The walking the CTB path

[hmnow]

Who feels you are walking down the path to CTB? Do you feel good about it or is there a hidden hand guiding you there

I feel both at times. It's inevitable on the path I am on but I feel it's the best solution

 

[itsgone2]

I fear I'm not. Everything is in place yet I'm still here. I'm on the path I guess, just not sure I can complete it.

 

[woodlandcreature]

I'm on the path, but barriers (usually financial) keep me from reaching my destination. Once those barriers are cleared, I'm sprinting. I have no will left to do anything but die.

 

[copioushopelessness]

I'm on the path there. I fear if I don't face my fear and do it my suffering will be dragged on. I held on to hope for so long then lost everything. I do feel like my death may happen naturally at any point because of my poor health but to think of suffering for even one more minute.
My problem is not having a method. I've tried ligature many times, I get pressure in my head.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Suicide has been my destination for decades but, I'm on the 'scenic' route waiting for my Dad to go first. It varies for me. Sometimes I'm so sure I'm getting closer to doing it. Other times, it's more a hope that I'm still on track to do it- I think fear may well get in my way eventually too.

It's complicated though. Seeing as I don't even feel like I can allow myself to do it till my Dad goes, I'm not sure whether it's only that preventing me from taking the last leg of the journey or, whether it's other fears too. There's not much positive about life keeping me here. I feel sure about that but fear could still be enough to hold me back and in turn- I'm afraid of that! I definitely fear old age alone. I feel like I need to rescue myself out of my own life.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me non-existence is just all that's positive in this existence so cruel and torturous and I wish I never suffered more than anything, non-existence is the only path I wish for, I find it so horrible how a human can suffer for decades longer with no limit as to how much they can be tortured just to die in agony from old age.

I'll always prefer to prevent suffering through ceasing to exist than prolong it just to suffer way more, I find it so deeply undesirable to exist in every way, to me existence is a mistake and an abomination and it's one that just causes endless amounts of harm and suffering until non-existence takes away all anyway and I find it the most terrible tragedy how this existence was imposed.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I started walking the path to CTB this summer when I bought one by one my SN, meto and benzos. I was suicidal since 2003, but only in 2025 I got really serious about it. I'm gonna CBT in either 2026 or 2027.

 

[Adamsnolife]

I am. Have been for a while. Heading down the jumping route or hanging

 

[itsgone2]

My problem is not having a method. I've tried ligature many times, I get pressure in my head.

So do you feel like not having a method means you're not fully committed? I say it's fsh but that's mostly because it's not difficult for me to prepare. I fear it is the issue.

I'm not sure whether it's only that preventing me from taking the last leg of the journey or, whether it's other fears too. There's not much positive about life keeping me here. I feel sure about that but fear could still be enough to hold me back and in turn- I'm afraid of that! I definitely fear old age alone. I feel like I need to rescue myself out of my own life.

I am alone and also fear what my natural death might be. But also do you mean you fear the act? Because it's definitely an issue. I was initially drawn to CO since it seems more passive and peaceful so maybe I should return to it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

So do you feel like not having a method means you're not fully committed? I say it's fsh but that's mostly because it's not difficult for me to prepare. I fear it is the issue.


I am alone and also fear what my natural death might be. But also do you mean you fear the act? Because it's definitely an issue. I was initially drawn to CO since it seems more passive and peaceful so maybe I should return to it.

Yes, I definitely fear the act of suicide. I worry I may never have the guts to do it.

 

[itsgone2]

Yes, I definitely fear the act of suicide. I worry I may never have the guts to do it.

You've been here much longer than I have, so maybe this isn't new at all, but there have been a few threads about this lately. The fear of not being able to go through with it. It's terrible. Just having these thoughts is bad enough, but not to be able to act on them either is brutal.

 

[58Alice85]

When I feel I am getting close to actually doing it I start feeling megalomanic and euphoric
Bless the Lord for building in such an easy escape hatch
JESUS CHRIST

 

[telekon]

yes, and it creeps me out thinking there might be some hidden hand guiding me to catch the bus, like a demon or something

I'm having really strange dreams lately

 

[copioushopelessness]

So do you feel like not having a method means you're not fully committed? I say it's fsh but that's mostly because it's not difficult for me to prepare. I fear it is the issue.


I am alone and also fear what my natural death might be. But also do you mean you fear the act? Because it's definitely an issue. I was initially drawn to CO since it seems more passive and peaceful so maybe I should return to it.

I'm committed but no anchor point. I'm so brain damaged I can't figure out how to tie knots. I only have a thin rope. Would have to order a better one. I tried partial. Si kicks in.

 

[itsgone2]

I'm committed but no anchor point. I'm so brain damaged I can't figure out how to tie knots. I only have a thin rope. Would have to order a better one. I tried partial. Si kicks in.

I have an anchor point. It's not super high but high enough. I know what you mean on the knots. My brain is super cloudy and getting the anchor was a struggle. But it's been ready for weeks. Still trying to confront myself on it. Like if not tonight, when? Maybe something snaps that hasn't snapped yet. Idk. If it were only a switch.

 

[Forever Sleep]

You've been here much longer than I have, so maybe this isn't new at all, but there have been a few threads about this lately. The fear of not being able to go through with it. It's terrible. Just having these thoughts is bad enough, but not to be able to act on them either is brutal.

I'm held back at the moment because I want to wait for my Dad to go first. But- I am afraid that fear will keep me here after that.

 

[copioushopelessness]

I have an anchor point. It's not super high but high enough. I know what you mean on the knots. My brain is super cloudy and getting the anchor was a struggle. But it's been ready for weeks. Still trying to confront myself on it. Like if not tonight, when? Maybe something snaps that hasn't snapped yet. Idk. If it were only a switch.

It seems many struggle from cloudy brain these days. We must all be severely traumatized. Long covid causes neurological issues too. This is a weird time to be alive.
Confronting SI is the tough part but if I had a method I'd go for it.
I figured Halloween would be the time to go. I wanted to be gone many months ago. I've always had ideation but everything that's happened over the past year made me sure.
I want to be in control of when I go. I feel like I lost all control though.
If you aren't sure no need to rush things. I hope people's lives get better. I don't like to think that other people feel this way. I know for me it doesn't look good. I had hope and had it crushed. F'd from every angle.
Yes, if only there were a switch..