...

Peace man, I hope I experience all the things I wanted to in the short time I have left too...and I hope you do too.