At the beginning of the year my depression got so bad that I literally couldn't move off the couch. I stated to my wife multiple times that I wanted to kill myself and that I was going to do it, and eventually she talked me into going to an inpatient program. I went, and I'll be honest my time inside wasn't so bad, I met some really nice people, and got a break from all the worries. Now that I'm out I feel like everyone thinks I should just be fixed like magic and honestly it's starting to get worse than before. I really don't want to be alive anymore and I wish the people that love me could understand enough to let me go.
I wish too that it was possible to be open with those we care about and gain their understanding so we could go in peace. Though on the reverse I can understand why it's devastating to think of losing anyone. If the inpatient program worked well would it be possible to go again or find something similar? Thinking about what others must be thinking is an exhausting cycle. If something helped I'd say go after it if you can and see where it leads. I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide to do.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 44,028
I'm sorry you are going through this. I believe that people who have not suffered in similar ways will be unable to comprehend what it is like. I know that it can be dreadful when things just get worse and I understand that it can be hard to carry on when you do not want to be here. I wish you the best in whatever happens.
I've just come out of a major depressive episode and it was torture. My mind was twisted, reality inverted. It's like surfacing from the deep end of the swimming pool where I couldn't initially breathe.
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