Venting The conflicting feelings of joining this community.

[Arlowantsushi]

Now, before i start ill say I'm not new to these types of communities. I'm part of a couple reddit forums of similar topics and I've been on ed/sh twt for years.
But this is different.

I'm not sure how to explain it, but this website has made me feel more understood and seen then any other place/person.

The scary part about that, is its made the thought of achieving peace through suicide feel more doable/comfortable. I don't exactly think that's a bad thing.
in my 22 years of life i have tried many kinds of counseling, medications, inpatient, etc to make me feel better or "normal" and nothing works. the best i get is being able to shove feelings down for a couple months then a week or two long crash/breakdown.

But, I've realized, maybe some people are meant to just let go. Maybe I'm not meant to make it through and I'm just prolonging the inevitable.
idk
I'm probably not making sense I'm super sleep deprived at the moment. the past two weeks have been bad in my brain.

I'm done for the day, goodnight humans.

 

[Cyc]

You're right, some people are meant to let go. Not everyone is meant for this world and everyone has the right to choose whether they want to stay or leave

I feel similar to you about this website. I feel more comfortable knowing that there's people out there who support my decision to ctb even if I don't actually know them

 

[overmorrow]

because on shedtwt most are teenagers who are going through a rebellious phase and aren't actually disordered, i mean, they might be but yeah, the quality difference is pretty drastic between this forum and those places, mpa and edtumblr were also really nice.

 

[Arlowantsushi]

because on shedtwt most are teenagers who are going through a rebellious phase and aren't actually disordered, i mean, they might be but yeah, the quality difference is pretty drastic between this forum and those places, mpa and edtumblr were also really nice.

That's exactly it, on there it feels like a weird competition or something where as on here its just humans being humans. theres something very beautiful about it.

You're right, some people are meant to let go. Not everyone is meant for this world and everyone has the right to choose whether they want to stay or leave

I feel similar to you about this website. I feel more comfortable knowing that there's people out there who support my decision to ctb even if I don't actually know them

Right? Its oddly comforting knowing that there people that feel the same and aren't judging me for feeling this way.