Story The Brother That Never Existed

[MonochromeMind]

I've only ever told this story to my parents, but I'm just getting everything off my chest because I feel I'm getting close to the end, hopefully. It's like I'm looking back at the beginning of my story before the end of it.

Years ago, I believed I had a brother that never existed. I've since convinced myself that the memories I have are fake, but they still feel incredibly real, even now, if I'm being honest.

His name was Greyson, and he was my older brother. His typical outfit was a leather jacket and jeans. He had black hair and blue eyes. He was kind of a jerk to people around him, but not to me. He truly did care about me. He had a friend named Skylar, who usually wore white, and had blonde hair and blue eyes. We often went to the mall together. He usually wore his motorcycle.

On the fourth of July one year, he got into an accident on his motorcycle. Whenever the fourth of July comes around, I hear the fireworks, and it hurts me, because I remember how upset I was when this apparently non-existent event occurred. I dread it every time. The anniversary effect for a non-existent event.

I told my parents once the caught me trying to kill myself, and they obviously dismissed it as me being delusional, and I just never brought it up after that. I still think about him, even if I tell myself he was never real. I miss him, I remember him, I fear driving because of him...even though he was apparently never real.

I don't really know, this is likely just fake memories from coping from loneliness or something. It hasn't been a problem in recent years. It's just weird how real it still feels. Idk.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's probably quite common to come up with an imaginary friend when we are struggling. When I was young, I used to draw (bad) cartoons. I had pretty much a whole race of people in my head that I hoped would protect me. Some of them were even soldiers. Lol. I'm not sure I truly believed they were real but, I suppose I hoped they were.

I think we can still experience loss over imaginary things though. When you consider some people are devastared when pop stars and actors die. Yet- we don't know these people. They can still mean something to us though. Especially if they were a support during difficult times.

I tend to suffer from what I believe is limerence- so, I've had so many (effectively) imaginery people comforting me throughout life. It would actually have been so much worse in some ways- without that/ them. Although, limerence on real life people was mostly awful.

 

[prelapsarian]

i tried making a tulpa once when i was a particularly lonely kid. was never successful, but i fully believe it's a real thing that people can do (at least, as a psychological phenomenon you can trick your mind into doing. i don't believe in the spiritualist explanations of it literally being a "real" entity)

might be something to look up. might give you some sort of peace to at least have a framework for understanding what you experienced. i believe you.