Venting The Ever Lasting Circle

[aWeeBitTired]

I don't have long to write anything out as I have work soon. It's about the only thing I can get myself up to do (maybe that's an exageration), but it only comes from the fear of losing my paycheck and hence my livelinhood. As someone who has aspirations to go into higher education, school-work likewise is something I need to working on. But I don't. For the last decade I have delt with my stuborn inability to complete tasks. It feels as though I am perpetuating a burnout that has no end.

In the updates since my speratic posts, I should be happier. I have a partner, whom I share an apartment with... still I feel like I have only brought someone into my failing life. I wish I could engage in this fourm with you all more. I wish you all the best.

Reality seems to keep us stuck. There can be no end, whether it's ones instincts that pull us away from the edge or the dread and humilation that would accompy my friends and family if I passed. I'm stuck in dukkha.

Best,
aWeeBitTired

 

[joshardy]

Im sorry, and its only getting harder. I remember at an old job once I got a raise only to have my hours cut 1/3rd, so I had more work in less time for worse pay and they acted like they were doing me some great favor.