Discussion The Importance of NOT knowing when you'll die

[esistzeit]

Ever since I found the ideal method and settled on a date, I have not been able to do anything with my life.

Nothing matters anymore. Everything is irrelevant. "What's the point?" is what always pops in my mind whenever I think of doing something.

All I think about is being there already, at the moment when it happens. Right now, and until then, I am doing absolutely nothing. I simply cannot bring myself to. It feels like such a waste of everything. Time, resources, space... Everything.

I realize that the only reason why we strive for things is because we do not know the day of our death. If we did know, we wouldn't have the motivation to pursue anything.

You know how everybody gets a bit lazy towards the end of class? Or the end of the year? It's like that. When we already know the results we never do our best, especially if that final result cannot be changed.

Just wanted to share this insight I had. Maybe it will allow you to look at things differently.

 

[KillingPain267]

Makes sense. I don't have an exact date, but know that I'm waiting for my family to be done with their summer days off and be busy with work, and THEN is when I'll prepare things. When thinking about this I don't find meaning in anything, but only try to distract myself to let time pass for summer to end.

 

[Gangrel]

it must be much harder for people like me who can't do anything on x day because i have an appointment

 

[bluejelly]

Your post resonates with me. everything feels pointless. There is no reason to look ahead at anything because I won't be there for it. I feel like my mind is already gone.

 

[fallingtopieces]

For some when we recognize ctb is truly an option, we start to let go and we find ourselves walking away from things that are stressful. But the loss of routines can sometimes itself become a new mental stress. I disagree that even most would lose any motivation to pursue things in life if they knew the day they were going to die. I would argue for many that would cause even greater focus on the time that is left. When you recognize it's meaningless, it becomes like two sides of the same coin. One side it just doesn't matter because we're going to die anyway, the other because we're going to die this finite existence is also simultaneously everything.

A maybe tangential quote from Chris Cornell (lead singer of Soundgarden, Audioslave who did commit suicide):

No one really knows what run-of-the-mill depression is. You'll think somebody has run-of-the-mill depression, and then the next thing you know, they're hanging from a rope. It's hard to tell the difference. But I do feel that depression can be useful. Sometimes it's just chemical. It doesn't seem to come from anywhere. And whenever I've been in any kind of depression, I've over the years tried to not only imagine what it feels like to not be there, but try to remind myself that I could just wake up the next day and it could be gone because that happens, and not to worry about it. And at the same time, when I'm feeling great, I remember the depression and think about the differences in what I'm feeling and why I would feel that way, and not be reactionary one way or the other. You just have to realize that these are patterns of life and you just go through them

 

[enduringwinter]

I've had to live like this for over 8 years due to having to constantly hop from one temporary visa to another. At some point you have to get used to it and do things for yourself. I think of it as prioritising myself: since I'm on borrowed time, I will only do things to make me comfortable. You are just beginning the process: letting go of things that don't matter enough to trouble yourself over, then you will slowly discover what you really enjoy. Suicide preparation is also selfcare as opposed to selfharm or impulsive attempts.