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mishima12

Member
May 19, 2025
10
Am I alone in this?
i'm haunted by ambivalence, i don't want to live anymore, i've methodically planned my suicide but each time i put off the date i've set, i procrastinate even though i want to die. i'm terrified of life after death, of the consequences of ctb and of the mysteries of death. every day i imagine the coroner autopsying my corpse, dismembering my body... it's particularly disgusting (even though i'll be dead).
I sometimes wonder how all these 12-13 year olds can so easily do ctb
I'm tired of complaining and doing nothing.
do you have any advice on how to get out of this vicious circle that puts you to sleep?
Thank you all for your answers.
 
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ndoprsge22

Member
May 17, 2025
9
I'm not ambivalent (consciously), I just can't get over the survival instinct. (Planning on jumping from 12 storeys.)

Do you think your procrastination is a will to live, not fear of dying? Just an idea? I'm not spiritual, so I'm sure I relate. Just a thought, before taking permanent action. Maybe others have more insight?
 
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